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Issues with bio dad

markwvualum's picture

Bio dad sees his kids once a week for a few hours and that’s it. He will frequently call my wife on the day he has his children to tell her he’s bringing them back early because they are misbehaving or he is bored. He’s a man child who can’t handle being a father, granted her youngest does misbehave a lot due to both of their lack of discipline. How should this situation be handled?

tog redux's picture

You can't force someone to take visitation, so there is really nothing you can do. Unless you just don't answer the phone when he calls.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Is their CO set up to where he gets them every week? If so, consider having the CO changed to EOWE so that you can at least plan some weekends even with the kids.

If he isn't a danger to the kids, and your SO doesn't think he'd leave the kids on her doorstep, then tell him "no, sorry, not home until drop-off". That would either force him to keep the kids or push him to not pick them up altogether.

Ultimately, he is the NCP who is granted visitation time but isn't required to take it. There isn't much you can do to make him take it unless he pays less CS for all his COed visitation time he doesn't take; then, your SO can take him to court for an upward modification where he pays CS commiserate to what he actually sees them.

caitlinj's picture

You can’t force someone to be a dad just like you can’t force someone to be a good parent. Your wife made a poor choice in the man whom she decided to have children with. There were most likely major signs along the way that he didn’t want children or wasn’t mature enough to be father that she blatantly ignored for whatever reason. Bio dad sounds like a bum and a man child. She also doesn’t want to parent her kids apparently for whatever reason. There is nothing you can do about either of these things. However she can have his child support increased if he is not taking his full visitation times. However that is up to her.

pwoodlson's picture

Your wife needs to tell him if he takes his kids that neither of you will not be home until drop off time. That way he will either have to figure it or not take his kids to begin with. If he decides to stop taking his kids then it’s time to have his child support upped immediately because his children are being watched or cared for by someone else on what is supposed to be his time and responsibility and that is an expense. Your wife needs to stand up to her ex, set boundaries with him and parent her kids. It sounds like you two need to have a talk.

CLove's picture

Always refer back to those. If there are none in place, it would be a good thing to get some! Then work something out. In the meantime, be scarce on his days. Bored? Kids disruptive? Not your problem. His Problem.

amyburemt's picture

want to continue being a father to the kids? would he consider giving up his parental rights? Just a thought that ran through my mind when I read your post. 

markwvualum's picture

That is what is annoying. He will never give up his parental rights. He will never just go away which is probably what would be best for hids kids. He wants to be their dad even though he's no where close to being one. It is frustrating. He thinks being a dad is seeing his kids once a week for a few hours and calling them for a few minutes every few days.

tog redux's picture

You may hate the dude, but he's their father, and it's never in a kid's interest for a father to just "go away", with the exception of severe abuse situations. Just because he's not FOTY doesn't mean he doesn't love them and they don't love him. That's the kind of thinking that leads to people cutting the other parent out because they feel they are inadequate.

Your wife procreated with this man, she chose him to be the father of her children, so she will have to deal with the consequences of that. And you married her, so you will have to deal with it too,

 

 

Rags's picture

Your wife needs to silence her phone and the two of you leave the house as soon as The SpermDas takes the kids.  Don’t return or answer his calls until his visitation expires.

Keep it simple.