Unintentionally Overstepped

While in SS14 paitent portal I was trying to update DH's contact info since he was still not listed for anything. In doing so I apparently started a sh!+ storm. I guess one of the phone numbers I changed was actually one of SS's primary contact numbers that didn't have to do with DH. Completely honest mistake. Nothing intentional. An email was sent out asking for clairification to DH and BM.

BM apparently told SS that DH now had access to his medical records to SS sent out a text stating that he "was done" with DH again and that he didn't want him to have access.

DH is kind of pissed becasue now BM knows that we know everything she has done. He wanted to play a quiet hand. I still think it is not a big deal that she knows but I never meant to do anything to upset DH.

I hope that the reaction from SS will show the GAL exactly how bad the PAS is. I mean, why would a kid think that their parent wouldn't have access to his medical? That only one parent does? That isn't how this works.... He has 2 parents.

We are still waiting for an answer from the GAL and DH's lawyer on the fake medical- "fake news!" lol

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Out of curiosity, was SS's

Out of curiosity, was SS's outburst sent via text, and when was it sent if it was?

If "he" sent that response via text during school hours, then that tells me either 1) BM is sending the texts from SS's phone or 2) BM is interrupting SS's educational time in order to drag him into adult issues.

Time to take the Rags approach:

"SS, I have a legal right, granted by the judge, to view your medical records and ensure that my contact information is on file. There was an error in how contact information was updated, but it has been fixed so that BOTH your mother and I have access to medical information about you that we are legally entitled to."

I still don't believe that SS I sending these texts, or that he is sending them unprompted.

Except that this is SM accessing the records

Thowing accusations on who was wrong will not end well. Unless OP thinks she can get away with lying, as to who was accessing the records.

We both have log in's to the

We both have log in's to the account, so it really doesn't matter. I was granted full access to information. Thankfully that was something DH really pressed on and the hospital allowed it.

DH gave her permission to

DH gave her permission to access them, specifically to update the contact information. OP didn't do anything wrong. The only time it is wrong is if a parent doesn't want their spouse to know but the spouse snoops anyway. The only time I feel differently about this is if a child has a "socially stigmatizing" condition that would cause bigger issues if others found out (since we don't live in an enlightened age yet).

ETA: Also, I never said that accusations should be thrown. No where did I say that Dad should blame BM for not being on medical records. All I said was that he needs to let his son know that he has legal ability to access his records, as does BM.

BM likes to throw her

BM likes to throw her boyfriend down as "father" all the time. Except she uses DH's insurance of course. BM has done everything she can to keep DH out of any records of SS's- School, health, counseling, etc.

I am sure this sent BM into full on tizzy fit!! *diablo*

Exactly -- DAD has legal authority

I do not think it will impress any GAL that dad is too lazy to update information, that he needs his wife for this.

How exactly, would the GAL

How exactly, would the GAL know WHO updated the info?

He wouldn't - so that is a

He wouldn't - so that is a non issue. Besides nothing actually got updated, just a request sent. It really isn't a big deal as far as the info, it was more BM finding out we had the access.

You can't be serious. You

You can't be serious. You REALLY think a GAL who has a BM who puts her BF down as the "father" and actively alienates Dad from medical decision making is going to care that SM updated a fracking phone number? That's like getting upset because SM signed off on a homework log just because she happened to be the adult available at the time.

What the GAL SHOULD see from that is that Dad and SM work together to provide all the care SS needs should he be in their custody. That SM is engaged and supports her husband's role as a father.

You make it sounds like OP does everything. She may do more of the "administrative" work, but her husband is military working, I'm assuming, crazy hours. He does the vast majority and she helps where she can. You know, like she is his spouse or something.

Thank you!!

It was about 11 pm our time,

It was about 11 pm our time, 10 pm his time. I don't doubt SS sent it. However, I can just see the way that it was delievered to him. "your stupid father..." "messing up your records..." "doesn't even believe you have X,Y or Z!"

Little do they both know that DH has been granted the right to be on the phone for his next appointment. DH was assured that no matter what SS or BM say, he will remain on the phone for the visit - this is the 3rd appointment for the EDS that he doesn't have.

IMO, I think your DH should

IMO, I think your DH should have been the one to update the records instead of you.

I really liked lt-d’s response your DH should send to SS about both parents legally having access. This kid has way too much power, which I know is BM’s doing, but I still think it should be said.

I do think you need to step back regarding SS’s health care & let your DH take the reins on it. You can’t care more than the parents do, and where medical records are concerned, unless you have documentation granting you access, you are absolutely overstepping.

I do have full acess. DH made

I do have full acess. DH made sure that I was on everything.... I am stepping back now though.

Ah ok, I didn’t know that.

Ah ok, I didn’t know that. Hopefully the GAL will see through the PAS from BM and turn things more in your favour. It can’t be nice going through everything you & DH have with SS.

Yeah, I wouldn't say more

Yeah, I wouldn't say more than, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I love and care about you very much." In my PAS research, it is best not to defend yourself too much, because you become who the other parent says you are.

OP, I've made those kind of mistakes during court time, really stinks. But I doubt it'll change much. I think BM has herself so convinced her lies are the truth that it won't change how she fights.

I really don't think it will

I really don't think it will make a difference, it never even actually changed his records, just a request sent to have them changed. Things were updated properly before entered into the system, so it really wasn't a big deal on the official side of things.

Meh so little miss PAS BM got

Meh so little miss PAS BM got her panties in a twist because this just proves that DH is not the uninvolved drunk she is claiming him to be.

As for SS he is going to go along with whatever garbage BM is telling him, so I wouldn't worry overly much.

It's hard when you are just trying to do the right thing and now DH is upset, just take a step back and breathe, it's going to be okay.

BM has nothing to do with her life

But make it hard for you. No matter what you do it’s going to be wrong and a major problem. Face that, you are in a no win situation. If BM had a job maybe itspuld be easier. You have to do what you have to, and not care about BM. Your SS May be lost for good already, unfortunately that maybe the answer

In my state, children 12 and

In my state, children 12 and over have to sign for their parents to have access to the online portal, or to have any psychiatric information at all. Obviously, most of the time, kids have no issue with that.

After SS was alienated, not one of his providers would speak to DH because SS told them not to. Make sure your state doesn't have a similar law.

They had to go through the

They had to go through the hospital for access to the patient portal. They wouldn't have given them access to that and to the appointment if such a law were in place.

Maybe - or maybe SS was under

Maybe - or maybe SS was under 12 when they got access.

That would be one hell of a

That would be one hell of a security breach. SS is 14. That would mean that, for 2 years, the clinic/hospital didn't update any of their release of information, consent, and privacy forms with SS and BM. If that is truly the case, OP's DH needs to file a complaint with state compliance officials for violating his son's medical rights.