Without more information I’m going off the idea that she said she doesn’t have to listen to you or something like that.
Nope I’m an adult and I’ve been given certain authority by their father. It’s no different than a teacher or babysitter. They don’t have to be my best friend but they will respect me and they do.
Doesn't have to? Have to what? There are plenty of things she doesn't have to because you're just dad's girlfriend. And plenty of other things she has to anyway.
I just introduced myself to one of my SS19's friends as "SS's Dad's wife". I don't know if he thinks of me a stepmother or not, so I figured that was safe.
Are you wanting her to see you as a parent? Because you aren't one, even if you are taking care of those tasks, and she's making that clear to you.
What she said is honest but combine that with a lack of respect for you as an authority figure is wrong.
I only have to like my SD because she's my boyfriend's child at the end of the day. She's 9. Kids 5-11 annoy the heck out of me, and she has been drama since day 1, but shes my SOs kid so here I am with some form of relationship with her.
You should tell SO what happened, how you feel, and see what he plans to do about it.
She does not want a second mother. That ok, you are not dating her. Just don’t do anything for her. She nothing to you. No driving her anyplace no spending any money on her. Let her figure out how to get a car, pay for insurance, pay for college ect. Save yourselves a lot of money that would be going down the drain
What you may be missing is that while blunt, SD is telling you she understands that she's supposed to show you a certain amount of civility because you are dad's girlfriend. That's a good thing that shouldn't be underestimated -- to this day my 30-something SD believes I'm a rug who was never owed anything from her or anyone in her family. At least if your SD knows she is expected to be civil to you, there's a chance she might mean it some day.
And that she knows this expectation speaks volumes to whoever told her, "You don't have to like dad's girlfriends, but you have to be civil and polite to them." I am fairly sure no one told the princess she owed me a damn thing and that's exactly what I've gotten from her all these years. At least someone tried to set a bar for SD on behalf of anyone who dates her father.
Yep! This ↑. Welcome to reality. Has dad had other GFs? If so, SD may be tired of "having to" like everyone of them. Doing laundry, cooking and cleaning for dad + 1 child (not sure of child's age). . . is that burdensome for you? There is much that is missing from your post. How long have you and dad been together? How often does SD come over? Are you and dad living together? You can't just take a comment like that from a child and make negative judgments. Much depends.
Just make sure you don't become little more than a free babysitter with benefits for dad. And, once you are married and in it with dad for the long-haul and have a joint home and lifestyle together, that may go far to showing SD you are equally committed to her. This may not change anything, but it could. It could and actually should give you more authority in your and your husband's joint household. But, still, dad is mainly the one who should be flexing his muscles on that.
I guess it bugs me, because I'm still wanting for a decent relationship with my adult SKs after being married to their father for close to 20 years. Somewhat disengaged at this point. Maybe it shouldn't, but it bothers me when some GF comes on expecting the same with a child after only being with or living with dad for what appears to be not the longest time. I get it; I really do. And, it is important for dad to ask for some respect from his children for his GF, especially once they are serious. But what does serious mean? Nowadays, some dating couples are living together after only a matter of months if not weeks.
This truly complicates what is means to be a SM. I don't entirely agree with this, but some don't even think you are really a SM until you are married to dad. I'd apply SM to long-term GFs too. There is a difference between being a wife or long-term SO and a GF, especially when you are dating a man with children, no matter what kind of spin you try to put on it, even in these so-called modern times.
She doesn't owe you any more special treatment or respect than anyone else's girlfriend... a brother's girlfriend, or a friend's girlfriend... a cousin's girlfriend... just because you are Dad's girlfriend, and just because YOU CHOOSE to drive her around and clean up after her, doesn't mean she owes you some feels...
Relationship status with someone does not mean good treatment from someone else.
In your case, it seems like at least she's been raised to have some form of decency... at least, enough to recognize that your "status" as dad's girlfriend deserves SOME less than animal behaviour... but no, she is NOT required to like you.
Don't just "kind of" disengage, disengage. Stop doing her laundry or anything else for her. She's 15, she can do her own laundry and figure out how to get to school. Remember, you are her dad's girlfriend, not the servant.
Here's a little secret. I don't really like my SD all that much, but I do treat her respectfully as I try to do with anyone else. I care about her. We've been part of each other's lives for 9 years, but she's a little walking talking BM and we don't really have anything in common. If it weren't for DH, we would have nothing to do with each other. So yes, she does only have to like you/respect you because you are her dad's gf. Now since you say she is NOT respecting you, I agree with the others - disengage. You owe nothing to her. You aren't even married to the father, and even if you were you still owe nothing to her.
will 100% disengage. But I know if Her dad read this he would say it works both Ways and I don't talk to her nicely I have given up in a way but still do cooking, cleaning and shopping for us all/
Create and post a chore list complete with names. When your SO and his spawn don't do their part, you don't shop, you don't feed them, you don't clean up after them. Let them wallow in their lazy nastiness. Put a lock on your bedroom door and let your SO sleep with his kid. See how he likes that.
only has to what?
only has to what?
Sorry - like me
Sorry - like me
I'm sorry.. I don't see the
I'm sorry.. I don't see the problem there?
She only has to like you because your dad's GF.. I don't guess she would have any relationship with you otherwise.
I felt it insulting asi make
I felt it insulting asi make sure she gets to school, I’m here for her at home and do her wShing and ironing.
Only has to what?
Only has to what?
Be nice? Be respectful?
I mean you are a human being so as long as you respect her she should respect you.
I'm not sure what more you are seeking?
Respect would be nice. What
Respect would be nice. What do you class as respect?
Without more information I’m
Without more information I’m going off the idea that she said she doesn’t have to listen to you or something like that.
Nope I’m an adult and I’ve been given certain authority by their father. It’s no different than a teacher or babysitter. They don’t have to be my best friend but they will respect me and they do.
Thank you x
Thank you x
Doesn't have to? Have to
Doesn't have to? Have to what? There are plenty of things she doesn't have to because you're just dad's girlfriend. And plenty of other things she has to anyway.
Sorry, my messsage went wrong
Sorry, my messsage went wrong.- she said she only has to like me because I’m her dad’s girlfriend
I just introduced myself to
I just introduced myself to one of my SS19's friends as "SS's Dad's wife". I don't know if he thinks of me a stepmother or not, so I figured that was safe.
Are you wanting her to see you as a parent? Because you aren't one, even if you are taking care of those tasks, and she's making that clear to you.
Just ignore her.
Just ignore her.
It sounds like she's being
It sounds like she's being honest. At least she likes you! Try not to take it too personally. You are not her parent. You are dad's girlfriend.
EDIT: I saw that you say she lacks respect.
What she said is honest but combine that with a lack of respect for you as an authority figure is wrong.
I only have to like my SD because she's my boyfriend's child at the end of the day. She's 9. Kids 5-11 annoy the heck out of me, and she has been drama since day 1, but shes my SOs kid so here I am with some form of relationship with her.
You should tell SO what happened, how you feel, and see what he plans to do about it.
She doesn’t have to like you, she has to respect you.
She does not want a second mother. That ok, you are not dating her. Just don’t do anything for her. She nothing to you. No driving her anyplace no spending any money on her. Let her figure out how to get a car, pay for insurance, pay for college ect. Save yourselves a lot of money that would be going down the drain
What you may be missing is
What you may be missing is that while blunt, SD is telling you she understands that she's supposed to show you a certain amount of civility because you are dad's girlfriend. That's a good thing that shouldn't be underestimated -- to this day my 30-something SD believes I'm a rug who was never owed anything from her or anyone in her family. At least if your SD knows she is expected to be civil to you, there's a chance she might mean it some day.
And that she knows this expectation speaks volumes to whoever told her, "You don't have to like dad's girlfriends, but you have to be civil and polite to them." I am fairly sure no one told the princess she owed me a damn thing and that's exactly what I've gotten from her all these years. At least someone tried to set a bar for SD on behalf of anyone who dates her father.
Yep!
Yep! This ↑. Welcome to reality. Has dad had other GFs? If so, SD may be tired of "having to" like everyone of them. Doing laundry, cooking and cleaning for dad + 1 child (not sure of child's age). . . is that burdensome for you? There is much that is missing from your post. How long have you and dad been together? How often does SD come over? Are you and dad living together? You can't just take a comment like that from a child and make negative judgments. Much depends.
Just make sure you don't become little more than a free babysitter with benefits for dad. And, once you are married and in it with dad for the long-haul and have a joint home and lifestyle together, that may go far to showing SD you are equally committed to her. This may not change anything, but it could. It could and actually should give you more authority in your and your husband's joint household. But, still, dad is mainly the one who should be flexing his muscles on that.
I guess it bugs me, because I'm still wanting for a decent relationship with my adult SKs after being married to their father for close to 20 years. Somewhat disengaged at this point. Maybe it shouldn't, but it bothers me when some GF comes on expecting the same with a child after only being with or living with dad for what appears to be not the longest time. I get it; I really do. And, it is important for dad to ask for some respect from his children for his GF, especially once they are serious. But what does serious mean? Nowadays, some dating couples are living together after only a matter of months if not weeks.
This truly complicates what is means to be a SM. I don't entirely agree with this, but some don't even think you are really a SM until you are married to dad. I'd apply SM to long-term GFs too. There is a difference between being a wife or long-term SO and a GF, especially when you are dating a man with children, no matter what kind of spin you try to put on it, even in these so-called modern times.
She doesn't owe you any more
She doesn't owe you any more special treatment or respect than anyone else's girlfriend... a brother's girlfriend, or a friend's girlfriend... a cousin's girlfriend... just because you are Dad's girlfriend, and just because YOU CHOOSE to drive her around and clean up after her, doesn't mean she owes you some feels...
Relationship status with someone does not mean good treatment from someone else.
In your case, it seems like at least she's been raised to have some form of decency... at least, enough to recognize that your "status" as dad's girlfriend deserves SOME less than animal behaviour... but no, she is NOT required to like you.
Don't just "kind of"
Don't just "kind of" disengage, disengage. Stop doing her laundry or anything else for her. She's 15, she can do her own laundry and figure out how to get to school. Remember, you are her dad's girlfriend, not the servant.
That's because you are just
That's because you are just the girlfriend lol.
Here's a little secret. I don
Here's a little secret. I don't really like my SD all that much, but I do treat her respectfully as I try to do with anyone else. I care about her. We've been part of each other's lives for 9 years, but she's a little walking talking BM and we don't really have anything in common. If it weren't for DH, we would have nothing to do with each other. So yes, she does only have to like you/respect you because you are her dad's gf. Now since you say she is NOT respecting you, I agree with the others - disengage. You owe nothing to her. You aren't even married to the father, and even if you were you still owe nothing to her.
Toxic spawn are the product
Toxic spawn are the product of toxic parents. This guy is not worthy of you. Move on.
Hmmm. - still here and feel
Hmmm. - still here and feel,awkward
sorry guys
will 100% disengage. But I know if Her dad read this he would say it works both Ways and I don't talk to her nicely I have given up in a way but still do cooking, cleaning and shopping for us all/
Create and post a chore list
Create and post a chore list complete with names. When your SO and his spawn don't do their part, you don't shop, you don't feed them, you don't clean up after them. Let them wallow in their lazy nastiness. Put a lock on your bedroom door and let your SO sleep with his kid. See how he likes that.
Take care of you.