Would therapy help?
Hi all-
Things have been quiet for a week or so now. Its been nice, but occasionally I get that huge knot in my stomach and panic/aniexty comes over me like somethings going to happen again. It feels like a PTSD episode. And I get myself all worked up and I bring up all the things I worry about to my SO and I get an eye roll.
Last night I had a bit of a moment and I said " I didn't sign up for this situation" I am here for you and your daughter not the other bullshit. Its a package deal I realize that... his reponse is something similar to "what you see is what you get,you know what its about now you just have to decide if you can manage it"....something along those lines. I think it f*cking stunned me. I was hoping for and have been hoping for "Sweetheart I will take care of it, I want you to feel important and my top priority and of course included with my family." I've been praying actually to hear that come out of his mouth. Nope. I guess he thinks BM and his mother are going to do whatever they want anyway why bother? (See previous posts)
So the point of my rambles- would therapy be helpful for me? Help my anxiety? Help me be able to deal with this situation like a rational person?
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Comments
Therapy might help, but
Therapy might help, but really . . . do you want to be in a relationship where you have to get therapy to deal with it? You're not married, you can walk away. Your boyfriend is not providing the level of understanding and support you need. Sometimes love isn't enough. If you're feeling anxious and panicky already, you might want to think about walking away. This does not sound like a good situation for you.
I was looking at therapy as
I was looking at therapy as way to sort all of this out in my head. Someone else to talk to besides my SO. I think plain and simple hes tired of hearing about it. And he mentally shuts down. I get that. But im frustrated because this whole situation is bullshit. His ex wife has so much control, and his mother...they are just not the best combo. This could be the case of okay I need to accept that it will never change, stay and deal or move on. I'm not at a decision making point yet.
The anxiety is your brain's
The anxiety is your brain's way of warning you that you're in an unhealthy situation. You know this to be true, yet you don't want to acknowledge it. This inner conflict is causing you physical and emotional distress, causing a fight or flight response.
Your guy is right in a way. He's part of a dysfunctional dynamic that was established long before he ever met you. It's his norm, and he sees nothing wrong with it. To him, you have a problem with it, therefore you are the problem.
You're not wrong, you're just in the wrong relationship and no amount of therapy can change that. Relationships are not supposed to be this hard, and this is simply not a good fit for you. Seeing a therapist for help with esteem building, validation, and support moving forward would be a positive thing to do for yourself, but it can't make a square peg fit a round hole.
Thank you- my level of
Thank you- my level of worrying is over the top. I don't feel like I have anxiety all of the time. Its just when the weird shit happens. Like BM moving directly behind my SO's parents. That blows my f*cking mind that everyone thinks its normal.
You know, don't feel bad. I
You know, don't feel bad. I thought the same thing...maybe I could go to therapy to learn ways to deal with all the piss poor behavior I was encountering.
And then it dawned on me. Why should *I* be the one to put a bunch of work in? To deal with crap behavior?! Why should I WANT to deal with it?!
And my formerSO? He thought it was all my fault. Before him, I was in a severely abusive 10 year marriage, had I not been maybe I could deal with his horrific son and his crappy behavior better.
I am so, so glad I left all that nonsense behind me. I am SO much happier not trying to force myself into "dealing with" crap behavior. You will be too, trust me.
But when do you know enough
But when do you know enough is enough?
If DH had ever ONCE said this
If DH had ever ONCE said this to me:
""what you see is what you get,you know what its about now you just have to decide if you can manage it"...
I'd be gone.
What does he say to me? "I can't believe you have put up with this for so long, thank you so much, I love you, and I'm sorry I've dragged you into this mess".
Do get therapy, but to figure out why you are willing to try to manage this crap.
You have a good hubby, sounds
You have a good hubby, sounds like hes been dealing with his shit for awhile and has his head on straight. All of this is fresh for my SO thats why I am still here. He is still figuring everything out.I dont think he ever expected his ex and his mother to pull the shit they are. Surprise!
Miss, how old are you? I ask
Miss, how old are you? I ask because are you able to support yourself in a small rental?
What do your parents say about your decision to stay in this relationship?
Tell us why you are in this relationship.
Hi there, I am 30,
Hi there, I am 30, financially stable and yes I would be able to move out and live on my own comfortably. I'm not stuck, I just love the guy. Outside of "situation" he is a sweet man. My relationship with his daughter is awesome. When she is in our home, we both keep a good routine with her and parent together. Its nice, there is no issues with that.
And things have really turned around for us lately. My family loves him, they see a good man and a good father which he is. He just doesnt know how to handle it.( the situation) He will either fly off the handle or pretend its not happening. Right now we are pretending its not happening.LOL which is putting my anxiety through the damn roof.
Im so sorry this is happening
I know its for the best but it hurts right now.
It does seem like he is withdrawing from you in a permanent way. As you are already getting your ducks in a row, Ill send a virtual hug your way.