New here, need advice please!
So I'm engaged to be married in October to my loving fiancé who has twin boys from a previous marriage. I'm a divorced mom with 4 grown children and I'm 5 years older! We have been together Almost three years and have had custody for two of them. Short story, she was keeping the boys from him and when he went to get rights established she failed drug test and they were immediately placed in our care. It has been two years and she still can not pass a drug test, she comes and goes! She's been arrested for shoplifting and child support. I have always tried to be nice to her. She has only 2 hour visitation with the boys a week supervised by me or their dad. He works second so I'm the one that usually makes these available and will try and always accommodate her. But she shows up when she wants and don't most of the time. I've tried to encourage her. But she often gets on these rants and I get so upset with her I let her get to me. My fiancé doesn't pay her attention and says I feed into her. But am I wrong wanting him to stand up for me! I mean I do everything for those boys, I'm pretty much the mom. Even though I try to include her I'm the one that gets the rath. So I stand up for myself. And things get ugly verbally. I wish I didn't let her get to me. I see the pain she causes these boys when she don't show up after she promises them she will. And I let her have it. I knownit don't matter. She don't care. How do I not let this get to me!
For it not to get to you, you
For it not to get to you, you have to let your H deal with her with ALL issues pertaining to the kids. Boundaries have to be created for when she visits and if she's not there she can't see them. He should have your back and if he doesn't, than he has to do all the foot work when it comes to personally dealing with her. You shouldn't have to be arguing with her getting aggravated because she doesn't know how to communicate and parent. I'd step aside and let him endure all her BS.
No way in god's green earth
No way in god's green earth would I supervise visits between the BM and her child. She can apply for supervised visitation in a center, or your BF can find another person to supervise. Of course she's going to mistreat you, she thinks you "stole" her kids. This kind of mother never owns her own stuff.
Tell your fiance you are done doing his dirty work.
Yeah there is no way in hell
Yeah there is no way in hell I would supervise those visits. That is so far out of the scope of your responsibility. I have little to no contact with BM. She is not my problem, she is DH's. She can't really piss you off if you have no contact. People lost custody of their kids for a reason - they have issues and usually are not rational people. When drugs are involved, its a whole other ballgame (we have a drug addict BM as well).
You should not be doing the supervision.
You should not be doing the supervision. If DH can't do it, he needs to find someone else who can. There are centers that provide this service, he can use on of those. Even if he works swings, he should be able to do it on his days off or in the morning.
Thanks
Thanks everyone. I agree. I'm washing my hands of her and her problems. I made the mistake of offering to make sure those boys saw their mom. And I'm the one that has to stop. I can't let her get to me if I'm not speaking with her. Thanks
Ya make her pay, literally,
Ya make her pay, literally, because those visitation centers charge. She can put the work in, it isn’t your responsibility.