How should I introduce myself to other parents?
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Is there something in between "step" and "my own"? Just curious... This morning, I took future SD to school. While none of the other parents were really interacting with each other, I wondered hypothetically "how would I introduce myself?" When my fiance is around, the context is more obvious. I'd prefer not to use "step" just because of the negative connotation for now, but I'm also not her actual mother (and don't need to be.) She even mentioned this morning "everyone thinks you're my mom, even though you're not." She wasn't saying it negatively, more mischievously, like we had some kind of secret and were tricking everyone, lol Saying "I'm C's dad's fiance/wife" seems like a mouthful. Any other options?
I have never experienced any
I have never experienced any negativity towards stepmothers. In this day and age, sooo many kids come from blended families. As long as you aren't in there trying to strongarm her mother out of the picture, stepmother should be fine.
I've experienced what I call
I've experienced what I call the "mommy club." Sometimes it's fine. other times the second they find out I'm a "step" I get the cold shoulder. I finid it all ridiculously childish. I worry about the girls as much as you worry about "your own." I spend more time with them than the girls' parents probably ever will. But I get the cold shoulder. I kind of just write it off as if they're going to be that childish, then they probably aren't the people I want to be dealing with anywyas.
Be polite, I'd just use your name. If they inquire more, then say you're the stepmomma. But honestly just the name should work fine.
Don't worry too much about titles.
Yeah, I can see that...and if
Yeah, I can see that...and if it happens, I have no need to further interact with those people bc I'm not trying to join the mom club or anything...I just think it's a normal, friendly, social thing to do if you see the same people over and over again, to at least chit chat. On the contrary, DH has no such problems bc he doesn't want to talk to anyone anyway...HA!
I introduce myself by my
I introduce myself by my first name and then if anyone asks or it comes up, I say I'm the stepmom. There's been no awkwardness that I can tell. There's several other step parents involved in school / sports / extracirricular stuff that no one really cares. I always remind myself that *I* care more about the label than anyone else-- no one is sitting around curious as to my title!
Yeah, you're right...it
Yeah, you're right...it really is me who cares, just bc I don't particularly care for the term. I know my "official" title is stepmom, but I don't feel like a mom - and that's ok - so it sounds weird to me. I guess I don't really mean other people have negative connotations...I just personally don't like the way it sounds... Like when Claire Huxtable in the Cosby Show didn't want to be called "grandma" bc it made her feel old lol. Silly, I know...
It's definitely not silly! I
It's definitely not silly! I don't feel like a "mom" to my stepkid, but I do just kind of gloss over it and keep the conversation moving. Like I said, I've not experienced too much negativity from other parents. BM and I sometimes sit together at sporting events and I think that is confusing for some people, like "which one is the REAL mom, again? The one on the right or on the left?"-- but that's just me watching the wheels turn and nothing anyone has really said. It did take me a minute to get used to the term, but now that I've said it outload a bunch and no one really bats an eye, neither do I.
Depending on what BM is doing
does she know these people, is she involved with the school and DD classroom. Or is she not in the picture ? If BM is involved you have to be careful not to come across, trying to take the BM place and roll in her DD school life. If BM is out of the picture, and you want to be involved in SD school life, then your the mother, because your her main care giver. School notes, field trips, party’s ect all come to you.
Good question...I have no
Good question...I have no idea! When SD first started school, both parents had these grandiose plans that they would be super involved with volunteering, PTA, etc, then quickly realized the time commitments weren't realistic for them. I'm not trying to take over the school life...I'm just a friendly person who likes to talk to people.
I just introduce myself by
I just introduce myself by name. If pressed, I say I'm dad's girlfriend/fiancee. I do not use the term stepmom because we're not married yet. Once SO and I are married, I'll probably say I'm SD's stepmom instead of SD's dad's fiancee. I don't think stepmom has a particularly negative connotation outside of Disney movies. My SO's ex-wife is very involved with the kids, so many people will already know that she's the mom. I'm not a particularly social or outgoing person, so I'm more than happy to let BM take center stage where the parents of the school friends are concerned.
I signed my not-officially
I signed my not-officially-yet-step sons up for rugby and was trying to explain to OSS's new coach his relationship to me. "He's my partner's son..." - Coach says - "You're living with this guy?" Yes. "So he's your stepson." Yes.
Whatever. I've known this coach (not super well) for years. People are pretty blunt down the rugby club - they don't want to hear convoluted two-layer relationships - they want to know what MY relationship is to this kid. Stepson is easiest.
I guess also, my partner isn't rugby, so coaches would probably rather talk to me anyway.
Until there is a better title
Until there is a better title "Wicked Step-Mom" will have to do.
We kept it simple. I was dad,
We kept it simple. I was dad, he was my son. The key part of me being his StepDad and he being by StepSon were the suffixs of Dad and Son. We didn't over think it or over complicate it.
No one ever asked and we never voluteered anything other than that. On a few occassions over the years my DW was called Mrs. (SpemrIdiot's last name) since that was my SS's last name. She vehemently confronted that when it happened.
The funny thing is that when that happened the assumption was that she was her kid's SM. Lol. She had SS-26 when she was 16 and I am 11.5 years older than she is so that many would jump to the conclusion that I was dad and she was trophy wife SM makes some sense.
Over the years when anyone would comment that he looked just like me we would just give a light laugh and and say thank you.
His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo. He asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen.
Only you should stipulate what a Skid will call you. For me it was either Dad or Mr. Rags. I don't allow children to call me by myfirst name. Though SS was the one who chose to call me dad when he was a toddler, I would not have allowed him to call me other than Dad(dy) or Sir... which he called me anyway. We did have the StepDad Vs. REAL dad and "Grandma (SpermGrandHag) says I can't call you Dad" talks a couple of times over the years. I told him that he chose to call me dad many years earlier and if that no longer would work for him then me could call me Mr. Rags. He decided to stick with Dad.
Skids called me Mr. Major,
Skids called me Mr. Major, never had a problem being called the step dad but now raising GSkids it gets even more confusing, they have a name for me but if someone calls me the father , Like daycare or school, grocery store, etc. GSD doesn't argue, sometimes she even says yes he's my dad, but she also does this with DW and calls her mom in public at times.
Thats because you and your DW
Thats because you and your DW are Mom and Dad. Kids are smart. They know who their REAL parents are. Being a REAL parent has nothing to do with biology and everything to do with who takes the actions of parenting and the actions of love.
You and DW are good people and your GSkids are blessed to have you.
I normally introduce myself
I normally introduce myself as, "Hello I am Letti."
I don't need to define myself by other people and neither should you.
If asked which kid is yours, you can say "None of them".
You need to set the terms of your own identity in your stepfamily situation.
Whether you want to be SD's "stepmom" or " DH's wife/girlfriend" should be a choice you determine.