So we have not seen SD since the 19th, when we had to call the cops on her for her outburst and destruction of property. Normally she would be with us 3.5 days per week. I am okay with the fact that she is refusing, I made it known to DH that I won't be driving her, wasting hours a week of my life talking and listening to her for her only to keep fucking up, I won't be cooking meals to appease her limited likes outside of Hot Cheetos and Mini Muffins. While DH is a wonderful father, the relationship with his daughter has been impacted by having a teenage daughter that now doesn't want to hang out with dad, so when she is at our house she spent a lot of time talking to me and dealing with me rather than her father. Most teenage girls tend to drift to the female in the house, I was the same way in my Dad and Stepmom's house as a teenager.

So the last week BM has continued her rants. We sent her our vacation days for the summer, she is the primary parent she can deal with SD when we are not . Along with a statement that something needs to give, that every week SD or BM ruin our week by making constant changes to the schedule (there is no CO in order with who has what days, BM screwed DH and we cannot even think of fixing it right now, she is a teenager and doesnt want to be at our house) that every Sunday involves endless text messages, calls and sometimes DH going to pick up SD and sitting in the car for an hour because she refuses to come outside or locks herself in the bathroom. She has been trying to sabotage her mothers job for years (BM travels 3 days per week, every week) and I think the recent stunt is this, refuse to go to dads and mom will lose her job) That while SD is welcome in our home we will not force her or make her spend time with us, no one wins in this situation and for the sake of their relationship SD should only come if she wants to be in our home.

So after we send the email that states we cannot force an almost 14 year to come to our home, we are not going to be challened by them every week on Sunday and ruin DH's only day off from work and then that ruins our whole day.

Well BM was not happy with this, she can see the writing on the wall and that is we are not bending to her needs ( Custodial parent who is absentee, leaves daughter alone sometimes overnight, and has no idea that SD is smoking, vaping, and getting high because she doesn't pay attention, and even if she did she would make excuses for it) she starts with a response to DH:

• You need to spend time with your daughter alone (I have always encouraged this neither of them REALLY want to)
• You need to pick her up and bring her to the park without (Me) and talk to her
• You need to allow her to have friends over (I tell her 4+ times a month that she is allowed to have friend over, I think she doesn't want us to meet them, they are NOT GOOD)
• That SD was talking about our pool being open and we should have her and a friend come over to swim (yes I LOVE being used for our pool and if it takes a pool for her to come over, FUCK HER)
• That SD was looking forward to going to the Cape to stay at the house with my sister and her husband this summer and maybe she could bring a friend (Nope this is my sisters vacation house, not ours, not inviting a delequent friend and also AGAIN she is not welcome to be with us to USE us or when we are doing something exciting)
• That us being honest about her behavior, her schooling, and her actions and holding her accountable like ANY good parent would do was scaring her and she doesn't feel safe or happy at our house. (Just as an FYI, she has failed all of her classes this year, she missed 29 school days (all when she was with BM), she was kicked out of her school with 3 weeks left, she is being sent to a theraputic school that starts this summer, she is going drugs, she is telling off anyone she can from school principals to police officers...) So we punish or take away privileges , mom brings her shopping and spends endless money on her.

We have decided that BM can go fuck herself. That we have extended to SD that she is welcome in our home but she has to follow the rules (that was also an issue from BM) and that there will be consequences for her actions. OF course she doesnt want to be at our house. But she thinks she is going to come over and just be like NOTHING was wrong or we are going to kiss her ass, nope sorrry honey not happening. I liked what I read somewhere or in one of my post where someone said that "in their house they do not negotiate with terrorist "  BM and SD are both fucking out of their mind and no rational human thinks like them. DH will not risk losing me, I told him that I understand she is your daughter, I will be civil with her but for my own mental well being I need to back off because I will so easily get pulled back into her shit and I cannot do that. He understands, I am sure it makes it hard for him feeling pulled and I am doing my best not to make it that way. But honestly if she never came back into my home, I would be okay with that. She causes nothing but headaches and heartaches.