I can't believe this...
Forums:
So.. my man went to get his kids today and when he got back with them, he walks in and says "she has pink eye, and he has a cold". This pisses me off because we have a 4 month old little girl.
He doesn't get it at all because he's not the one that stays up or gets up with her at night. He's not the one that is with her all day. He doesn't have to rock her and sing to her all night becuase she's miserable and can't sleep and then go to work the next day with literally no sleep. He gets all the sleep he wants becuas he doesn't even sleep in the same room anymore.
I just want them the f**k out of my house.
But - he can't not take his
But - he can't not take his other young children for Christmas because they are sick ...this is the hazard of having children with a man who already has some with someone else.
Go in your room with baby and
Go in your room with baby and keep yourself away from the sick kids.
Also, why does he not help care for baby?
A cold is
A cold is one thing but pink eye is incredibly easily transmitted. Obviously you are going to be practicing major hygeine precautions. How long will they be staying? I agree that having them go to his parents NOW would be a good idea, And a little white lie about baby suddenly developing a case of horribly explosive diarrhea (already had to change her 3 times!) that is going to prevent her from traveling to the gathering may be in order.
I don’t really agree with
I don’t really agree with this one. If it is his time with them (and especially on Christmas) they shouldn’t be banned because they are sick. He had these kids before and if things like this were a concern, prob wasn’t the best idea to have a kid with him in the first place.
it is the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. And don’t worry there will be many more times when your baby (toddlerhood especially) that he/she will get his kids sick and they will bring it back to moms too and piss her off.
Im more wondering why dad doesn’t help with baby at all? Is he working, etc. so you are on baby duty?
Normally I would
Normally I would agree. Kids are walking germ factories and passing the germs back and forth actually strengthens their immune systems anyway! If they both had colds it would be no big deal but pinkeye can be really serious in infants. The BM as an experienced mother of 2 should have known that and, if she was not going to keep that child home, at least warned the OP so that she could take precautions.
The OP
said in her previous blog that the SKIDS are barely allowed around the baby so the chance of transmitting pink eye is very low. Pink eye is transmitted through hand to eye contact or sharing toys that the infected child has played with. As long as she wipes everything down before her baby is touching it she should be good.
The OP stated in her previous
The OP stated in her previous post that the skids are allowed nowhere near the baby as it is. What she does with the infant when two skids (sick or healthy) are around, I have no idea. But wherever it is she stashes herself and baby normally to not be around the skids should be fine.
If there wasn't a BM the household would not have any choice in having sick skids and the youngest child all in one home. The skids are scheduled to be with their father for a week.... I see no reason why this father should be spared having to do some parental responsibilities , for both his older and his younger child. He's managed to have three kids in six years. Kids shouldn't be just 'woman work' . No reason he can not care for and chase his older kids around even when they aren't feeling well.
I didn't have the luxury of 'not taking the skid/s' when he didn't fit my itinerary or because one was ill or even contiguous. I had all the kids all the time 24/7 365. We just had to use good hygiene practices and a lot of both adults in the home putting themselves out to make it through.
No, no one wants sick kids at Christmas. no one wants to have to deal with sick deals. Unfortunately, it's all a normal expected part of being a parent. Plans get canceled last minute, families get assigned to certain rooms (and only certain rooms) and one parent tends to the well child well the other parent tends to the sick one/ones.
I don't like the idea of the thought that his older two children are 'optional' , to not have when it doesn't suit. No one here would think it's ok and/or to be expected that the man send his baby out over to the grandparents if baby were sick but the skids healthy. Of course not, the cheer would go up that baby lives there fulltime through thick and thin... but these two other kids have to bounce between homes and stay away when not wanted?
Ya I totally get it. I’m a
Ya I totally get it. I’m a mom and a SM. My DD’s stepmom always bans her from the house if she even has sniffles... literally it will be “I think I heard her sniffle, dropping her off!!!!”.... one time her dad didn’t see her for almost 3 weeks because she had a sniffle. On the other hand though, her kids have gotten my DD sick COUNTLESS times and have brought it back into our home.... pink eye included in that, and also some weird viral rash they all had that made their eyes swell shut.
I actually like her SM, just with this illness thing it is a double standard. My DD is 13 and pretty much never gets sick (only child over here as well, so it is very very very rare)- and pretty much anytime she is it came from there. It isn’t a problem for them to not take her if they even *think she possibly might be sick*, but there is no way in heck it would be tolerated if I kept her away from there when their kids are sick.
With kids coming to our home I pretty much look at it like this is just something that happens when you have multiple kids.
Also, as a side note and just so you really think about it.... if you two end up breaking up he will have ALL of his kids together as he sees fit. If you really don’t like that idea you really shouldn’t have had a baby. It might be hard to accept but you need to come to terms with reality otherwise you are going to make yourself miserable, and your DH miserable and cause some major problems within the family.
I agree. If she had 3 bio
I agree. If she had 3 bio kids and one had pinkeye, that one wouldn't be banished out of the house. It's only because it's not her kid that she wants the child banished. She wants her DH to act more like a real parent to his first kids, that would include taking them when they are sick, especially on Christmas.
Fully agree!! And to him they
Fully agree!! And to him they are all equally his kids, so she is setting herself up for major disaster because at some point he WILL say “you won’t accept my kids for no reason, screw uou!!”- and then he will have all the kids together by himself with her having zero control or say .And yes if it is “ew, they are sick take them back”, what kind of attitude will he also exhibit forwards the baby? These kids are just as important to him.
I completely understand all
I completely understand all of these points.. I was just really mad and needed to put my anger somewhere. So it ended up here.. after consideration I'm just more mad that BM didn't say a word about it until he got there, so tgrrt esd no time to prepare and take precautions.
Also to some of the other questions, he works part time. He just takes care of DD or changes a diaper here and there when it's convenient for him. So her getting sick isn't that big of a deal for him because he doesn't have to do anything about it when she is sick. I do it all. God forbid he lose any sleep.
I think you should impose
I think you should impose more duties on him.... especially if he is only working part time!! If you don’t, you will end up resentful towards him (which it sounds like is already happening, and honestly don’t blame you). If you aren’t working than yes take care of the bulk of the nighttime stuff- but he should be helping with everything else when he is home. And if you’re not breastfeeding he can do at least one night a week.
To get him to do more don’t be emotional about it, don’t have a big talk about it, and don’t nag about it..... simply pass the baby and go do whatever (take a bath, go for a walk, go to the gym)- and be like “be back in a couple hours”, or whatever. My one girl friends hubby works full time (difficult job, long hours)- and I swear every minute he is home he has the baby!!!!!! She just plays the whole “baby loves her daddy so much, she is crying for you”, “I’m so jealous you are her favourite, I wish she loved ME that much!” and really works that angle, Lol.... and it works like a charm for her. Dad feels all proud, and works harder to keep baby happy, and mom gets tons of time to herself and to get other things done. This is their 4th kid and she finally picked up on this tactic.
I think that more than the SKIDS the issue is that you feel tired and like you are chained to the baby and DH isn’t doing enough- I think most moms feel like that.
Works part time??? Why???
Works part time??? Why??? Maybe if he is caregiver for a baby, but he isn’t. He isn’t even helping enough! Is he on disability (then part time is understandable)? I’d say SKs having pink eye or cold isn’t the issue compare to all this.
WTF @ working
WTF @ working part time and sticking you with the childcare? Unless he is out of work because he lost a necessary body part in a work accident that is some serious bullsh*t. Every adult has a job in life whether it is outside of the home or inside of the home. Time for him to find his. Isn't he embarassed to be unproductive?
The part time thing isn't
The part time thing isn't really the issue.. he has an amazing job that pays very very well so that's all that is nessesary since I also work part time. The issue is that when he is home he doesn't often take DD to give me a break. Or when I get him to take her it's usually a big sigh of audible annoyance, so I just don't really ask anymore.
Does he yake care of hos
Does he yake care of hos other kids, or do you? If he does, why not the one you share with him?
Yes, he's the one that deals
Yes, he's the one that deals with them when they are here.. I have disengaged. For sanity reasons.
Soooo what?!? Both me and DH
Soooo what?!? Both me and DH make enough $ that we could work part time off it.... that doesn’t mean we slack the rest. Money has nothing to do with it. And who the heck cares if he sighs when given the baby..... suck it up butter cup!!!! Pass that baby and walk away from the sigh- it will stop when he stops getting a reaction to it!!!’
My exH was pretty much useless, but I have since realized it was because I let him be. When we broke up he had to step it the frick up, and guess what? He handled it just fine!! It is amazing when they aren’t provided with options what they are capable of! Stop torturing yourself by being a smother mother (no offence, I was one too), and let dear old dad step up to the plate for his share!