I think about this a lot, and even though I love my DH and we've weathered the storms so far, if I was given a clear picture of what would happen, I would have run the other way.

DH has dealt with all the BM and SS crap about as well as anyone could. But like you, I hate having it hanging over my head all the time. SS adds nothing but stress to my life, and while BM is not a daily fixture anymore, she's out there continuing to interfere with SS's relationship with DH even though SS is almost 19.  We have 3-4 more years of financial obligation to SS with college started. He's a carbon copy of his mother and so that's stressful for DH.

When it all piles on, I imagine living alone in a peaceful home with none of these problems in my life. But I do love DH and we are on the home stretch.

I, too, often think of this and then drift off into daydreamland of what my life would be like without all of the unneeded stress, drama, and BS surrounding being with someone with a toxic, HCBM and mini BM in the making. I foresee skid being the gift that keeps on giving. All the eye rolls.

But, we have also weathered a lot of storm together and my DH has made a lot of changes compared to how he was in the beginning. Mainly, he keeps BM at a distance and in her place whenever she shows her arse, which is rarely anymore.

Aside from that, I feel I really hit the jackpot with DH’s wit, charm, and giving nature. Also, I’ve got my own little slice of heaven with DH being a dead ringer Charlie Hunnam (Jax on Sons of Anarchy anyone!?) doppelgänger.

I have thought about this alot.  I think I would probably still marry my DH, but I never would have pushed him into getting full custody. All it did was cost him a relationship with SD14.  As much as I care about SD12 and am happy to see her thrive, she makes it very clear that she'd rather be back with her mom.  I can almost guarantee that she will run back to BM and that life as soon as she is old enough.  I really dont see us making a long term change in her.  This whole custody fight has drained us of money and time. And what do I have to show for it, a stressed out DH,  a spy in my home and a BM that treats her kid like crap but is still the greatest person alive.  

it breaks my heart entirely to say this but I would have just kept effing around with the mail man going out and partying every weekend with no strings attached, but I thought he was my do no wrong Prince Charming life safer. I love my husband dearly but he has put me through the ringer.. I knew what I was signing up for but I didn’t think it was going to be this tough. 

If I knew just how disgusting lazy BM was I would have ran for the hills. She makes me cringe and her terrible parenting has left us with a child who is very behind meeting his milestones. She also knows how to drive me insane. Drain our bank account and should consider taking up acting for soap operas. 

My SS oh how I love you and wish I could save you all the time but you cause so much strain on my marriage and future plans on having my own children someday. If you only knew what your BM does to your father you would never want to talk to her ever again. If me and your father don’t work just know you will always be in my heart. 

To my SO just get your head out of your ass, realize you need to step up and be a parent and that having a toddler is not always unicorns and rainbows all the time you actually need to be a parent too. Stop your selfish games denial and actually acknowledge everything I do. I am not your mom and I’m only a step mom. If you want more treat me like I’m more than the live in nanny maid. 

I wish I could go back in time and kept ignoring you I wish I could live peacefully alone again and mend my hurt. But I had to fall in love with you. 

out of your life in 6 years when they turn 18..(I thought that same thing once upon a time myself)....they will never be out of your life, and sometimes when they are adults, situations can be much more irritating and abrasive . In my situation  issues with adult skids (and DH) to be much worse than when they were children.....

I think about this often, and because of my kids, no.  If I didn’t have kids, I probably wouldn’t have stayed.  My DH is a pushover and lets SD and MIL disrespect and run roughshod over me, and our family.  I totally realize that DH and SD are toxic, and I realize my oldest especially can see that, and I debate with myself all the time whether or not or when I should leave.  I wonder if I’m giving them a bad example for not sticking up for myself and staying,  Maybe because I respect my mother for staying in a semi abusive relationship with my father, and she had a much harder marriage.  

My issue is that DH goes ape or even tunes me out whenever I even bring upthat he should seek help, and he doesn’t do anything to get his troubled daughter help either.  For now, to me, leaving is not worse than the damage divorce would cause, he’s a bad dad to his daughter, I imagine it would only be worse with his second class kids, and then his remarrying who knows what kind of woman, or even the thought of MIL having unrestricted access to my kids.  Just no.  Things would have to be bad enough for him to have supervised visits.   Later, especially if SD ends up living with us into adulthood, I’ll leave and take my chances on my own.

 I just came to this realisation in counselling.

My DH is (seemed) a wonderful, romantic gentle man. SDs were 19 and 16 when we met. My kids 10 and 8.

Bm and SDs have caused nothing but grief (due to dh’s awful guilt at daring to leave first marriage). I have been abused by all of them. It’s become a pattern with DH...emotional abuse, profuse apologies then the cycle starts again.

 I think I made a mistake because I didn’t realise he couldn’t let go of first wife and is terrified of his daughters now 32 and 29 who have refused to speak to me for the past three years because I objected to BM  attending my MILS 80th Birthday cruise lunch (BM has only ever spoken to me to abuse me and generally death stares or ignores me at previous “family” gatherings concerning the SDs). If I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t have married him. 

Wish I never married him or moved in...yes. I now feel stuck. I gave up a job, mistake. I poured a lot of money and heart into his house, mistake. Joined finances, did not and will not make that mistake. I still have all my premarraige money in my dad or son's names. The skids will never touch that.

Do I wish I never met him? No way! I wish we would have just stayed friends though.

Should’ve stopped at friends...I’m sad everyday and today I’ll be ending this. I can’t do it anymore.