Sharing a happy blended family story
In general people on this site are a self selected group where there are, let's call it, imperfections in the blending of families. I want to share a great story of someone I know - to me it's always nice to hear good things and of somebody's success. My friend was a single mom with 2 teenagers. Her son plays hockey, and in due course it turned out one of his teammates had a single dad. Eventually my friend crossed paths with this single dad as we sports parents tend to do, and turns out he was a wonderful man, also with 2 teenagers. Fast forward years later...they are happily married and all 4 kids are very close, brothers and a sister. I don't think this happened overnight, but it's great to know there are happy and successful blended families out there!
There are tons of happy
There are tons of happy stepfamilies. We are not the norm on here.
I think that's a stretch. I
I think that's a stretch. I think we are the norm...most people just don't talk about it.
One on one...with every stepmom I've met...they will open up once they realize I'm a SM too. There have been women I knew as acquaintances who seemed so close to their skids I didn't realize they weren't the mom...and when I found out and we were behind closed doors and I said something like...Wow. You seem really close?
The floodgates opened with alomst no probing and pressure and we ended up talking for 2+ hours about how hard it is and how she feels like the outsider so much of the time and feels like she can't discipline and is working her tail off to try to make it work...while the dad is just blissful and mostly oblivious to his wife's struggle.
I'm not saying that there aren't happy stepmoms. I'm 85-90% happy. But I don't love being a stepmom and I haven't really met anyone who does. (Maybe my Aunt...but she's filthy rich and has been married 3 times and her DH has been married 5 times and she has an incredibly forceful, fun personality. I think she loves being a stepmom because all her now adult skids and biokids have babies and it just gives her more people to fuss over and etc. She's never had the stress of finances, though, and she never had to have the skids in her house as kids. They were all older teens when they married.)
Just saying...it's like being in a secret club. There are happy stepmoms, and happy blended families who have figured out how to make it work, but it's rare to find someone who is happy about being a stepmom.
Yes, there are many
Yes, there are many successful blended families. This is a venting site, so you read some of the worst case scenerios, here.
I've always said single
I've always said single/divorced parents should be with other single/divorced parents. It's a more fair and reasonable scenario. If you have kids from your previous relationship you're bringing into the picture you should be with someone who is also bringing kids into the picture. That being said I've always heard happy blended family stories are extremely rare.
I actually think it would
I actually think it would have been harder, had DH and I both brought kids into the mix.
Yep! That way they are
Yep! That way they are either both getting the benefit or both getting screwed.
When it is a childless man or woman marrying a man or woman w/kids, it is majoritively going to be the childless step-parent sucking it up and taking it day-by-day. DH will have the expectation that SM is supposed to step-in and be the mom, bio-mom will have the expectation that step-mom is supposed to bang her ex- and say or do nothing else in the household, kids will have the expectation that SM is in the way/ invisible, and society in general will have the expectation of a combination of these three, including that SM is supposed to toss any of her desires or needs aside for the sake of someone else's children and kowtow.
SM, meanwhile, will have the expectation that she is marrying the man of her dreams and getting bonus children.
P.S. And, yes, it is great
P.S. And, yes, it is great to know that there are happily blended families out there, because there are. But, if you go by statistics, this is the exception and not the norm. Most going into a blended family, whether with or without children, buy into, "Just be nice and it'll all work out." Blending families is far, far more challenging than that. In some ways, when you look at the reality and think of all of the varying expectations, personalities and dynamics that exist in blended families, it is amazing that it works as often as it does.
We both brought kids into the
We both brought kids into the mix, I have 2, my husband has 3. In a lot of ways, I understand how he feels, etc. But every and I mean every kid weekend we wind up fighting about at least one kid situation and we usually wind up defending our own kids. It always turns into a me and mine vs. you and yours. From the outside we look like a very happy family, we even all look related. Five girls ages 11-17!
When all the adults are sane
When all the adults are sane and willing to act like adults it definitley helps.
I know there are happy situations.
Plenty of them! They just aren't all that way, and that's where this site comes in 
Our situation is proably as
Our situation is probably as simple as the blended family world gets. I have no BKs. DW brought SS-26 to the relationship. We met when SS was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo.
From very early DW and I landed on the model that we are equity life partners and that makes us equity parents to any children in our marriage regardless of spawn biology. As it turned out, SS is an only child in our marriage. I raised him as my own.
Our CO also established a long distance visitation schedule where SS visited his BioDad and the SpermClan for 7wks per year. 5wks summer, 1wk winter and 1wk spring. We did not have the drama and tensions of an EOW, EOWE or some other high frequency interface schedule.
Adding to the simplicity, we began our relationship with a CO that had already named DW as the CP with sole physical and legal custody. A week after we married we were in court in response to the SpermClan's attempt to gain custody. That hearing upheld my wife's CP status and sole physical and legal custody. It did raise CS from $110/mo to $133/mo and establish BioDad's visitation schedule with SS.
Over the years there were several periods of a year or more where the SpermClan declined their COd visitation. We did have a level of ongoing conflict with the SpermClan but nothing that interfered overtly in our lives or that had significant negative impact on my SS.
He is a good man. His mom and I are proud of him. The SpermClan has almost no contact with SS-26 other than to periodically attempt to guilt money out of him to help support his three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas. He does stay in regular touch with his younger sister. The SpermIdiot's second eldest child.
SS-26 asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen.