BM is such a mom of the year ....NOT
Just got back from the airport picking up SS11. (DH is on biz trip so he couldn't do it.) It is almost midnight now.
Flight was delayed for a bit over an hour. Didn't land until almost 11pm.
Even knowing this (because she had to wait at the airport when dropping the boy off), the great mom of BM still decided not to feed the boy (HER SON), what the actual F.
Granted SS was the one who said he wasn't hungry, like he always does (most likely he was playing video game or reading at the time---of course he wouldn't want to eat). What kind of parent would allow that?
I got the boy and the first thing the flight attendant told me was that he was so super hungry (although to be honest he himself is the one to blame -_-), I ended up being like a villian again when I told him he had to go to bed when he gets home.
On top of this, BM had the balls to complain we sent a sick boy to her (like she ever takes care of him when he's sick). The boy gets sick only like twice a year at most.
And we got an early day tomorrow....for almost a week when my DH is away.
I am so not looking foward to this.
Edit:
I want to add a bit details here.
1) I agree that what I said at the airport was horrible and unacceptable (I wasn't making it very clear in my post. when I said he had to go to bed it was right at the moment I got him, at the airport). My only reason to said that is because I was trying to get my SS11 back to schedule (it used to take him 2 weeks to get back to schedule every time he is back from his mom. He is getting better now, but still). He not having supper was kind of a surprise to me but I could have dealt with it better. This is the reason why I felt bad instantly after the words slipped through my mouth. I will own that.
2) The flight - it was a short direct flight. 1.5 hr trip. delayed for a bit over an hour, didn't leave until 9:30. There is no time difference between BM's place and ours. To me there is no reason not feed your kid. I packed him lunch if we know he won't have a chance to eat.
2) I did offer food after we get home, he was too tired to eat and said he only want to go to bed. I have thought about getting some fast food on the way but that could easily add another 20 minutes to the trip back home. SS was already saying he was feeling very tired.
- catmiao's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Why couldn’t he eat when he
Why couldn’t he eat when he got home? Confused.
Mom didn't do anything wrong.
Mom didn't do anything wrong. Since the boy said he wasn't hungry, that mean mom offered him food.
She tried to feed him, he refused. As a result, he had to deal with the natural consequences of his actions. In this case not being able to eat until after his flight.
I'm assuming he was allowed to fix a sandwich or bowl of cereal before he went to bed. If not, you have no room to talk about mom (on this subject) She tried to feed the kid but he refused. You knew the kid was hungry, but didn't allow him to eat.
I agree that choosing not to
I agree that choosing not to eat is on the kid not the mom. But I don’t think OP needed to let him have something when he got in. Different rules for different households but if we let skids or any child pick and choose when and what to eat, the kids in my life at least would live on bread ha.
He was hungry when ge got off
He was hungry when ge got off the plane. The OP knew he was hungry. I don't think she should have prepared him a 4 course meal, but sure as heck should have be allowed to fix himself something quick and simple.
I don't believe in withholding FOOD (not snacks or treats)or using it as a punishment.
Lol I didn’t think you were
Lol I didn’t think you were suggesting a four course meal, you said a sandwich or bowl of cereal. As I said, everyone operates their households differently but I know if we allowed that here those two food options would be only ones ever eaten.
Kids learn pretty quickly - my three year old understands this. We struggled with him eating until we implemented those rules.
And really, considering the late flight, the fact he didn’t eat dinner, BM should have sent him with a sandwich for the plane. Or at least suggested he make one for the plane.
Lots of kids say they’re not
Lots of kids say they’re not hungry, allowing an 11yo to decide if/when he eats is ridiculous. Why didn’t BM decide to, at minimum, send him with a sandwich to eat on the plane? I don’t get it.
Did he eat on the plane though? If not, I hope you let him have something to eat when he got in. If not, that’s equally wrong.
I wouldn't feed a kid who
I wouldn't feed a kid who said he wasn't hungry either. I'd remind him of how long the flight was and when he'd next eat, and probably get him some kind of snack to eat on the plane later. But SS being hungry is on him. I assume the flight attendant gave him extra peanuts/pretzels and that you fed him before sending him to bed, so he's unlikely to starve.
I'm guessing BM is far, far down the MOTY list, but I don't think this particular incident affects her standing too much.
SO’s kids are younger than
SO’s kids are younger than this one and we don’t force them to eat when they aren’t hungry. If they refuse to eat a meal then they wait till the next one or if it’s dinner they sit at the table with us till we are done and if they complain they are hungry later they get the dinner they didn’t eat. If they can't have dinner for whatever reason I always have something small that will atleast get them through till morning like applesause.
There’s no way I would pick one up then refuse to feed them. I don’t care if they told BM no I’d still allow them something before bed. Yeah I’m not cooking a meal but they can have some fruit or something like that.
Also consider the fact that the boy was flying and dealing with an exchange. This may be hard to believe but that can be stressful even for the most flight experienced of people. I know when I’m stressed and I don’t like to eat.
Finally sitting here criticizing BM but not feeding the boy yourself makes you no better. You’re blaming BOTH him and his mom. Either it’s his fault that he didn’t eat and BM did nothing wrong or BM is in the wrong and you’re punishing him for her failures as a parent.
I guess it really may depend
I guess it really may depend on the total length of everything.. was there a connection etc..
I don't think it's entirely unusual for someone to not be hungry at let's say.. 7 pm.. but be hungry 5 hours later after a delayed flight.. (or even 3 hours later)..
Could/Should mom have sent a sandwich with him? she could have... but maybe she wasn't thinking the flight would be as delayed?
100% the person picking up the kid should have figured out how to get him a burger from a late night fast food.. or make him a PBJ before he went to bed (or let him make it himself)...
Exactly. The adults pick the
Exactly. The adults pick the flight, and then it's delayed, and he's flying alone until almost midnight, but god forbid he be given any food because he said he wasn't hungry 7 hours ago (when he might not have been hungry). Is BM supposed to shove food down his throat?
I would have packed a meal
I would have packed a meal for my autistic kid to eat on the flight....
Exactly. This is what I don’t
Exactly. This is what I don’t understand... you know your kid is flying at night & hasnt eaten, yet don’t send him with something to eat when he gets hungry? Ok...
I don’t agree with not feeding a hungry kid in a situation like this. But I think foresight on the BM’s part was completely lacking. My mum STILL sends us off with sandwiches and snacks, and I do the same for my SS’s on long trips. I don’t understand giving your 11 year old child nothing to eat for a plane journey. I’m sorry, I just don’t. He’s 11, not 16.
so my SS11 constantly said he
so my SS11 constantly said he is not hungry when he actually is. :/ I am not trying to find excuse for this situation.
When he is fixiated on something he would eat only half a meal or want to rush through because he just wants to get back to that. We don't sholve food down to his throat, we only ask him to ask him to eat/finish his food.
So I just want to clarify
So I just want to clarify something.
I never believe in punishing SS for his mom's fault.
SS11 is autistic and therefore adhering to a schedule is seriously important to him. I can't tell you how much trouble we have run into if one thing breaks in the chain. The "you are going to bed" was not meant to be a punishment...it was my first reaction. I just felt really bad when I said it. I understand how is sounds. I did offer food when we got home. He was too tired to want to eat at that point though. (his regular bed time is 9, and last night was almost 3 hours past that.)
Perhaps I am overreatcting on criticizing his mom. I am one for that kids should eat on schedule. Or at least, close to a schedule. And knowing there will be such a long wait at the airport I would not allow him just said "I am not hungry" and okay that. The flight was only an hour and half and there is no time difference. It didn't leave until 9:30pm. This is NOT the first time BM didn't feed him before a flight. It's just other times he came back around breakfast or lunch time so it wasn't really an issue.
And like I said...schedules is seriously important to SS..because we are fighting again this morning to get him back to school -_- (understandably, he wasn't able to go to bed until like midnight...I'm not going to bitch SS about it but I do hope there is not going to be problems at school).
so bio mum is pissed off her son was returned sick to her??
Right like stepmum and bio dad intentionally got him sick and she has to deal with caring for his illness?? Boohoo!!
people can get sick anytime and its just something we deal with, granted i get shitty when family members who are sick and contagious and know this rudely and choose to come to our home sick and contagious with a newborn or toddler pisses me off more than anything because they were dumb shits....
with regards to food, op i always have some leftovers in fridge i can reheat or chicken nuggets/spring rolls that take under 10 mins to cook up to fill a stepkid up, i wouldn’t not feed a stepkid out of spite or tiredness.
Its a different story if my husband is away on business and i have 2 toddlers to deal with ss is expected to sort out his own food eating bread or whatever leftovers or he can wait till next day but my ss is 20 and perfectly capable of going out and buying his food for brekkie and lunch. Its so beneath him to make a bowl of cereal or a sandwich because he’d actually have to get off his arse, he’d rather drive to subway and waste money buying a sandwich someone made
The more I thought about the
The more I thought about the situation last night, the more I felt I could have done better. I agree with your suggestions. My SS is somewhat a picky eater partly due to his autism. We had leftovers but he wouldn't want them. I offered bread when we got home but he only wanted to go to bed at that point. I guess I could have forced him to eat something too, but to me sleep was more important than food given the time being so late already. (He can't get more hours of sleep since the next day is a school day, he can, however, have a bigger breakfast in the morning)
Again I do think I could have done better than what I did, perhpas from now on I'll just always bring some snacks with me if I need to pick him up.
And that sickness thing.. haha. SS actually rarely gets sick (which is good). This is like first time in two years he went to his mom sick. She almost never paid/buy anything for her own son (anytime SS came back from his mom, if he gets anything, it's almost always from BM's relatives but not her). Although she never really take cares of her son or pay for anything, she did at one point ask DH to pay for her and her family's vacation trip (and SS NOT invited in that trip. Of course DH refused). I simply can't understand this woman.
Mom didnt feed the boy
Mom didnt feed the boy because she wanted YOU to pay for it.