Why do you feel guilt? I'm sure you have your reasons. Guilt is a wasted emotion UNLESS you actively harm someone. Otherwise just forgive yourself and take care of you!
I love this. I had a similar realization about 5 years ago and let myself off the hook regarding skids.
I was wracked with guilt because I didn't "love" them and sometimes could barely stand to be around them. Then I realized...pastors, counselors, etc. say all the time that "love" is an action, not a feeling. I looked through my behavior toward my skids. In terms of actions, I was "loving" toward them. I never did them any harm, and I was kind and upbeat in their presence. I provided for them. Drove them places. Made their home a warm, loving place. Loved and took care of their dad.
I realized that my feelings were fine. I didn't have to love them or love every minute with them. Now that they are all completely grown and out of the house, I have very, very little interaction with them and I feel no guilt about that.
I do not even waste the energy to hate my adult SS. He just doesn't exist in my life. He's not a minor child that has to be around for visitation. My DH can see him, talk to him, etc. whenever he wants to. But I do not participate. Not one ounce of guilt.
I am not caring enough to hate or feel guilty at this stage. Since there was never any mutual respect, I believe it much wiser to spend my emotions on people who actually care about me. As far as feeling guilty, not a chance. I tried more than I should have to make it work and wasted a lot of resources and time in the process.
You didn't say why you feel guilty you despise them. Is it because they are so wonderfully accepting of you, helpful, so glad you married their father, happy to share their perceived inheritance with you?
Hahahahahaha I am cracking myself up.
You also didn't say why you despised them.
It's already been mentioned that you didn't give birth to them, so you are not going to love them as your own.
If your adult skids have not been accepting of you, or have been unkind to you, ask yourself this - would you like ANYONE who treated you like that? You shouldn't accept poor treatment from anyone, shared DNA with your DH or not.
But if by chance they have been lovely and you hate them, then you might have a reason to speak to a counselor to figure out why.
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Why do you feel guilt? I'm
Why do you feel guilt? I'm sure you have your reasons. Guilt is a wasted emotion UNLESS you actively harm someone. Otherwise just forgive yourself and take care of you!
I love this. I had a similar
I love this. I had a similar realization about 5 years ago and let myself off the hook regarding skids.
I was wracked with guilt because I didn't "love" them and sometimes could barely stand to be around them. Then I realized...pastors, counselors, etc. say all the time that "love" is an action, not a feeling. I looked through my behavior toward my skids. In terms of actions, I was "loving" toward them. I never did them any harm, and I was kind and upbeat in their presence. I provided for them. Drove them places. Made their home a warm, loving place. Loved and took care of their dad.
I realized that my feelings were fine. I didn't have to love them or love every minute with them. Now that they are all completely grown and out of the house, I have very, very little interaction with them and I feel no guilt about that.
Welcome to ST
I no longer feel guilty.
I do not even waste the
I do not even waste the energy to hate my adult SS. He just doesn't exist in my life. He's not a minor child that has to be around for visitation. My DH can see him, talk to him, etc. whenever he wants to. But I do not participate. Not one ounce of guilt.
No need to feel guilty. Read
No need to feel guilty. Read up on disengagement so that they don’t take up space in your head.
I am not caring enough to
I am not caring enough to hate or feel guilty at this stage. Since there was never any mutual respect, I believe it much wiser to spend my emotions on people who actually care about me. As far as feeling guilty, not a chance. I tried more than I should have to make it work and wasted a lot of resources and time in the process.
You didn't say why you feel
You didn't say why you feel guilty you despise them. Is it because they are so wonderfully accepting of you, helpful, so glad you married their father, happy to share their perceived inheritance with you?
Hahahahahaha I am cracking myself up.
You also didn't say why you despised them.
It's already been mentioned that you didn't give birth to them, so you are not going to love them as your own.
If your adult skids have not been accepting of you, or have been unkind to you, ask yourself this - would you like ANYONE who treated you like that? You shouldn't accept poor treatment from anyone, shared DNA with your DH or not.
But if by chance they have been lovely and you hate them, then you might have a reason to speak to a counselor to figure out why.