This is going to be incredibly long.  But, I feel like I can't come back here with updates until I set the scene.  

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now.  We each have 2 children... mine are adults and have children of their own and live on their own.

His daughter is going to be 20 next month... his son is 17.  They both live at home with him.  

I moved in with them this past summer into his marital home where the children grew up (foreshadowing).  The ex-wife had moved out about 1.5 years prior to my moving in and lives up the street with her boyfriend.

I will use this site's lingo for his kids (SS and SD) even though I'm not married to their dad (yet, though we're not even engaged yet but I see that's where we're headed).  

Ok. So... SS... he's fine... pretty easy going and laid back though easily manipulated by SD.  The SD though... OMG... 

So, the reason the kids live with their dad and not their mom - as is typical - is because the mother spent the vast majority of their 20+ year marriage cheating on him.  I guess she wanted to cheat full time, so she left her family.  She's also a heavy drinker and dips in and out prescription and illegal drug abuse (DCF actually got involved last year because her son's friend saw it and told his mom and she reported her - she then rallied her kids and my boyfriend to lie on her behalf - real charmer this one).

Despite all of this, and despite she having been the one to leave AND despite their frequent annoyances with her "extraness"... they still seem to think she walks on water.  Personally I think she terrorized all 3 of them (my boyfriend and their 2 kids)... all of them bent to her will (he still does sometimes - which I am slowly getting him to stop doing).

OK, so there's the wind-up... here's the pitch:

I have been nothing but nice and accommodating since I moved in... I have a very strong personality and I've been keeping my mouth in check despite repeated jabbing from SD.  No one in my LIFE has ever gotten away with this kinda stuff with me before... but I love my BF and I don't want him to be unhappy.

PLUS - this is a temporary living arrangement. More on that later -- 

I could detect that SD was going to be a problem so in order to try to head that issue off at the path, I wrote her a long, beautiful letter thanking her for her "welcoming" hospitality (more like indifferent but I was trying to be nice), told her I wasn't interested in being her mom (this, I think is something I should only have to say to a 12 year old but - here we are), and that I only wanted to be her friend and acknowledging her having been the "woman" of the house since her mom left (this was a mistake on my BF's part because now she thinks she rules it).

Not 2 weeks later -- my BF and I are heading to the beach a half an hour away... as we are just arriving his phone rings and it's his ex-wife talking about SD is having a panic attack because we didn't invite her to the beach (he did, several times - not that I wanted her to come though)...he calls SD as we are pulling into a parking spot that we just paid $20 for.   I get out of the car to give him some privacy and after what seemed like an eternity and all of our beach gear is out of the car, he gets out of the car looking like he just survived a war.  He looked miserable. I knew the day was shot so I told him let's just go home so he can deal with the situation.

So he finally agrees and we put everything back in the car and drive 30 mins back home.  As we are turning down his street, he ex-wife is coming from the direction of his house.  We pull over and she tells that SD was having a breakdown and she has a laundry-list of shit about me that is upsetting her.

Luckily the ex-wife was on my side (or so she says, who knows).... I drop my BF at home and go to the local crappy beach to give them time to chat.  HOURS go by and no word so I say, fuck it and head home... apparently they talked (and he actually had the nerve to take her to the music store - which pissed me off)... 

So I got to hear the laundry list... Here's the shortened list:  a) I have a ton of Wonder Woman stuff (including a tattoo).  Wonder Woman is her and her mom's "thing" (waaaaaaahhhhh) - so she took down the one thing my BF put up in the house to make me feel at home - a framed WW painting... b) I leave hairs in the shower (how she can see them through all of HER hair she leaves in the shower is anyone's guess) c) I left the kitchen light on (Gasp!)... and other stupid, nonsensical bullshit.

So... after all that blows over... there were just other stupid passive aggressive crap going on... moving things I put somewhere... refusing to eat my food then bitching to her mother that there's no food in the house ... bitching that my cigarette smoke from OUTSIDE meandered through a window once despite me walking through clouds of skunk weed smoke in the house on nearly a daily basis...

Then she starts being really snappy and bitchy to her dad... I soon realize that all of this is because she had no boyfriend (shocking, I know) and she, god forbid, can't entertain herself... so she's taking it out on everyone around her (all of this reminds me of the many stories I heard about how cruel the ex-wife used to be - clearly that apple barely fell off that tree). 

Anyway, back to the bitchy... I was getting near the end of my tolerance for her treating her father that way when she FINALLY found a boyfriend.  All of a sudden she's cheery and friendly and OH SO sweet.  Whatever, I'll take it...

However, whenever he's busy (like this past weekend)... her passive aggressive bullshit resurfaces... So this weekend she a) invited her MOTHER over to walk the dogs b) rearranged shit in the kitchen again - moving stuff I put where I put it and c) after I cooked dinner and it was literally sitting there hot on the stove she immediately started cooking rice and made oodles of noodles (I made pasta with meat sauce).  I mean, that shit right there is such a slap in the face.

Anyway - In the spring he's putting his house on the market and we are either buying one together or renting until we find the house we want.  I highly doubt she is going to want to come with us but if she does -- SHE IS GOING TO SEE THE REAL ME.... no fucking way this is gonna fly in my house.  It didn't fly with my own kids, it damn sure isn't with someone else's.

Whew... that felt good to get out.  

Now I'm gonna go read what you guys are dealing with.