Well I said it...
I told my significant other of 3 years that I'm happier when his son isn't around. There wasnt a nice way to put it so just said it. We have him week on, week off, 50/50 and he's 8....
I just don't know if I have 10 more years (and counting) in me. I do not like my SS. I love his dad... but is it enough?
SO's response was just sadness and told me I need to make a decision if this is the life for me cause if I stay unhappy in a situation it's just going to make things worse. And trust me when I say it cant get much worse between SO and SS due to BM's drama
I'm heartbroken and torn. Do I break up an otherwise happy relationship for the sake of my selfish desires of wanting to be unencumbered of this parenting chaos we are living?
Side note: this comment was in no way out of nowhere. We have been banging our heads aagainst walls with this difficult child for months upon months.
I don’t think it’s selfish to
I don’t think it’s selfish to not want to deal with a toxic situation you had no part in creating.
I’ve stayed because the good outweighs the bad, and I think that DH does what he can to address and limit issues. If he didn’t, I would be gone.
I think that there might be
I think that there might be reason to stay, if your partner accepts your feelings and sees there are reasons why you feel as you do. My DH was in no doubt that I did not care for his daughters - mind you - they were only with us EOW, and that finished 5 years ago, thank goddess. But only you can judge if you cannot live with SS coming every other week, for the whole week.
If you are unsure atm, I would give it a bit longer - and maybe also talk frankly to your partner as to how it might be more doable for you. (eg better boundaries for SS and BM).
I'd kill for EOW! But SO's
I'd kill for EOW! But SO's child support would be unmanageable and I'm not sure that's what he would want anyway. He is very aware that he is SS's unfortunate only hope since BM is trash. I do not feel we have exhausted all options yet. I have hinted at wanting to be much more hands off of the situation in general and he has given me space which is great. I feel guilty for asking for even more space, but I believe he would feel it's better than me walking out.
Seams like you made an effort to deal with his
DS. Now what did your DH do for you.?? Does he wine and dine you on weeks DS is with BM ? Does he take you away alone to nice places when DS is at BM ?? Is there weekend at the beach? Or is he not doing anything really nice for dealing with His DS?
i am sure your DH and BM did really nice things before DS was born. Are you treated the same ?
We are a paycheck to paycheck
We are a paycheck to paycheck kind of household so the fancy nights and weekends out have definitely slowed since moving in together but overall, I'd say yes he definitely goes above and beyond to show his appreciation. He is very helpful around the house and financially. Sweet and attentive..etc. Our weeks off are a totally different vibe but theres the looming inevitable conversation of "how to be a better parent" at the end of each week.
How is it selfish? If you
How is it selfish? If you have the ability, get out now! The are no kids between the two of you. Nobody is going to be effected, ss probably won't even realize you're not there.
Quit banging your heads with
Quit banging your heads with the difficult child. You and SO set the standards and rules of behavior in your home. Enforce the rules. Apply an age appropriate escalating misery inducing level of consequence on the child when he violates the standards until you land on the right mix of abject misery that changes his behavior.
Quit being frustrated. Just apply the consequences.
And... DH needs to go ape shit on the BM with every legal, financial and social pressure tool that he has to force her into line. Her drama should be confronted with an adult version of the escalating misery inducing consequences that are applied for the Skid.
It has worked well for us over the years.
Good luck.