Dinner ideas

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Oh DH was doing so well with not involving me with dinner plansu when SD12 is here unless I volunteered.

I get home on Saturday, after running errands literally all day, with 15 min to put away groceries and get ready to meet neighbors for dinner.

SD is in her room (doing homework) and DH is on the couch watching a show. As I'm madly running around (I don't let him put away groceries because he still doesn't know where things go) he says "Do you have dinner ideas for SD?"

Me "What? There is food here she likes, why are you asking me, I am busy."

DH, pissy, "well sorry for asking for ideas. Is it so hard to help?"

Me, "I literally just got home from all day errands for THIS house, us. I think both you and SD are capable of looking in the fridge/cupboard to see what is here. Why are you putting this on me?"

DH, still pissy and not moved from couch, "I just wanted your opinion. But you get so mad at little things."

Me, "you are asking me to tell you what she can have to save both of you from looking and figuring it out. That's why I am pissed, why is it on me?!"

Ibthen threw out two staple meal ideas we always have, asked if he was happy to not decide any longer and we left. Had a nice night but dammit I'm mad at myself for giving the ideas!

We're having Jump Ups!

"For dinner tonight, SD will be havng Jump Ups."

"Jump Ups?"

"Yes! When she's hungry, she can Jump Up and get it herself!"

(credit for this idea comes from "Club Paradise" with Robin Williams)

When no one tells me what

When no one tells me what they want or give me a dumba$$ answer like "chicken" I just make what I want to eat. They don't want it or like it- OH freaking Well! Not my problem- this goes for DH, my bios and my steps. We also don't allow for other meals. Don't like it, go hungry. Should have spoken up.

I think you did fine. You

I think you did fine. You called your SO on his crap and held him accountable, then left. You didn't volunteer to cook or enable in any way. This is how you retrain these Disney Daddees!

cookbooks for kids

There are some great cookbooks for kids on Amazon. Easy but healthy recipes for everything. Make it a Christmas gift!

Also, All-receipes and Pinterest are 2 of my favorites sites for new ideas. A 12 year old can make a board and pin some favorites, make a grocery list and plan a meal.

Also, Ditto what Julie said above!

Thing is SD is a good cook,

Thing is SD is a good cook, this was ALL on DH.

His anxiety about feeding her when she's perfectly capable. He also asked if she was coming with us, um when was that ever a plan DH. It's adult time!

Reminds me of...

I recall dating as a teen/twenties guy. "So, where would you like to eat?"

"I don' knowwwwwwwwww..."

"Cool! McDonald's it is!"

They either GOT my sense of humor and learned to speak up or they didn't get a second date with JavaMan.

To this day, as a salty former Marine who needs no one to take care of me, I am pretty skilled at cooking some pretty tasty stuff, and it usually involves meat and fire, and is oftentimes pretty health conscious while being super tasty. And I gotta say, I like it fresh and pretty bold, something you can't find in restaurants, and microwaved prepared meals are only a last resort. So when I see DW is frazzled and nothing's going, I actually LIKE going into the kitchen and creating something.

What I have learned from all that is that SKids who turn their noses up to things they haven't tried *just because it looks weird* are usually pretty easy to win over when they see mom try it and not keel over. And when DW gets a look and says to them, "Oh, no... you've GOT to try this."

"But I don't like onions."

"He caramelized the onions, you don't taste onions at all. Try it. It's amazing." And BAM. They opened their minds a little... and then their mouths opened, and they suddenly realized I don't cook like mommie, which is kinda cool because it's like having two types of cooking under one roof.

Best thing? They get curious. And there's nothing better than a curious kid. Curiosity leads to open minds and adventurous spirits.

As for OP, I'd recommend you 'splain this to your husband, that his kid getting to see dad cook is something she needs to see to learn to appreciate both of you more, but also to let her see and try some things on her own, even if it's just a PopTart - "...but this time, let's put cinnamon butter on the PopTart."

My ex always made my son a PB and honey sandwich. Only SHE could do it. So I said, "I think I've got this." So I did it on the bread he liked, lightly toasted, crunchy PB, and the honey. And on the side, instead of potato chips, I put Golden Grahams. I became a folk hero that day LOL... He said I made it better than she did, and he preferred my sandwiches. It made him curious enough to eventually want to do his own, and to experiment a little.

Your SD needs that, and you need to have a little break from the duties. You did great, and I hope my message has reinforced that.

SD12 is not the issue, she

SD12 is not the issue, she takes care of herself . This was about DH.

Copy.

And that's exactly why I suggested you suggest to your DH to sashay himself into the kitchen and show his daughter how to cook something. He needs to cook for her, she needs to appreciate HIM doing it, and maybe SHE will dive in with a little more interest and learn it for herself. But you, as the step, will only be "the hired help." We can all see you're frustrated by that. Read my other posts, it's seldom the kid, but more often it's the lack of parenting that's the problem, and many steps are the "I've got your back" personality who STEPS IN to help parent when we see a lack of parenting (and get our hands slapped). Believe me, I'm on your side; I'm YOU.

So I'll be a little tighter with my prose: "Hon, you and Princess need to do some things together so she knows she can look to you for things she needs when I'm too busy, and helping her make a sandwich would be an easy start."

Believe me, I've felt like the hired hand / maintenance guy / bill payer / anything but appreciated guy in my home long enough and I'm doing exactly what I'm recommending to you. Politely and cordially, but we've had to have some TOUGH discussions to get everyone to think about what they stand to lose or gain in a world with or without JavaMan, and we are actually getting there. They see and are now stepping up. But it took a "Disturbance In The Force," and there was NO WAY I was going to back down.

That's another thing I'll say, you know you're right, so don't back down - and don't back off. Be polite and cordial throughout because failure to do so will make for a greater setback than a gain.

Best of luck.

So Java_Junkie, you seem to

So Java_Junkie, you seem to have some great advice and meals are an area I struggle in. I don't mind doing the cooking as my DH is an okay cook but I can only eat the same 3 meals for so long. I took over the cooking duties. I started first by asking SD17, SD15 and SS13 if there was anything they wanted for dinners the nights they were there. Never got responses. SD17 basically eats anything so she's easy. SD15 and SS13, not so much. Very picky, always complain that "there's no good food in this house" *slams the pantry door*. I stopped asking what they wanted for dinner and asked instead if there were snack items they wanted from the store. Only response I would ever get would be from SD17. No response from SS13 and SS15, IF she even responded, would only text to her dad and would never include me. So now I've given up on asking them anything. I no longer care that SS13 doesn't like cheese though he will down a pizza. I still make food with cheese in it and just tell him there isn't any. I no longer care that SD15 has decided she doesn't like chicken this week and will only eat beef. Since I get no response and no imput, I make what I want. But here's the problem....DH caters to all the whining. "I'm hungry." "I don't LIKE cheese!". "Chicken is disgusting." Instead he's offering up 100s of suggestions of what he can make for them and their responses are always "Eww, no. That's gross." I've tried to explain to him that they won't starve. There's more than enough food in this house for them to find something to eat. Any thoughts on how to get him to realize that what's on the table is what is for dinner? If you don't like it, you're on your own but don't complain, don't ask for McDonald's and don't has for help.

Had SD and family, plus DH's

Had SD and family, plus DH's sister visiting. DH usually handles all meals, cooking, etc. SD pitches in too. I purposely worked 9-10 hours one day, came home and they decided on pizza. Great.

They waited on ME to order it. I don't know why. I think they were all just on each other's nerves. Could I get concensus on what toppings? No. I asked once and got a bunch of uhms. So I ordered what I wanted and made sure to include ingredients that DH doesn't like. Normally I avoid passive agressive games like that but I was tired and hungry and when that happens, just back up to a safe distance.

Maddening.

Is he incapable of looking

Is he incapable of looking for himself??

Apparently YES.

Buy some convenience meals

Buy some convenience meals neither of them likes, and stick them in the freezer.

If daddeee cannot cook and

If daddeee cannot cook and plan for his own kid who is rude to you because you are alive; Dominoes delivers...put it as a contact in his phone. Until his snowflake is respectful, he can plan everything. You are a very gracious and giving wife to have this ill raised young lady in your own home still....husband should be thanking his lucky stars!

And he needs to learn how to use a toaster. Box of PopTarts and a toaster. "PopTarts. It's what's for dinner."