I don’t know what to think
I’ve been deleting my blogs but to sum it up DH has started court proceedings to enforce access with SS11 and to have him put back into school.
BM was served right before Easter and contested it, so DH will get papers from her Friday. Then he will respond and court is Tuesday.
Anyways, she denied him Easter, it did fall on her time but the CO says it is supposed to be split.
SS12 came over Wednesday and we asked him about his Easter, just a normal how was your Easter? At first he was very hesitant but things slowly started coming out. Then he says “mom told me not to say anything so you did not hear this from me, I don’t want to be yelled at again” He proceeds to tell us that they spent the weekend in another city. And that his mom has rented a studio apartment that she plans on living in on the weekends (ya BM, her mom and 4 kids).He said she is thinking about moving there but leaving SS12 with us but for now this apartment is just for the next 4 months.
There’s a lot of BM history here that I won’t delve into but when SS11 was only 6months she left DH and moved in with a guy in this city. He is the father of baby #4. Now this kid thought baby #5s dad was their dad for a couple years until BM and #5 broke up. But apparently baby4s dad has been around at their appartment (even though he’s now married with children).
Anyways.... SS12 just starts spilling the beans. About how extra horrible BMs been since the court stuff started (we did not tell him, she did). How she’s coaching SS11 to talk to a judge. How he wanted to call DH all weekend but she wouldn’t let him. Then when MIL picked him up from school today he told her that “if mom hits me one more time I’m not going back there” and she said he said “my mom verbally and physically abuses me”
DH asked him about it. SS told him that she hit him once on the chest a couple months ago and that she calls him a retard and swears at him all the time. He said she also does it to SS11 but not nearly as often. DH asked him if he feels safe to go back there and he said I feel safe 75% of the time. But he was all wishy washy about it. He said he doesn’t want to go back anytime soon since she’s being extra mean with the court stuff. But that he’d like to live here and go visit on weekends or Tuesday Thursday Sunday ..... he just started coming up with weird visitation schedules.
DH is considering calling his lawyer for one of those emergency custody things but he isn’t sure how to proceed because of SS12s uncertain attitude.
To be honest I don’t know what to make of it.
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Comments
Ugh, it's so hard. Court
Ugh, it's so hard. Court makes these crazy women even crazier, and they ramp up their alienation efforts. Your SS12 seems fairly resilient, in the sense that he understands the BM is an abusive loon, but it is his mom and he probably fears losing her.
Did MIL call CPS about her hitting him and the verbal abuse? She should do it, not DH.
Your right about them getting
Your right about them getting crazier, we thought we knew what we were getting into but my god BMs actions and life are enough to make your brain bleed.
I haven’t talked to MIL personally but I will suggest it when I do.
Just encourage him to ALWAYS
Just encourage him to ALWAYS tell the truth. Not to worry about how it affects your DH or BM. Just the facts.
Absolutely. DH pretty much
Absolutely. DH pretty much said exactly that to him and his response was yah but you don’t have to live with her.
How awful. I am sorry you and
How awful. I am sorry you and your dh and most importantly skids are dealing with this. I can't imagine hearing my child talk about the abuse but they were receiving.
I hope you get custody.
Poor kid
It took me years of escalating aggressiveness before I was ready to “sell out” my mom. The last year her home was even remotely livable was saturated with absolute insanity: retribution for loving my dad, swinging between minute control and having me get on a city bus to go downtown for hours, allowing her husband to try and excorcise the devil from me..
honestly, if I had thought I would have to go back to her home for any amount of time, I probably would never have been able to speak up. The revenge she would have exacted would be more than I was willing to face.
We are dealing with a lot
We are dealing with a lot right now in the courts as well. We fear abuse (medical and emotional). However, even with proof through the ceiling we were told by our lawyer and by the GAL to NOT contact CPS. If you are in the middle of proceedings it will make it "look like" retaliation to the mother.
If I was you, I would be much more inclined to move forward with an emergency hearing than I would be to have MIL call CPS, or call myself.
Encourage him to talk to a
Encourage him to talk to a counselor at school. This is what they are there for. They are mandated reporters. Even f he doesn't report the abuse - it might help him sort out the court stuff.