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I need this off my chest

JBDmom's picture

Submitted by JBDmom on Mon, 04/29/2019 - 9:49pm

 Sometimes it feels like she gets forgotten and pushed behind her sisters shadow in her dads eyes. I try to not hold resentment but it’s hard when I can clearly see one child being favored over the other. I understand why my BF feels the way he does about my SD. With her mom being out of the picture he feels sorry for her and lets that dictate the way he treats his kids. He puts my SD first in every situation. I divide my attention equally between the girls but my BF can’t be bothered to do the same. He tells me that he’s so worried that my SD doesn’t get the attention she needs when he’s not here so he checks up on her well being constantly. He never worries about our daughter. Even when we separated for a week he never checked on our daughters well being but he did tell me how he was worried about SD feeling home sick and tried to manipulate me into watching her for him “so she could be home for a little while” I’ve been told on multiple occasions that I’m not good enough for his daughter and he seems to have no problem walking out the door until he needs someone to babysit for him. I love my SD I’ve basically raised her and the only reason she’s as behaved as she is now is because I’m the only one who cared to parent her. I just can’t stand to see her put up on a pedestal while our other daughter gets tossed aside by him because (SD) needs all the attention in the world. I understand that this sounds super hateful and it probably is to a point. I just know that my daughter deserves to be just as important to her dad as her sister. 

Comments

Monkeysee's picture

Submitted by Monkeysee on Tue, 04/30/2019 - 3:32am

Posts like this make me really sad. Your BF shouldn't have had another child if he wasn't going to give both his kids equal love and attention. Your daughter (you shouldn't use their real names) deserves to have love and attention from her father just like your SD does.

The irony is that he's worried that SD is being neglected at BM's house so he's overcompensating for it, and yet he's doing the exact same thing to his younger child. Which makes him no better than the BM in this case (does she actually neglect SD or is that just him being a guilty daddee?). He's actually an enormous hypocrite, not to mention failing as a father.

All that said, your BF sounds like a jerk who's using you to babysit his older daughter. It's not just your daughter who deserves better, you both do.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Tue, 04/30/2019 - 4:40am

my husband did the same thing and me and our 2 toddlers were expected to compensate for sd23, ss20 and sd14. We were tossed to the side and i stood up. 

Hubby said he had to be fair to all his kids, i laid down the facts how he spent his time, when he went tovwork and came home, how much time spent with our toddlers (1/4 assed parenting time) and how much dedicated parentiny time to skids. 

Hubby sulked and didn’t talk to me for 2 days, i didn’t budge. Hubby knew the truth and couldn’t deny the facts unless he’s an idiot. 2 days later he admitted he was wrong and sorry. I told him i don’t want lip service, i don’t want sorry and i don’t want excuses. I want results...

he got much better

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 04/30/2019 - 5:35am

Why would you stay with a guy who walks out on you peridiocally and tells you you aren’t good enough for his daughter?

kaybee82's picture

Submitted by kaybee82 on Tue, 04/30/2019 - 6:50am

What she said.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 04/30/2019 - 7:20am

I would let him keep on walkin'. In fact, I would go ahead and give him his walking papers.

If he doesn't feel you are good enough for his daughter, how are you good enough for him? Why is he with you? He's using you, that's why.

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Tue, 04/30/2019 - 8:23am

The first time my DH told me I wasn’t good enough for his spawn...would be the last time I ever laid eyes on them.  Or him if possible, although your child makes that impossible.  But no way would I ever have dealing with the SD.  

And the fact he tries to manipulate you by “walking out?”  Let him.  Let him leave and see how he feels having strangers care for his child. 

 

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Tue, 04/30/2019 - 8:26am

I’ve been told on multiple occasions that I’m not good enough for his daughter and he seems to have no problem walking out the door until he needs someone to babysit for him.

^^^^^^^^^^^ this right here is enough for me to walk out on him with our daughter and never look back. He doesn't appreciate you, is taking you and your daughter for granted, and has no respect for the relationship. Walking out the door is not an option and not a healthy way to behave in a marriage. His priorities are not straight and hope you are able to have a talk with him and let him know how you feel and what you want to be done about it. His behavior towards you and daughter is UNACCEPTABLE and shouldn't be tolerated.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Tue, 04/30/2019 - 12:49pm

you leave the house too and message him that he better come home, his kid is alone and unsupervised and you are not the babysitter. If you aren’t good enough to be around her you shouldn’t be a babysitter for him...

if he tells you he is leaving and dumps his kids on you, you stand up for yourself and tell him to take his kids or find a babysitter as that isn’t you. He chucks a hissy fit you ignore him. If he leaves the house ignoring what you said, you message him and tell him his kid is alone at home so he better come home since he’s the parent

Happycamper's picture

Submitted by Happycamper on Tue, 04/30/2019 - 1:15pm

I'm telling you, these men don't fully accept their children with the "2nd wife/woman" like they do their first/original children. I don't have kids with my DH. He wouldn't have done it because he said they would take away from his kids.Well there ya go now! Just last week we were talking about one of his friends. His friend is in a second marriage. He has kids with both women. One of his kids was graduating and I asked my DH which one. His answer was, HIS REAL KID. I'm like....aren't they all real??? None of them are his step kids!!! Why do they only look at the kids they had with their first wife as the REAL ones??? I'm so glad that I didn't have more with DH because I know that's how it would be with him too. I already see how different he is with my kids vs. his kids. I'm thankful we didn't have an OUR kids.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 04/30/2019 - 7:58pm

thank god I went thru menopause about 4 years after Chef moving  in with me.  Both he and the Gir are extreme Disney.  To this day our parenting styles clash severely.  Chef cant even parent a kitten