I feel like I hate my SD

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HI,

I know it’s a strong, powerful word - but I really feel like I hate my SD. She is now 15 and lives with me & her dad (no BM on the scene).

I think emotions have just escalated massively as I had my birthday 5 days ago and it is hers today. SD on the day came home from school, muttered “oh I forgot it was your birthday” then walked away. Letter she popped to Tesco and gave me and unwrapped box of Toffoffee - that’s it. Ok, so she’s a tenn etc, but then it comes to he4 birthday and I’m asked to buy the birthday card, I know Dad hasn’t got anything ... I have got a bag of chocs and toiletries - is it ok to just give them or should I add a DVD/CD. I feel spiteful,but hurt and like she doesn’t deserv3 my efforts.

Ther3 is more to the history of what I do for BD, how she treats me and be3n ongoin* for YEARS!

Bitter SM in the making?!

It's her father's job to get

It's her father's job to get her a birthday gift. For the record, he should also be helping her get you a decent gift, if he wants that to happen.

Don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed. But don't go out of your way to do things for her, either.

Where is her father in this? I would never expect my SS to remember my birthday. He probably doesn't even remember his own parents' birthday.

She knows it’s my birthday as

She knows it’s my birthday as we all live together. However, I don’t expect her to get me anything as I know how little she thinks of me (although at 15 she is old enough to buy me something...even a card, but not decent enough).

i just want to feel better about not feeling obliged and not wanting to go out of my way for her (as a SM in an ideally perfect fairytale might).

Maybe you should make

A point with SD. And get her very little. Maybe that will wake her up ?

teens are notoriously self

teens are notoriously self absorbed.. the fact that she got you anything at all is a sign that she cares about you..and your feelings. So, it wasn't as nicely done as it could have been.. she could have easily got you nothing which is what I got from my SD's most of the time...lol. Occasionally they did something but it was hit or miss... they treat dad the same way..lol. Their dad is a terrible gift giver so I think it's genetic.

Thank you

Not to be sexist

I think in most households, the woman takes the lead in gifts. In an intact family, dad will remind kids to get stuff for mom and vice versa. In step families, this might fall throgh the cracks. No nice person wants to remind someone to get a gift for them. I think OP needs to talk to dad about teaching his DD social niceities. No one is doing this kid a favor by not letting her know how the world operates.

Without direction neither SD

Without direction neither SD would ever do anything for myself or even DW on their own, so I do exactly the same for them.

Ok - had a reality check!

thank you all

My teenage kids didn't even tell me HB until they were forced

Back in may I celebrated by Bday. My husband invited some friends over for cake. When I got home from work, they said nothing, when everyone started showing up and giving me hugs and telling me HB, they said nothing! When my husband got home I told him that it's pretty sad when your own damn family doesn't even say HB.....well he goes and talks to them and forces them to come say HB. It was embarrassing because our friends witnessed the pathetic forced birthday wishes from both of them. Needless to say SD birthday was the following month and you better believe I did not even acknowledge her birthday. I will no longer expect it from them nor should they from me. I think going forward, i will plan on being on vacation somewhere else on my birthday so I don't have to spend it with them!