Mine is 16 now but he still cant manage most of this. He is also just the laziest human being on the planet. He doesn't bother brushing his teeth because "none have fallen out yet". At 12 they should be able to do their own homework, ask questions if needed, but handle it, not have to be supervised (mine cant do this either). They should be able to wake up with an alarm, but of course i would check to make sure they are up just because they are not great about that, but some adults arent either. They should have had chores for years already. Toddlers can pick up after themselves. They shouldn't need to be told to shower, brush their teeth or pick up after themselves. They should be cleaning their room, vacuuming, unloading/loading the dishwasher, cleaning their bathroom, can do their own laundry but different households handle that in different ways.

This is what they SHOULD do. My lazy terrorist will wear the same thing for days, not brush his teeth, not shower, wouldn't so much as throw an item in the trash and just leave it wherever it fell, never do homework and just do whatever he wants. This is due to shit parenting not based on what the child is capable of doing. He used to get an allowance for doing chores but we stopped since he refuses to reliably do them.

SS12 has a daily chore, he doesn't get paid for it. (For the record, SD9 has chores too). Like wildstang said, the chores are to teach them that everyone pitches in in a family. He sets an alarm to get up on his own in the morning, as does SD9. They both pack their own lunches. Does his homework at school or right after school- not doing it or needing to be babysat through the whole process is not really an option. My SO does not have patience for that and SS wouldn't really dare. He is expected to brush his teeth in the morning, and usually does it (probably because I'm there), but on wknds or breaks you need to make him do it or he won't. Showering is iffy, he usually needs to be told. He wouldn't have a problem wearing the same clothes repeatedly, but my SO doesn't let him. He does need to constantly be told to put on deodorant because he stinks. The showering/teeth thing seem to be pretty common on here for boys that age, unfortunately. Shudder.

My kids have always had chores. I do not believe in allowance. We are a family unit and we work together to keep our home nice. I also am not big on chore charts- we do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. I know that chore charts save other peoples sanitity, it just has never been my thing. 

Between the 3 kids that live with us (keep in mind SSstb19 is really like a 12 yr old- disabilities) they are all responsible for:

• Trash/Recycling
• Dishes
• Kitchen clean up at night
• Vacuuming the house
• Dusting
• Their own bedrooms
• Various yard work - mowing, weeds, gumball duty
• Bringing laundry to laundry room (I do the laundry, but if it isn't in the laundry room, it doesn't get done)

My 11 and 13 yr old have been waking themselves up since they were little. SS18 stuggles with that, but it is expected of him! Same goes with personal hygiene. They are all expected to wash and brush daily! 

IMHO chores are the responsibility that kids have to contribute to the home.  I dont think that kids should be paid for what htey should be doing as part of their age appropriate responsibilities to the home and family. 

Major project stuff.. yep, they should get paid.  Growing up that included tilling mom's garden, digging out the crawl space under the house to add storage space, decking in the attic, etc.....

Chores were mowing the yard, vacuuming, mopping, dusting, dishes, etc.....

A 12yo can mow the yard, do their laundry, dishes, etc.....

I have a 12 and 8 years old , they take turns to do chores  , dishes, trash, cleans up their room , sometimes we clean the house all together or work in the yard , they have their alarm set and wake up for school without being pushed.  As for homework the 12 years old does on his own. SD is 11 she’s good with school work but she doesn’t do any chores and has to be pushed to brush teeth and showers like once a week at BM’s and here she’s not allowed to shower 

1. Do your bios/steps have Regular chores that they are responsible for? Do you pay them?

OSD:  never had chores, DH refused to give them.  She was just magically supposed to grow up being responsible. Didn't happen. I tried giving small jobs to her around 11 - 13 yo, arrange potential baby-sitting, DH even founds some small money making things for her.  She didn't want to do ANY of it. Not even $ is a motivator, why would it be if mommy/daddy provide all wants 100% of the time?

YSD:  never had chores, DH resfused to give them.  BUT she does things on her own - I like to think with some of my influence (she's always been more accepting of me and expectations/cleanliness than OSD).  I have paid her at various times to do little things here and there.  There's only been once she completely ignored the task - the latest one - so I'm going to come up with something again to see if she'll continue to do this.  BUT - not even $ is a motivator, why would it be if mommy/daddy provide for all wants 100% of the time?

2. What Personal responsibilities are reasonable for children around 12 years old? Do they set an alarm to get up for school or do you still wake them up? Are they Independent doing homework unless they have a question or does an Parent have to remind them daily to do homework and sit with them Through the whole process? Do they shower/brush teeth Willingly or is it a fight to get them to do these things? Do they change their clothes during the weekend on their own or would they stay/sleep in the same clothes all weekend unless forced to change?

OSD:  She did set her alarm.  Although DH had to sometimes make sure she'd get up.  There were times she'd forget.  THen run out of the house like it was a race w/out locking the door. She'd be on her phone until well after midnight sometimes, but that was ignored by both DH/BM.  She grew into showering around age 13-14, but before that she'd get into huge fights with DH about it. She did not brush her teeth unless forced to.  She did not wash her face.  She didn't do laundry or bedding or change clothing enough. She did not clean her room or help clean her shared bathroom (with her sister) but for one time when DH made her help. She would sleep in her clothes OR wear her one pair of PJs all weekend (from Friday night to Monday morning) - and never wash them.  She stank a lot of the time.

YSD:  She gets herself up and out on time.  She bathes, washes, does her own laundry weekly (including PJs), keeps her room clean with a few exceptions here and there, cleans her bedding, brushes her teeth (she doesn't do it in the mornings but not my issue) in the evenings.  She's even cleaned the entire kitchen a couple times on her own. 

Luckily homework has never been an issue with either.

My SSs are twins, recently turned 13. 

At our house, they have no chores. They also wear the same clothes all weekend, unless they have a sporting event, although sometimes they will put on pajama pants because they like the ones we bought for them. I don't argue with them about changing clothes because they are only with us for the weekend and I really don't care that much. Their bathroom is stocked with toothbrushes and toothpaste, but I don't think they use it and I also don't care. 

One SS likes to take baths, so he will take a bath when at our house. The other one doesn't wash himself unless DH tells him he stinks and he has to take a shower. 

I used to think I had to take a mothering role to them, but then I decided it was not worth my time to nag kids who are not mine and therefore, don't think they need to listen. 

I'm not sure what goes on at BM's house, but know that neither kid does homework with any regularity. Their current term ends this week and one has 12 missing assignments and the other has 7. DH used to call them daily to work on homework, but it became a drama fest with BM and also the kids would regularly tell him, "I don't have any homework", so he stopped doing so. 

My SSs do not behave in a developmentally appropriate manner for their age, however. One regularly wets the bed (he told DH that he wets the bed a lot at BM's house). The other one regularly has crying, screaming tantrums over being told when to go to bed or when to not use his phone, etc. 

My son is almost 12 and he gets himself up dressed and to school on his own every day. Most days he gets his own breakfast and sometimes remembers to put the milk away. I still remind about teeth brushing as matter of my night time routine so I don't know if he'd do it on his own or not. My guess is not 100%. But it's not a struggle. He must be told to bathe. He will definitely wear the same clothes for a whole weekend - but I will, too! If his fave shirt is dirty he will protest changing. I still have to ask if he has homework and prompt starting. It depends on the subject how much I have to sit with him. My SS is almost 13 and he will remember his homework a bit better. He needs help in different subjects than my son does, but no one has to sit with him (but we did last year) unless it's a topic where he has lots of questions. He's not as good at getting fully dressed for school. He's much better about changing clothes at weekend. He's a more forgetful person in general, but he's naturally more absent minded. We do 100% of sports kit preparation for all 3 boys. SS 10 is better than both of them about bathing, but he still needs to be told. However, he cannot wash his hair on his own yet.

They have some chores and they just automatically do them, but they don't have enough chores. That is our fault, not theirs. We need some new ones. 

ETA: BM is an over-involved tiger mom so we don't worry about kid's homework when they aren't here and they have more chores at hers than they do at ours. My son once complained that when he is on his own here he has to do the whole of the after dinner chore whereas when SSs are here it's split. I told him I would be more than happy to give him the same amount of chores that they were doing at BM's if he would prefer. He shut up about it. My ex on the other hand runs a slackerville and usually no homework is done on his 3 days a week. 

Who had married a GUBM, no children of his own of course, that on visitation neither the non-custodial parent nor SM should not make any rules or chores for the children because after all it is just visitation.  He actually said that to me!!!!!

I have two boys in the house and my BS is closest in age - my son is 13. It probably helps that he only lives with me so expectations are consistent,  because so many of the habits of these kids mentioned above would drive me bonkers.

1. So... BS does have regular chores around the house and no, he isn't paid for them. He does have an allowance but it is not connected to what I expect him to do around the house. Normally, he has to thoroughly clean his bedroom once a week - from vaccuuming to linen changes. He also has to clean a bathroom once a week he shares with SS. There is no problems with his chores. Both SS18 and BS cook togeher twice a week and have kitchen clean up twice a week - when I say cook I mean cook: I don't eat rubbish, microwave dinners or things out of boxes or packets.

2. BS gets himself up with an alarm clock and is washed and dressed before breakfast which I make every morning. I have no problem with any of his personal hygiene - he brushes his teeth twice a day as a matter of habit since he was 6  and takes a shower at least once a day. In the summer if he has been swimming, I may need to remind him to wash his hair again even if he washed it in the morning, but that is the sum total of getting him clean... He never baths, always, showers and it is usually shortly after dinner. He does his homework on his own, if he does have a problem he will ask me to help him but it is the odd occassion. He is quite an independent child who requires very little checking up on.

The one thing that he does do, which is understandable is that he generates mountains of washing or laundry... So there is no problem with him wearing the same clothes. He can go through 3 sets of clothes on one day: school uniform, sport clothes, casual clothes (civvies) for when back from school.   Normally it is 3 or 4 sets of PJs a week, 5 sets of school uniforms (shirts and trousers), the odd jersey (blazers go for dry cleaning once a month), 5 sets of clothes he has changed into after school... and if the weather is variable as it can be at the coast, there could be two layers of clothes on one day... So people whose kids wear the same thing are lucky to me. My son goes through heaps of clothing in a week.

My 11 year old bio DD sets her phone alarm and wakes herself in the mornings. She gets herself ready and is on time for us to leave. I still do have to force the showering and general cleanliness she has a 14 and 16 year old sister....they were the same way until about the age of 12. Then it all changed...daily showers without me saying a word...routine tooth brushing and just an overall caring for appearance. Chores......she helps when asked but no set chores.