DH recently made a comment during an argument that if not for the fact that I am his number #1 priority, he would have his daughter back in the house.

That made me stop and think for a long bit. I think that men are a little less fluent in the language of phycholgy. My DH is a simple man, with simple language. Im the one he always sais "has the words". Im the one that introduced Narcissitic Personality Disorder to him - and it made sense to him that there was a name for the disordered personalities he had to deal with. Otherwise he just calls them "sick" and toxic".

I dont think he is regretting his decision to be with you, but in his mind, if he didnt have you in his life (good bad or indifferent) he is stating the fact that he would have her in his life. And other family members have been dealing with Toxic Feral for a lot longer than I have and in many different ways (large family, loads of accusations)

It sounds like you were just tired, drained and that hit a nerve. That would hit my nerve too, because - yes, thats his BLOOD, his SEED, but the fact remains that she is not a positive force in his life and is a parasite. You dont reward a parasite for being a parasite. You try to keep it away from you.

THE HAPPY FAMILY !!  He want to love his DD and DD wants to love him. He wants you to play the part of BM and do all the things to make the happy family.  Cook, bake, clean, do Birth D party’s holidays.  He should sit back and it will work out.  Unfortunately his chance for happy family  went with his devorice.  But doesn’t understand he screw up the first time, now he is screwing up again.  But it’s not his fault he screw up. It’s every one else fault 

OMG yes, heard that, got the t-shit (typo/Freudian slip and it stays). 

However, I'm hearing that from DH about me & SS18... but my DH is not in, or willing to go to, therapy. He very reluctantly kicked SS18 out but is angry at me, and pleading with me to let SS move back in... with NO change in rules because it would be too much for pwecious helpless SS18... but has no answer to me pointing out SS got kicked out because he refused to respect the rules. 

So yeah, I'm hearing and rejecting it. I'm the wife, choice already made. My SS & I actually get along great (specially since he moved out), I just don't want to live with him anymore because I resent hosting an adult stoner who refused to get his license, sign up for community college, do his laundry, clean his room,  clean anything, and stop the lying & pot smoking/vaping/whatev.

Thanking God for StepTalk & all the positive reinforcement I receive from this community. 

I do think that your DH slipped up and revealed something. Just not sure what. I say that because I'm still trying to figure out what my DH was thinking when he said something over a year ago.

I don't remember the reason or theme of the conversation but DH threw at me that if it weren't for me and BM, the skids would be going to the HS in our area (they had a very vague divorce decree in some areas and this was a drawn out process to choose which HS, involved lawyers and a GAL). I asked what he meant and he kept going, so this wasn't just a lashing out. That he knew the skids said something. I quizzed him since I was wondering and worried if I had skewed something. Nope, DH actually knew nothing, he just "knew." This was a big deal to me since this happened back when I was more engaged and thinking we were a team and spent a lot of time researching the schools, helping him with his reasoning, and even funded a lot of it from his side.

I mentioned his accusation about a month ago and he says he doesn't remember that and wouldn't have said that. So these are the scenarios playing in my head:

1. He was trying to make me feel bad and just said whatever hurtful thing was even a little related. It's bad that he'd say such a hurtful thing if he didn't mean it enough to remember it.

2. He was projecting his anger about the situation onto me, since he cannot be at fault for it. This happens a lot as he cannot handle bad feelings. Yet logically he must know with no proof that it's also still just hurtful and he must think very little of me to say something mean like that in order to assuage his bad feelings. And because he uses me as the scapegoat, he can forget his bad feelings.

3. He meant everything he said and he's just pretending not to remember. This is also bad as it means he's lying and playing me.

If your DH thinks he gets a pass on everything he doesn't want to do because he believes he did this major "choosing" thing, that's a problem. What do you think made him say it? Does he believe it? Was he trying to get out of something? Was he feeling guilty about something?

To be fair... did he realize you would be upset by him going fishing?  Have you expressed frustration before with him about not pulling his weight when it comes to entertaining (mostly his) family and friends?  Did you just jump straight to the point of calling him selfish?

I know it's tough, a lot of times we as women try to make people guess at what we want them to do.  I did it for years with my DH and getting me gifts.  Finally this year, I pretty much made it clear that no gift was not going to be well regarded by me.. and he actually came through... it was a nail biter though lol.

So, have you told him that while you do like helping him entertain that part of the deal is that you would like to feel taken care of a little after the guests leave?  That you need help getting things straight.  Or have you done what many of us do and say "don't worry, I will get it (change sheets.. do laundry.. wash dishes etc...).  We hope that our partners will see how hard we work and appreciate it and pitch in.. but sometimes people can be dunces about noticing when we need attention.

I mean, maybe he needs a break from "people" after the guests leave and that's why he went of fishing?  That is his way of decompressing.  I know you feel  you are doing more heavy lifting but perhaps the socializing is draining to him to (introverts do need to recharge after too much people contact).  Maybe going forward you could figure out how to balance things and have him take a bigger role in hosting the guests.. he plays "bartender" and also is in charge of grilling the main dish.. you throw in a couple of your specialties and perhaps you order in or buy some specialty sides.. from a local eatery/grocer?

Now, his response was a bit of a low blow and perhaps there is some part of him that thinks that if it weren't for you he wouldn't have pulled the trigger on disengagement.. would have suffered along as he was doing before.  At the root of it, she is still his child and he must have some amount of regret at the way things turned out.. not that it's really YOUR fault.. but it is what it is.  But he might have sort of lashed out if he felt he was being "unfairly attacked".  Like I mentioned earlier.. not sure how much he should have realized fishing was a no go before he went and did it.  So if he didn't realize that you would be mad.. then he got called on the carpet.. he might have been just being defensive.. 

I don't think he regrets "choosing you".. but I think there will probably always be a part of him as a father that regrets having to set boundaries that mean he is estranged from his child... as necessary as it might have been.