Step son
Well this seems to be the right place. I have a young adult stepson who after graduating from college has naturally moved back home to live with his mom and me. He is working and is responsible. As a young adult he stays up late past midnight being on his computer. Since I am a light sleeper there have been many times I had to reprimand him for waking me up. Most of the time I am unable to get back to sleep, going to work in such a miserable state.Because of this I have to sleep in another room with a fan on while wearing ear plugs. Even this is not a 100% guarantee. AS of August of last year I have developed insomnia due to the stress of this situation. One evening I had enough of my sleep being disturbed and I lost control by going into his room and telling him to move out almost knocking over his computer. The following evening he wanted to have a meeting with me and his mother. He acknowledged that it is almost impossible for he and I to live in the same house so he decided to get a room to rent 30 miles south from where we live with roommates. He requested to stay with us during the weekdays because of the long commute from his new residents to work which is also 30 miles north from us. He would stay at his new residence on the weekends so that he stay up as late as he wants and make as much racket with his friends. I agreed, but now I am regretting it. His mother my wife was extremely upset for practically throwing him out and would not speak to me for two days. This all happened last January. Since then for the most part he has cooperated and is being quiet. My wife and I are good, but I still can't sleep with her on the weekdays since her son is still sleeping here and I don't want to run the risk of being woken up again. The bedrooms are side by side. I want to get my wife on my side to convince my stepson that it is best for him to move out completely so that I can sleep normally again with her without having to use a fan and ear plugs. I know I won't get her support when she brings up things such as" The commute will be too far for him and he is driving my old car. Let him stay here to save up for a new one, let him save to buy property...etc..I don't know how to counter these. Any thoughts, advice will be appreciate. Thanks for listening.
Tell his mother and him sorry
Tell his mother and him sorry it isn't working, and he needs to go. The way to counter them is he needs to figure it out himself. He's a big boy and his brain works just as well as yours. But it's up to HIM to figure out. If wife gets upset too bad so sad.
Tell him to find a place
Tell him to find a place closer to his work. Or a job closer to his appartment. This is his problem to solve, not yours.
Continuing to stay with you
Continuing to stay with you on weekdays in no way solves this. Just means you go to work tired.
Why haven't you set down a
Why haven't you set down a hard rule? No noise after 10pm (or whatever time you choose).
And if this rule is broken the consequence is your door to the free ride closes.
He requested to stay with us
He requested to stay with us during the weekdays
Yeah, that is not moving out. Why did he rent a room so far from his workplace? If he stays during the week, he needs to abide by your rules. Period.
young adult stepson who after
young adult stepson who after graduating from college has naturally moved back home
Nope. NOT natural. Natural is him LAUNCHING and having his own place. As an adult, he should have respect for you and your needs. He does NOT. And since he is an adult who has no respect for your household, he needs to find his own place. Since the "room to rent" is inconvenient to his work, he needs to find another place. He's a big boy.
As for you wife not speaking to you, that is an immature ploy to try to get you to do what SHE wants, which is let her precious little boy at home.
I think OP reacted out of
I think OP reacted out of fustration and lack of sleep. Although SS was addressed about the noise, the same bullsh!t continued and OP lost his temper. I'm not condoning this as he could have went about it in a better way however, his wife is dismissing his wants & needs. This grown @ss man-child needs to get his own place. Makes no sense why he got a room for the weekend but yet he's allowed to say during the week day? The point is for him to be GONE! He needs to find a place closer to work, its not rocket science.
The wife is not making this easy which is leaving OP with no options but to explode.....something has to give and it shouldn't be OP.
Lost opportunity
Oh my friend, you lost the perfect opportuninty to get his butt out of there for good. You need to set a date and be firm about his exit. A 30 mile commute is not that bad. I have an adult SS and it is almost driving me to leave home but I told DW that he needs to find a place as of July 1. If you don't get him out it will end badly. After a year with skids, one living with us and the other mooching, I am on blood pressure meds. DW and skids have a deadline. After July 1 it ends with skids or I put the house up for sale and do the MGTOW thing.
step son
Finally I can get back to this. You guys are awesome. Thanks for all the replies with great insights. Being a parent for the first time is really challenging. I do plan to speak to my wife about her adult son on his complete departure on our next day off. Since then he has been very cooperative in being very quiet at night and I have been sleeping well. Wish me luck.
step son
Had the talk with my wife and before I finished she told me her son just told her that he will be starting his new job close to his residence and will be moving out. Everything worked out. Thanks Steptalk for being there.
He has a job and a degree
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