Does he respond/participate in these group texts?

But good news is she moved out of state.  Did she leave kids with him?  Financially enmeshed?  Is he poring maritial funds into the house that will go to his kids?  You might want to seperate financials. 

I think it's weird. And if they keep adding him, he can simply turn off notifications for the group text and ignore it. If they are all talking everyday about life and what's up, then that's a little too comfy for my taste. But then again, I also am with someone who has had a really hard time with boundaries with his 'family' for many of the same reasons I suspect yours does too. I long for the day when they can figure out that divorce means that family ends. 

Wow this guy has marriages and kids all over the place.  

I assume x1 - no kids?

Then ex2 - his main family.

Ex3 - 2 kids but hates ex wife.

Now you?

My guess is that Ex3 had the same issues. She 'fixed' it by creating a new family only that didn't work - obviously. So she bailed and then along came you.

This time it's different though right? He is a great guy. All the other wives were at fault. He shows you this dog and pony show, got you hooked now he is back to the same old bullshit. 

I have no idea where you go from here. But thought it may be helpful to see the picture on the wall. I could be wrong and hope I am. But he doesn't seem to be all in when it comes to your relationship.

Kinda want to hug you right now. So sorry you're feeling all this. 

Some people are "collectors".  Once they have collected someone, even a former spouse, they hang on to them like a piece of their collection.

You may be dealing with a collector as far as your SO is concered.  None of his aging collection should interfere with you and your marriage being his priority.  If his collection is interfereing... it is time to give him clarity that this is no longer acceptable and it needs to stop NOW.

Good luck.

In a marraige,  if you are not first to your partner, you are last.  Minor kids are the top relationship responsibility but never take priority over the partner or marriage.  Adult kids don't rate and for damned sure X's are not even on the map as far a priority.

Well, just hold up a minute here. He offered to contribute $1300, but you turned it down. Why? I know no one likes to talk about money and it seems vulgar, but at the same time, you aren't being "taken for a ride" if he offered to contribute, right? If you didn't think it was enough money, that's another discussion.

On this ex thing...he says he doesn't want to be part of it and you don't want him to be part of it. That's the point you start from. So after you negotiate his contribution to the household, why not negotiate this too? Ask him if he could just communicate with his kids. Remind him that he said he doesn't want to do the group chat so he's only losing something that doesn't matter to him anyway, but it does make you feel awkward that he still talks regularly to his ex.

If he's not telling you the truth (that group chats don't matter to him), this is where it will show.

When you have this chat, make sure YOU don't ramp it up into a fight at all -- stay very calm while you talk about it. If he turns into a fight, then you know he's probably not being honest about why he's participating in group chats he says he doesn't want. That's the time to say, "You're fighting with me about something you said you don't even want. What's the truth? Why do these group chats matter to you?" Then it becomes another discussion.

I know you feel like a chump. I don't blame you. I often feel that way in my marriage when my difficult SD comes into play. But before you blow this up into him taking you for a financial ride and still carrying a flame for an ex, slow down and see if you can get to the bottom of it. It might not be as bad as that. Remember how nuanced human emotions are. Remember how bad men are at getting in touch with their real feelings and expressing them. And on top of that there are your feelings coloring how you view this.

I would be interested in you exploring (gently, casually) with him how his 3rd marriage went wrong and if any of this was part of what ended it. That would probably be telling.

when he was married to exwife and just a manager/vp after they married as worked at same place and she was such a crap staff member with poor work ethic and many mistakes and it was a bad image on him so he asked if she wanted to be a stay at home wife and gave her $2000 spending money per month which was more than what she was earning

hubby paid all bills in the house and trips etc, she regularly maxed their joint credit card (in his mind they’re a married couple so joint credit card was a given).

when we got married it was a bit difficult opening a bank acct as i’m a foreigner and there are strict rules and you need to be vetted or recommended by a premium client (which my hubby was thanks to his masisve salary)

early last yr i finally opened a bank account in my name hubby initiated transferred 3500 per month (savings for when i move back to my country as we intend to have our kids school there) but his 2 adult kids were getting $1000 each allowance and sd14 got child support sent to her mum (500 per month) and so i asked hubby that he intends to retire early but no savings was set up for our kids so he agreed to send more money to me each month because whilst he has a good income, its smart to have money kept for our kids just incase since exwife is a greedy pig and using hey typical my 1 minor kid is the only kid hubby should care about and then has eldest sd guilt hubby that she supports sd14 too so hubby needs to continue with the allowance

despite all this hubby pays all bills even before i opened my bank account (3 yrs after marrying hubby and moving overseas) so if i needed to get anything expensive or say buy tickets for our yearly trip to my country i would always tell hubby and had his credit card details to do the purchase etc. 

In my case I suspect hubby is still traumatised by the crap exwife pulled on him and stealing money from his personal savings acct which in their country it was illegal for her to hack and steal everything so for now its separate. 

Once hubby has cut off the adult kids maybe thats something i will bring up.

in your case i do not agree that your husband lives in your home with 2skids but doesn’t contribute anything financially. I don’t know the specifics of what he earns monthly but in my case i get about 21% of his monthly salary, but hubby is buying diapers, formula, meat from the butcher (i normally do online ordering for our usual groceries), he’s paying all utilities, home loan and car loans too. 

Any spousal visa or long term visa costs he pays and any trips to visit home and see my dad with the kids every year and hubby comes on these trips, hubby also buys a ticket yearly for my dad to fly over which is about $3000 so it works out ok for me

i didn’t like initially getting only slightly more than what he paid exwife when they were married and she didn’t do any housework or nurturing of the kids. I do everything here and home cater his family gatherings and parties at our home or outside so yeah i told him it felt real unfair. After sulking for 2 days he reflected and said he agreed with what i said, he accused me of being greedy but yet adult sd22 guilting daddy and telling him he better not cut her off as she helps financially support her sister isn’t? Especially when hubby already pays mandated child support to cover basic necessities that court ordered (they don’t live a rich life, neither do we, we still savw money and spend wisely), but skids spend money on useless wants/crap and guilt daddy to fund it so why shouldn’t i do the same for basic things i feel me and our kids should get too. Its not our fault his kids with ex aren’t saving money but wasting it

You support him and he supports his EX and kids.  Looks a little one sided.  If he has money to support the EX he has money to support you.  If you don’t want support, then that money should go into a vacation fund for theTWO and only the TWO of you 

The group text I dont think is strange. But at dinner he should be muting the convo a minimum. 

The pouring money into a property in only her name is insane...doesnt matter if it's meant for the kids. I'd tell him to get his name on it as well or the money tree stops. That to me is insane.