Not always! My DH is *this* close to disowning BM as a human being. She’s just that evil. If you think that he would have or it was a real possibility, it’s probably best that you ended it. That being said, just because they are cordial to each other , doesn’t mean they still “love” each other. 

Sorry. Hit the send button twice! 

I dont think so. I think its probably common but not necessarily just because they have a kid together..I think the kid is more the excuse to keep talking to them if they want to. Sometimes people just dont get over exes. For me personally though I can say my sons dad means nothing to me. And for DH I really dont think he has any special connection to his BM and she tried HARD to keep him attached to her by using the kid. 

My parents though claim that they care about each other still because of the kids but they were also together for 18 years and never seemed to truly let go of the relationship. I think it has more to do with how deep the relationship was then just having kids together.

In my SO's case, I would have to say no.  He is friendly with his ex, but I truly do not think he has an ongoing emotional attachment or desire to have a romantic relationship with her.  She cheated on him and didn't treat him particularly well in their marriage (they married because she was pregnant and they didn't know each other all that well at the time), so now that it's over I doubt he has any interest in going back to that, even though she was the one who left him and if she hadn't he probably would have stayed in the marriage for the kids.  BM is a good mother but was a bad wife.  She and SO are better as friendly and cooperative co-parents than they were as spouses.  Of all the things I could worry about in our relationship, SO going back to, or cheating with, BM is not even on the list.

If the BM is psycho, healing and moving on/getting closure for the single dad becomes impossible.  Crazy people cannot function healthy enough to give themselves closure, therefore, will not give the babby daddy closure.  Especially when they are narcissistic and believe the world revolves around them.  Throw in pushing a child out of their Golden Uterus and TADA!!! She know OWNS that baby daddy as her property.

That was the case of my DH.  He no longer loved BM2 but she brain washed him something rotten for many years.  They had SS together so he should ask how high when she demanded he jump.  For the sake of SS...of course.  After a couple of years of watching this dynamic and having numerous talks with DH, I'd had enough.  I was literally ready to walk when he finally came to his senses.  But it literally took me packing a suitcase and his father and adult children telling him they'd disown him if he 1. screwed things up with me as I was a good woman who loved him and didn't want anything but love back and 2. went back to BM2.

My DH is no longer brain washed but boy was it rough going at first.  He has most definitely chosen me but I understand that some SM's aren't so lucky.  I believe that if they truly want to move on, they will choose you.  If they don't, they won't.  Some men just aren't strong enough or ready to move on and that's when it is unfair as they should have never entered a new relationship.  I'm sorry you had to go through that OP.

But they had a relationship at one time.  With kid around they can not go no contact with BM.  So no matter what they say.  There will always be something between them. They had to have good times at some point in there relationships.  That why second marriage are so hard to deal with.  Even harder with kids 

My DH would never even think about sleeping with his ex. Since they split he has never wanted to be in the same room with her, let alone the same bed!

My SO has a track record of 'moving on' before a relationship has officially ended. He has also been in an open relationship - poly stuff - so if there is a prime candidate for straying sexually, my SO is it. However, sex with the BM? I cannot imagine a world where he would want to do that. 

Sorry to be crude, but my DH wouldn't piss on BM if she were on fire.

I would seriously look at the qualities of the "lot of people" you have around you telling you that single fathers are forever bound to the mother of their children.
It doesn't sound like these people have healthy or acceptable expectations of adult relationships in that possible cheating is a given.

It wouldn't surprise me if this advice is coming from jilted GUMBs themselves who can't accept that their former partner/boyfriend/husband with whom they have a child has moved on to someone else.

The connection to the child will always exist: whether biological only or some form of parental care.
The connection to the BM?
Depends on the maturity of the man.

A mature man, can have a good relationshop with his children,  a civil child related contact with the BM and a healthy relationship with a new partner.
That it  is a given he will crawl back into BM's  pants is laughable.
Some men do have self-respect and the ability to move on.
Others?
Well these males are best avoided and you have already demonstrated  the good judgement to do so.
Leave them  to the women to have a handcuff or panty-cuff via their kids.
 

The short answer is "no".  I believe the majority of single dads (those who are no longer with the mother of their child) don't have an emotional connection to the point they will get back together with them.

However, there are cases where perhaps the BM was the one that broke it off and the guy hasn't truly gotten over it and there are guys that are just morally not all that prone to being faithful... but this is not the majority situation.

Now, it is different than asking if they ever DID have an emotional connection.  Despite many protestations from guys and the hook line and sinker way many women want to believe it... at one time, the guy likely DID have an emotional bond with his EX... at one time he found her attractive... liked her.. loved her... and made promises to her to care for her and be with her... they made plans together etc..  That doesn not mean that they still want that NOW... just like we don't want to be with most of OUR exes.  After the scales are lifted from our eyes and we see more clearly.. the faults and downside of people can cause that emotional connection to sever.

So, again, short answer is no but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't think about whether you want to be with a guy with a kid because there are certainly a lot of downside to that situation and they will have a link to their EX that will require some level of contact.  If you are young... your dating pool should be open enough that you don't have to "settle" for a guy with this burden.

You need to hang out with a higher quality of people if "so many" told you single dads "always cheat" on their girlfriends.

DH & BM can't stand each other so I would never have to worry about that.

And as a "baby mama", I have had ZERO interest in my ex since we split up. We are cordial for our son and that is the extent of our "relationship".

That sounds like some fantasy scenario that society or desperate women dreamed up.

Do some men cheat? Yes, as do some women. It has very little to do with having a connection to the ex via kids, though. It's usually because they're lonely, not over the other person emotionally, think sex is fun, or get a thrill out of the act. But because they share a connection through a kid? Nope.

Society and jilted GUBMs would LOVE for the narrative of "men always leave their wives and kids for the young secretary" to be true because it's so much easier to handle life when everything fits into a nice, simple box. And life would be so much easier if Dad just woke up one day and went back to Mom after realizing the err of his ways. And then he'd grovel for the rest of his life and treat Mom like a queen, and they all live happily ever after, the end.

I'm sorry you found a dud instead of a diamond, but please don't think that 1) having a baby traps a man and makes him yours forever, and 2) single dads will always go back to their baby momma. If your friends are feeding you this BS, find new friends becauee the pool of men they will introduce you to will be the same very duds you just dumped.

I agree with so many on here if they are telling you this stuff. My parents divorced and no they did not sleep with one another afterwards. I know that because I was older. My dad tried a little but once he moved on he moved on from my mom. My uncle never went back to his son's mom he has been married to my aunt for 46 years.

As for my DH, hell no he would never ever go back to that. He has not see or spoke to my SS's BM in 7 or more years. My DH loves me and is truly committed to me. If the guy is a decent man he will be committed to you or end the relationship before doing something like cheating.

People accidentally have kids from a one night stand or from when they are young and do not understand things fully. I think there is probably a small part of any person who shares a child that is a little thankful for to the other but only because they gave the a child. That is usually where it ends. I know DH does not think about the BM, pretty much has no fleeing about her at all. I know he is grateful for his son and understands without her he would not have him.

Depends on the guy. One guy I knew bounced between whichever of his exes would have him that particular month, and all 5 of the exes claimed they still had an "emotional bond" because of the babies.(Point of note: that dude was a cheater from the word go. I don't think he'd ever been faithful in his life.) 

Another guy found his ex naked in his bed and called the cops to report a tresspassing.

My DH has changed too much from who he was when he was with BM to ever accept her again. He was a beaten down doormat who fell in love with a controlling shrew. Unfortunately for the shrew, she failed to realize that love for his children would be enough to build a spine in her doormat husband. When he argued with her about not being able to afford another vacation and she threatened to take his kids away from him, her control snapped. DH will never forget or forgive her for that or for trying to make him out to be a dangerous, angry monster in court. Now that he's had some therapy and reinforcement from me that self-care is not the same as selfish, he's such a different man that I can't ever imagine seeing him with someone like BM. He actually has a sense of self-worth now.

To my knowledge and from what I've seen my H never felt that way about his daughers mother. If anything he disliked her a great deal because she was so manipulative and underhanded. He had no emotions when it came to her and in fact wished he would have been more careful because he finally saw her true colors. He kept it strictly about their daughter, anything else he would never entertain. So to answer your question no not all men or women for that matter still sleep or flirt with their ex who they have a child with. Once that door is closed and I walk away that is the end. I'm not sure who told you that nonsense but that's not everyone's truth or reality, at least not mine or my H.

If the person you are with is still maintaining some type of physical or emotional contact with the ex than they have unresolved issues to address and this is a big red flag for your relationship.

Im so sorry you went through all that! Interesting that a lot of your friends, and aquaintances are telling you this is common, because really, its not, but there are many different scenarios and situations! Typically the child keeps people together DURING the marriage/relationship, but when its over, its truly over, when people are done, they are done - stick a fork in them.

Like I said it is situational. Ive had many conversations with DH, about this very topic. When he and I first met, he was "separated not divorced". And he couldnt invite me over for dinner or visitations, because ToxicTroll, aka baby momma, would just show up without invitation, stealing the key from her daughter, or just show up under some pretense. I thought it odd that he and she would go out dancing together, but its a small town, everyone is friends (right? yah right?) plus I was immersed in my own relationship drama. He was just a good friend at the time.

Cut to 1 1/2 years later, we figure out we are really great together, friendship blossomed into love, and we decide to be together, because, heck "I love you and you love me lets do this and see where it goes!"

I had just ended things a month earlier with my partner. So, we try things out, I dont meet the kids right away. A few months in, I meet the kids, and all heck breaks loose. Im having a tough time recalling how this all came about - something to do with the Feral Eldest, her key being taken away, and a series of texts from ToxicTroll regarding them having sex. Come to find out, during their supposed "separation", they were still intimate. He said it was only a few times and he never kissed her. It was out of a sense of comfort due to them being together 20 years. 

Needless to say, I had a problem with this, but because he knew of my previous relationship and the timing, what could I say? 

We worked it out, he told me the truth of things. He asked me to stay with him. 1 1/2 years later divorce was final. 4 1/2 years later we are now married.

He would never go back to that crazy, entitled, disgusting, phycho, toxic, sleazy human, but they did have 2 children together, so he has always maintained that he tries to show her respect as the "mother of his children". Nothing more. shes put him through the ringer, told him she hopes he dies, called him abusive (after choking her eldest!), called me abusive, verbally and emotionally and physically abused her children, had numerous bed partners, and now her ex boyfriend of over 2 years, has a restraining order on him, and is now homeless drug addict (because only the best for her, she is so picky!)

Now, today, I look back on the journey behind me, and after reading your post and the comments, recall how insecure I was the first few years, always comparing myself, and always wondering if he wanted to go back to her because it would be so easy, with the children, less conflict, less expense, less drama. I wondered back then if he was stiil attracted to her, how did I compare in the bedroom, etc.

Im definitely over those insecurities now! Without going into too much detail, Ill tell you a funny story: one of ToxicTroll's bedpartners needed a car worked on, and DH is a mechanic. They got to talking after the one-night-stand the guy had with ToxicTroll...DH showed the guy a photo of us together, and he told DH that he had definitely "traded up". Guy talk for "yeah, you got a better deal with your new woman!" I thought that was so weird! But, oh well. I am confident that I am the better woman, and confident that DH does not harbor any feelings for ToxicTroll. When we married he told me that everything with me is better and wonderful and he really just married and stayed because of the children. 

I hope you find comfort in the fact that this dude did not deserve you, and that there are bigger and better people in your future!

Never even crossed my mind. BM is so high conflict and has done her damnest to keep SS away from DH- I don't think that he would even see her as remotely attractive. I don't think that anything would have him circle back to her. 

On the flip side, I think that BM is super jealous of me. I think that while she doesn't want to be married to DH, she always thought that he would open her checkbook to him. I think he was also her back up if redneck BF didn't work out. I believe that she always thought that at the end of the day she could play the "family" card and they could get back together and retire in style on DH's dime.