I'm sure this is posted somewhere but here goes what makes Bio DADS ball less cowards???ANYONE?
Ok let me say I get it FOR SOME. Maybe these dads don't get to see their kids as much as they would like so they don't want to rock the boat over every little thing. Maybe BM has full custody and is a total bitch so its better to "take the high road" over some minor things to avoid fighting in court all the time. I get it I really do.
BUT I'm talking about the Bio dads that let their spawn treat them like road kill. Step kids that are allowed to hit,swear yell at them. Step kids that are aloud to treat the new wife even worse than the bio dad. I'm talking about BM's who instill such fear that Bio dads take two days to answer a email to make sure they have all the correct information because once its "sent" its locked in stone. I'm talking about Bio dads that say they "give in" to Bio moms because they want peace in their life and not be fighting all the time. BUT have no problem spending hours fighting with thier current wife over why they are giving into the exwife. WHY WHY WHY???
FEAR. It's all just fear.
FEAR. It's all just fear.
Yep I’m going to go with fear
Yep I’m going to go with fear. And most likely that was also how he has always been treated to a degree within that relationship (whether it has remained constant or escalated) so he just tolerates and appeases it
Ok I'll go with that BUT why don't they "fear"
upsetting/losing the current wife?
Sometimes they need to be
Sometimes they need to be taught to fear losing/upsetting you more than BM before they stop behaving this way. My DH was like that well before we married, we weren't even engaged yet. I made it clear that he could have peace with one of us, not both, and if it wasn't going to be me he chose to have peace with I was done. And I meant it.
Until I got to that point, no amount of bitching or complaining got through to his thick skull... he thought *I* was the one behaving unreasonably for not wanting to go along with his 'make BM happy at all costs' plan. I had to literally be ready to walk before he realized that HE was the one out of line, and what his moronic behaviour was going to cost him. We haven't had an issue with it since (though I can't say BM was happy about her new position! LOL)
Some may feel
That they have lost one wife and moved on, but children are not replaceable.
Maybe, but alot of them have
Maybe, but alot of them have kids with the current wife also that they are risking losing time with also.
Because current wife doesn't
Because current wife doesn't threaten them with leaving and puts up with all this crap. Read these blogs, women stay for years and sometimes don't even say anything because they themselves are afraid of losing the man if they set limits.
They are more scared of the
They are more scared of the ex than the current wife- they don’t believe current wife will leave. They believe that by having peace with the ex it will give peace in their new life (eventually). You have to remember too that they got to a place that was so bad that they split- and often when the ex has unrealistic demands that are interfering and upsetting his current family it is because she is unreasonable (and he already knows this).
i just saw a funny meme... a man feels more love every time he is forgiven and given another chance by his spouse and a woman feels less love every time she gives him another chance. You are together and he thinks because you love him you won’t go anywhere- he doesn’t have a care about the ex but tries to placate her thinking it will give him peace in his (and your) life. It is a faulty way of thinking but he is also probably used to crappy relationship patterns too and I’m certain yours isn’t as bad as theirs was (not yet anyways).
No idea
But I’m starting to wonder if they werent such whiny little man babies that their marriage to BM would have worked out better. Cause if we were forced to put up with the messy houses, crappy attitudes and weasly little pissant husbands in a first marriage, we’d all be the b!tch BMs too. But since it’s a “blended” marriage, we feel the need to tolerate it more.
I think one of the biggest
I think one of the biggest problems is that any advice for how to handle a divorce is so fru-fru. All they talk about or recommend is to be nicey-nicey to one another. How often is that going to happen? None of them ever mention PAS or such or what to do if BM is out for blood, other than to say, “Take the high road,” which too often winds up being ‘make yourself a doormat and a big one.’
I think men have a harder time moving on up from a divorce for almost the same reasons women have a harder time in the step-parenting role. Not much changes with BM—she gets to keep the first family home where rules and boundaries have already been established. BM gets instant empathy being a single parent, even if she was the one cheating on dad. The common thought is that married women who have affairs are doing it because they’ve been neglected. Married men who have affairs, on the other hand, are doing it because they are just cads.
The list of double standards for men and women when it comes to divorce and step-parenting is at least a mile wide. Statistics show that women are the ones usually wanting the divorce. They’ve already had time to think and prepare. The man is usually hit with it, and has to try to process it all after the fact. Meanwhile, he is living in a small one-bedroom apt. and getting the kids and trying to maintain a father relationship with them only seeing them EOWE, perhaps.
Now, what all of that has to do with dad eventually meeting another woman and being able to move on, I’m not so sure. However, in some ways, divorce dads get as equally screwed in the unrealistic expectations our society has for them as SMs do. Given that, I’d say it is amazing any marriage between a divorced dad and his new wife works out at all.
My DH was NOT afraid of BM
My DH was NOT afraid of BM and he set boundaries and tried to enforce the CO. For his efforts, he ended up alienated from his son for over three years. He would not change how he did things, though, because he was no longer willing to be abused by BM or by his son.
But the fear is real - these BMs will alienate the kids if the man doesn't let them control everything and some men cannot fathom enduring that.
"Wants to be the kid's bestie
"Wants to be the kid's bestie." Thankfully DH has been good about this lately. Actually enforcing, etc. But GAG. This is the one of the absolute worst things parents can do imho.
They sit there and throw aside all the logic and reasoning behind punishing your kid and turning them into a productive member of society, and elevate the kid to adult status. All to "be the bestie." Then guess what? The kid f***s up 100% of the time. Because they never learned anything!!!
Psycho's mom did it, her dad was too scared of everyone and scarred by the s*** GBM pulled all the time to do anything. Her brother has NEVER had a job and is in his thirties, her sister is a two-faced user who's married to a "reformed" druggie and felon who's dodging child support payments (who moved in with them when he was 16 and she was 14 so they could play happy family, guess what? She got preggo), and Psycho got knocked up at 16 on purpose and was the class wh0re.
DH's parents did it to an extent on some things, saw Psycho was terrible for him, he even got suspended because of her, and yet let things continue because he "has the right to make his own choices." Guess what? Ended up with a Psychotic b****.
We see it on here all the time too. the Spouses babying the kids and trying to be their bestie, all while the kid is spiraling out of control because they aren't being disiplined or learning right from wrong, or... or...
They think if they're their kid's bestie that everything will be magic. The kid will tell them everything and it'll be perfect. In reality they're doing the kid a disservice all because they'd rather be the bestie than actually parent the kid.
So what do you do when...
your DH lets his 19-year old daughter rule the roost? She tells the DH what she will and will not do and he backs down from her? She's not held accountable for her actions, nor is she taught to be responsible for anything. She has grown up getting her way by manipulation of her parents and they both give in. I, the SM, get mad at my DH because he gives in and does what 19-yo wants. She is like a mini wife to him. I'm sick of him acting like this and not being a responsible parent and putting his foot down. DH says he doesn't want to deal with it, which in turn gives SD more power over him thinking she can get away with anything. He is a weak parent and is not teaching his daughter to be a productive, responsible adult. So as a SM, what do you do? I feel like she is out of control and has no respect or consideration for anybody in the house. He threatens to kick her out but does not follow through with anything. So, if anybody has been in a situation liked this, how did you handle the situation and your DH?
Are you still living with
Are you still living with your MIL, also? Between the SD and the MIL, I think I would find my own place.
I have said stuff
to my DH but he gets mad because he thinks I'm "bitching" and so I don't say too much anymore.
The answer is simple. These
The answer is simple. These mean are ball less cowards because they are BALL LESS COWARDS.
That type of man ALWAYS has an excuse.
Fear, lack of balls, zero
Fear, lack of balls, zero understanding of their duty to raise well behaved children to viable adulthood, lack of balls, immaturity, lack of confidence, lack of balls, stubborn idiocy, willful ignorance, lack of balls, and did I mention.... lack of balls.
It all comes down to one simple thing!
They suck at parenting. I recall my husband when we first met and my soon to be son in law now and they didn't/don't have a clue. Most men look to women to take this role on and just go with the flow. And then when another woman enters the picture, she is sometimes interrupting the flow particularly when expecting him to be involved.