I like to live with low expectations. 

I am not a "mother" but I am a SM. My MIL tells me happy mother's day as does DH. SD spends Mother's Day with BM naturally and per the CO.

But this is the 2nd year that SD has written and made things at school for both me and her BM. And last night SD even drew me a card and said happy mother's day. 

But I'm not going to hold my breath that this will always happen.  

I dont have much expectations. I am SM but also BM to my younger kids. So I remind SD to talk to her BM because she will need it more than me. Honestly, with little kids, all I need on Mothers Day is to not be a mother!

No expectations! I was a SM for years before I had my BD. SD would make me things and tell me happy mother's day. Now that she is older (11), she doesn't make things anymore but she still says happy mother's day. She has always spent the day with her BM per the court order.

To me, mother's day is for mothers.
If you aren't one, or the skids aren't yours, it's not your day.

I  watch the fall out with bemusement:  for once it is the entitled attitude of some stepmothers who expect to be acknowledged when it is not their day.
I don't get why they expect Mother's day to be different.
It's SSDD, even on mother's day.

I am not a bio mother.  I have 2 young adult SDs.. they are generally fairly good about acknowledging me on mother's day.  But, I don't expect it. 

My own mother passed away ON Mother's day after a long decline in her 70's.  It's not really the happiest of days as a result for me.. I mean, my mother's passing was expected and in many ways a blessing to stop her suffering.  But still.

But, I did just spend yesterday picking out and sending gifts to people in honor of mother's day.

1.  my OSD.. who is now a mother herself of a 2.5 yo boy

2.  My MIL.. my husband's mother.. on behalf of both of us.

3.  My elderly Aunt who was divorced by my dad's brother.. she is a bit down these days and I figured it would brighten her day.

4.  My little bro has a birthday tomorrow too.. (and yes.. my mom passed away on his birthday.. oof).

Mother's Day is for mother's. In your average blended family where kids have both a BM and a Step Mom, there is no place for Step Mom b/c she is not the mother. Also, as a mother....the last thing I would want for Mother's Day is my kids fawning over their step mother who I detest. Gross!!!!!

Sometimes the skids give me recognition and sometimes they do not. I don't expect it as I am not their mother and it usually comes off as fake and forced anyways even though I give DH props for having them do something for me. Mother's day is sad for me because it reminds me that I do not have my own children and probably never will. I also will most likely also get to watch SS gorge his food while using no manners.

I'm leaning towards the mothers day is for mothers. I definitely have not ever gotten anything from SD on mothers day and dont want anything from her. I have bio kids though, if I was a SM that wanted to have bios and wasnt able to I'm sure I would feel differently.

But, then I have no bios of my own. I may deal with the vomit, the tears, the blood, but I'll never be "mom". I deal with the issues, spend my own money, but I did not give birth.

Thats nice, if you recieve any recognition. But its not to be expected. I, too get a but sad around this time, but then get happy that my own mother is still around for me to appreciate.

I love my daughter’s stepmom and I appreciate all the things she does and how she contributes to help our families run smoothly.  I personally actually think it is flat out wrong when a SM (or stepdad) who is involved (and where there is a healthy dynamic) isn’t recognized on Mother’s or Father’s Day. 

My daughter is a teen now so that usually just involves a telephone call or text (she doesn’t make me anything anymore either, Lol).  And I will usually send a nice message myself as well, and get one in return. The gifts are up to the spouses.  

You aren’t “The Mother” but you are a stepmom and play a parental role within your household, so I think what your DH said was a bit out of line (or unnecessary anyways).  My daughter looks at ALL of us collectively as her “Parents”. A stepmom or stepdad still has an important role. 

Darlin' only you define what you are. You don't need "Mother's Day' to make you question where you stand. Do you consider yourself a Mother? If so, that's all the validation you need. To h@ll with what your SO or anyone else thinks. Just because you don't have a biological child doesn't mean you are not a Mother......You define who and what you are....

I feel that it is a "case by case" basis. Not everyone is the same. Although, I do feel as though being a SM doesn't necessarily "entitle" me to anything on mothers day, doesn't mean I don't look forward to it. It is just another " hallmark holiday" afterall. If you shouldn't need recognition as a SP then neither should you as a Bio. In my personal life, I am both a SP and a bio.  I look forward to mothers day because I see it as a day that causes people (including me) to step back and look at the things the mothers (step, bio, in-law) in my life do just to make MY life better, let alone my childre, and thank them for it. So basically what I am trying to say is, just do what feels right to you! If you feel like you should be celebrated as a step-parent, then to hell with whatever anyone else thinks and celebrate! Even if you're just celebrating by yourself for yourself!

I think stepmoms should be acknowledged on mother's day, as long as they're not disengaged. I mean, it's a day to appreciate MOMS - all moms - who do so much for the kids. Most of us do. But at the same time, I have my SD every. single. mothers. day. and it drives me nuts. Her mom is fairly uninvolved aside from visits on holidays/summer so I get stuck with her. I never used to mind, but since having my 18-month-old son, I wish I could have a mother's day with him alone. I know that sounds awful, but it's how I feel. 

My first mother's day was especially hard because I felt like I was finally, finally a real mother to the baby who made me a mother - the one I gave birth to and he was mine, not shared between me and another woman, and I just wanted the day to be special as my "first" official mother's day. But it couldn't be. 

I have zero expectations. And ignore comments from anyone.

YSD's best freind's mother last week told SD, right in front of me (I was picking her up and had just talked about next week's schedule and dinner plans, etc.) that oh yes, "...it's Mother's Day weekend next weekend, remember to treat your mother like gold and do lots of things for her!"  Me:  ignored.  That pretty much sums it up.

YSD is also super exited because it's also BM's birthday weekend!  Joy!  How exiting for all of you!  Meanwhile, Cover is finishing cooking dinner, talking about school work, showing YSD where to put X or how to do Y....yeah, lots of recognition. 

So while I don't mind not 'celebrating' for myself, the outright obliviousness of people continues to astound me.  And reminds me why I disengage...(I told DH last night I'm not cooking again for a week - his turn).

I have no bios (by choice) but DH appreciates the things that I have done for his daughter over the years, so he celebrates me for Mother's Day (but I really tried not to take on the motherly role).

If he happens to talk to SD on the phone that day or weekend, she will tell him to tell me Happy Mother's Day but otherwise, she doesn't make an effort, and I am okay with that.

FYI, there’s a stepmother’s day the following Sunday.

skids are my kids half siblings, there is no happy birthday or anything. Just silence even from ss at home. I return the favour when its their birthdays, just dead silence. 

Heck even hubby (their dad) doesn’t say happy birthday to sd’s.. you know pas and all there isn’t much of a relationship with any of the 3 skids, just crumbs....

Respect and in being polite, I think Step-Children should say Happy Mother's Day.  3 words no one is asking them to buy gifts or spend the day with them it is polite and respectful and just 3 words.  

With that said some years I get acknowledged with a text message saying Happy Mother's Day,  some I don't.   It is ok with me either way as unfortunately we do not have much of relationship because their mother never allowed it.  My son is closer to my husband than I am to his kids so my son always buys my husband a gift and says Happy Fathers Day and my ex-husband has no problem with it,  

My family has a ginormous family reunion (been doing it for 6 generations) on Mother's Day.  Even the men will be told "Happy Mother's Day" just like one would say "Merry Christmas".   When we talk about Mother's Day in my family it's about the big reunion.

OP, that is for sure a confusing place to find oneself in with their DH, step parenthood, and Mother’s Day. I’m sorry...

My thoughts are: This is most definitely one of those holidays that vastly differs from family to family. Same could be said for Father’s Day, and Grandparent’s Day too, of course.

In my situation, I never took on the step-mother role with Skid, because BM was not having any of that. Still doesn’t. Which is just fine with me. She can have all the glory and heartache that comes with being a mother. I have my own children with DH, and she has hers.

With that said, I’ve never received any sort of acknowledgement from Skid on Mother’s Day. I’ve never expected it, nor do I ever want that acknowledgment from her. She is not my child.

But, some women *are* the only mother to other people’s biological children, and I get that they have very legit feelings on this holiday. 

I receive enough “Happy Mother’s Day” wishes, outside of DH and my children, from extended family members, strangers, and childless friends to last me all year long. 

Can be difficult for a lot of people, including SMs, women who have had misscariages, and others. 

I do not think kids should be encouraged to send a card, etc to SM.  They should thank SM during the year as appropriate, but  the main person who should be thanking SM is DAD.  SM is taking the load off of DAD.  If anything, SM should get a card on FAthers day.  My DH does thank me.  I think a lot of the SM/kid problems are created by DAD. 

The operative element of any Step title is not ... Step... It is ether Mother or Father.  So, Happy Mother's day.

As for yoru DH telling you that you are not a mother... he is is an ass.

Find a man who is worth a shit to be your equity life partner.  I cannot immagine my bride telling me that I am not a father.  

She was raised by her mom and StepDad and he was her daddy.  My MIL would never have told my FIL he was not my brides father just as my bride would never tell me I am not my son's (SS-26)  father.  I have been his Dad(dy) since his mom and I married the week before he turned 2yo. He asked me to adopt him when he was 22yo.  We made that happen. So now we have papers that demonstrate what has always been the case. I am his dad.

Biology has nothing to do with being a mother or father. And neither does the prefix ahead of the title of mother or father.  Being a mother or father is all in taking the actions and responsibilities of parenting and that is far more than the biological act of creating a child.  Anyone can have sex.  Not everyone can be a mother or father of quality.

This goes back to the age old question: what is a mother? 50% of the time ss is living in mine and dh’s house. I take care of him just like I do my little ones. When ss recognizes that, I appreciate it and when he doesn’t, I shrug it off because usually my own kids don’t do much. I definitely think stepmoms should be thanked for loving their stepkids and helping to take care of them but the BM also needs that recognition. I do not think that DH is responsible for getting BM a mother’s day gift from ss. If ss wants to recognize his mom then he should but DH is not married to her and has no obligation to thank her for giving birth 12 years ago or for letting him lay around the house and play video games all day (her words). 

I do not want recognition from Skids. I have been in their life for 5 years and they are still cold but "polite" to me for the most part. They don't initiate any conversation and clearly only tolerate me for the most part. I have been nothing but kind to them, bought them lots of things and "killed them with kindness" lol. I don't expect anything nor do I want anything from them.

We have my SS this week until Sunday at 4 pm (normal weekly switch time) and I have suggested that he spend the WHOLE day with her since it is Mother's Day. I want to go out alone with my 5 biokids. Mothers day is MY DAY and I don't want to spend it with my SS who will just annoy me.

As a side note, in the beginning I was so excited about my role as Step Mother. The first couple of years I was truly hurt that the Skids never acknowledged me on Mother's Day. Now I don't think of myself as a step mother nor do I want ANY recognition from them on Mother's Day.

Mother’s Day is what you make it. Half that crap is over-consumerism and just shoved down societies throats so well spends heaps of money. Before BS, I would buy my mom and grandma something. Me and DH would order out or go out to eat. We didn’t outwardly saw it was for Mothers Day but he knows if he’s going to waste money on a gift giving day, I’m all about the food and despise flowers and clutter. Now that I have BS my goal is to spend the day with him doing whatever makes us happy. I will still do something for my mom and grandma but SS never comes to mind.