What should I do?
Quick update from my last blog.
So, after talking it through with my husband he told the kids that if they live with us they will have rules and chores and they will have to stay with their BM on weekends. I guess after realising that they won't have a complete free for all they decided against staying with us full time. For now at least. I'm thankful for that.
Recent developments.
I asked the youngest step son to assist me with doing something and he plain out said no. I informed my husband and he called and told him if he isn't going to behave and listen to us then he will have to go back to his moms. So, it's either he listens and assists or he leaves. Hes 11. He chose to leave. Couple days later my husband messages him and told him that if he wants to come back he needs to apologise to us. He said no, he's not coming. Since then my husband has been begging and bribing him to come back. Like wtf. After the bribing, SS decides to come back. He will be here on Friday. Should I demand an apology and continue to insist he helps around the house or should I leave it as it is and never ask him to help out?
Be kind. I'm a new Step Parent.
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Comments
Your DH sounds like the
Your DH sounds like the typical disney dad and wants to make his kids like him instea of being a parent to them. He wants to make it as pleasant as can be when they come to visit. It really is a lost cause trying to make that brat apologize to you. I am speaking from experience. Your best bet is to disengage from the brat and not care. Do not do anything for his kid. Let your DH do everything for me. I hope this helps.
At this point DH has
At this point DH has obliterated the expectation of an apology being needed. If you ask for one SS will smugly say no amd your DH has already shown that he will back that up. Disengage.
Another example of children
Another example of children of divorce having the upper hand. Not happy, just go to the other parent's house. Fuck the apology. I do not allow apologies. They mean nothing. Make him come back and make his life miserable while he's there. He's 11. It's only going to get worse
Giving him the option of
Giving him the option of going back to BM's was the mistake. What needs to happen is that your DH takes is visitation next time no matter what the 11 yr old says. If SS acts like that again- punnish him there. Take away his electronics, send him to his room, give him extra chores, all the things that a parent would do in an intact family. None of this going back and forth business. He has to be a dad not just the fun house. If this isn't handled swiftly you are going to be dealing with Hell from a teenager!
Agreed! I felt he needed to
Agreed! I felt he needed to be punished at his house. Giving him the option and then allowing him to go back to his BMs house was a terrible idea. He gets to sit around and do nothing there. So he got exactly what he wanted. But DH thought sending him back was some sort of terrible punishment. Smh.
You have to Disengage
Do nothing for SS. SS is not with you unless DH is there. He goes with DH. No buying him anything, no trips as in vacation. No money. If DH has to go somewhere he has to get childcare
^^^THIS^^^
Remove yourself entirely from the equation. If your SO doesn't have your back, don't have his by assisting with anything related to child care. Disengage completely.