This is when you know you have a problem
I've been married to my current DH for 2 years, together for 3. Married before for 15 years...I have 3 BIO DD's, he has 2 BIO DD's, together we have a 1 year old.
I love to take vacation's, namely Disney. Love it. It is my most favorite place. In my previous marriage we went once or twice a year and it was just amazing every single time.
DH and I took "everyone" to Disney last year...it began as a huge shit how. We told the kids...4 months before. BM had a raging fit screaming and yelling at DH for not telling her and how dare we and then be-rated their oldest DD (16) for missing her team's practices to go...except BM rarely makes them go to school let alone to a practice...so..making SD 11 feel bad about going......SD 11 had been basically alienated from DH so stopped sleeping at our hosue a year ago....and if attempted she cries, is sick, prays, sings...it is a shit show...and a fake shit show at that. So the night before we leave, the kid is crying and praying and "sick" (WTF??) and has BM on the phone...DH is on the phone. I'm thinking....this isn't even worth it....so DH starts ignoring SD 11 and she finally falls asleep.....wake up next morning and head to Disney for the week......everyone is happy...SD 11 maybe called BM twice....she was as happy as can be. (proves my point that she's just a brat and DH needs to make her spend the night if she cand spend a week out of state with us with no issues).
The trip was fine, I guess. SD 11 never left my DH's side...not for one second. Nothing like trips in the past. But now I have the green light to plan any vacation I want for all of us this summer....but I don't want to!!!!!!!!! The thought of it makes me ill. I can plan a great week in Disney....and I'd rather just be at work.
That was just a sampling....we can't do a single thing without BM and SD11 causing a freaking problem. Rather it be Disney world or mother effing mini golf.
I mean I'd rather shoot
I mean I'd rather shoot myself in the face the go to Disney, let alone with a bunch of kids, but I'd just say it was enough stress for you that you'd prefer not to do it again. Maybe do a weekened a close drive away?
So, this is alienation. SD
So, this is alienation. SD acts wonderfully when she is away from BM's influence - it's not "bratty" behavior, it's alienated child behavior.
I am just now (thanks to this
I am just now (thanks to this board) getting familar with the concept of alienation. So I should not have said "bratty". I just get so overwhelmed with the drama....my step kids are actually pretty great....it's the adults that cause the craziness and cause the SK's to have so many problems.
I have similar issues with
I have similar issues with SD11 and her nut BM. Next time, could you take your bios and go with a friend and her kids or brother/sister and nieces/nephews? That way they don't stop you from going to Disney but you don't have to deal with their crap.
"We can't do a single thing
"We can't do a single thing without BM and SD11 causing a freaking problem"
If its so problematic for SD to go to these trips because of BM than have her stay with her mother when you all go for vacation. Is this an option? You shouldn't stop enjoying your life because of BM and the influence that she has on SD. Continue to live your life with the rest of the kids and leave SD11 out of it. Just make sure your H makes it a point to tell her that he's not going to "make" her and go and live your best life.
You can not let SD control your life.
You want to go to Disney, then go to Disney. Make it clear to SD, she will only be asked once and only once. If she goes with you, there are rules. If you take SD and she never leave DH side, not much you can do, that Disney. Or any other vacation unless there some type of group activity for kids. What makes more of a SD vacation not yours
But you make the daily plan, thing for SD to see, Thing you want to do. But definitely no AS* kissing
An 11yo does what they are
An 11yo does what they are told. She does not monopolize your DH. Particularly on a blended family vacation. DH needs to understand this and he also needs to understand that the 11yo will not be included if SD-11 does not behavior appropriately or is not kept under strict control.
Her presence will be tolerated on a moment by moment basis and if she and he do not control her she will no longer be tolerated.
She is no different than any other child and she should be held to compliance with the standards of behavior that you and DH set for your home and family.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.