Father Day/Ex /Financial ties
I get so bummed about my DH still having financial ties with his ex but not me! Everything at our house is in my name. I am totally stretched as both cars, house, all utilities, everything is in my name. I have had to do this because BM and DH didn’t pay their bills. He told me that she would always be behind and stuff when they were married and it supposedly drove him crazy. I found out after we were married that they had declared bankruptcy years ago together. Fast forward to now..BM refuses to refinance the house and get DH’s name off of it. Since we have been married, she let the 2nd mortgage foreclose and another utility bill still in his name went to collections. His credit is crap. I’ve been trying to help him rebuild it but his name won’t go on our home as long as his is still on hers. Today we went over there to drop the kids off and one of the kids checked the mail and handed him some mail. Well BM takes one out of his hand and says it’s the water bill. The other was a pre approved credit card. I’m so livid. Why is the water in my husband’s name??? His name isn’t on any bills at our house! Of course we get into a fight about it. I get the old, you’re controlling, you don’t trust me to take care of things. Well it’s been 7 years and we are still dealing with this BS so NO I’ve lost that trust. What can I do? Where do I go from here. He doesn’t understand when I say I feel cheap. He’s more connected to her financially than me. It’s not been a year. It’s been 7. I feel I’ve been more than patient.
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Ugh... seriously? Seven years
Ugh... seriously? Seven years?
This is not "BM" fault anymore... this is your DH allowing her to continue on like this.
I would also have a huge problem with this.
7 years?! You have been more
7 years?! You have been more than patient. I would have been seeing red with that water bill. Why is his name on anything at the exs?? Insane.
Wow
Absolutely agree. You’ve been more than patient. I would have been SO angry, and losing trust, too.
I wonder how he would feel if you were paying bills for an ex of yours without his knowledge? Would he appreciate financial secrets?
Hugs & understanding your way-
It’s your DH doing
Stop blaming the Ex. You should tell DH has a month to get bills out of his name, or he goes to live with the EX. Stop being used.
He isn’t paying his ex’s
He isn’t paying his ex’s bills. He is just so passive. He isn’t taking any action to see what she still has in his name or call around to take things out of his name. We did go to a lawyer about the house and there wasn’t much we could do. The lawyer didn’t think we could win a court case with it. Now we are fighting. He says I’m being over dramatic and over reacting. I don’t think so. 7 years and there has been no progress whatsoever and here it is another thing popping up that we didn’t know about. He would rather do nothing than do something about it.
The more you share about your
The more you share about your H, the less I like him.
He's a cr@ppy parent and a cr@ppy partner to you.
This would be a deal breaker
This would be a deal breaker for me. I'm not living with a guy who still picks up his mail at his ex-wife's house.
If it weren't for the fact that
we live in different states Happycamper I would think we were the same guy
It took my SO 5 years to get his name of his ex's mortgage and $8,000 in attorney fees. What does his Divorce paperwork say? Does she have a time limit as to when she has to refinance by? SO's did but ex skank tried every trick in the book (foreclosure, Obama refinance, etc.) to keep him on the loan. She did not want to give up that VA loan at all. Like I said, 5 long years and $8,000.00 in attorney fees. Hang in there usually there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I did have to push him to finally sever the last tie between him and ex. As to the utility bills, there is absolutely no reason these should still be in his name and he should make sure that they are not asap.
Seven years is too damn long
Seven years is too damn long to be going through this and his indifference to this situation is alarming. Since everything is under your name I'd tell him to show you he's making moves to remedy the situation or get the f@ck out! Why are you having to deal with this BS and he's manipulating you by saying that "you’re controlling, you don’t trust me to take care of things".
Heck no you don't trust him and why should you?
What's it going to take Happycamper.....another 7 years and another 14 after that? When is enough, enough?