The crap continues
I posted a couple of months ago about moving from NY to Alabama to be with my boyfriend. At that time he had a 17 year old daughter who was living with him full time while her mother lived across town living her best life and not participating as a parent. A month in, my boyfriend accidentally found out his daughter was pregnant and miscarried the week before. He found out because she’s under his insurance and received an explanation of benefits. A couple of months later she graduated early(Dec.2018) but would not get a job. She would lay around all day and sleep & eat. The final straw was the day I got home from work only to find the mail still in the mailbox, the garbage can still by the side of the road and packages on the front step, but she was home all day. Aside from a lot of other crap I finally told my boyfriend that I could not live under the same roof as his daughter. The next day he sent her over to her mother’s house. This was his plan anyway once she turned 18 on March 4th since pretty much this would “satisfy” the requirements from the divorce decree.
Since then though, things have just gotten progressively worse with his daughter. She loves being at her mother’s because it’s a free for all and she praises her mom to the high heavens as being her rock despite my boyfriend sacrificing a lot for her. A month ago at 11:00 at night we hear a knock at the door, my boyfriend answers and it’s the sheriff. Earlier that day my boyfriends daughter had posted on Facebook she was going to the high school to shoot up everyone. After the sheriff left, my boyfriend called his daughter & ex-wife. The daughter tried to lie and when he told her the sheriff showed him a pic of the text she was so shocked they made a big deal of it. The ex-wife has a nerve to tell my boyfriend to calm down- they were unbothered by it all. 2 weeks ago we got a call from the ex-wife that my boyfriends daughter was accidentally shot in her hand by her boyfriend and to come to the hospital. The story the ex-wife & daughter gave makes no sense because it’s a lie. The ex-wife claimed she discovered the gun hidden in her closet when she was looking for something. When my boyfriend told his oldest son what happened he confessed weeks prior he had seen stuff on Snapchat with her & her boyfriend playing with the gun. 2 years ago she got shot in the foot with a BB gun by another boyfriend.
My boyfriends ex-wife is the mother who plays the friend. She will help the daughter hide stuff from her father or lie. The thing that annoys me is the minute that sh*t hits the fan they’re calling him and he goes running. I understand it’s his daughter and it’s not like I didn’t expect him not to go to the hospital, but I’m growing tired of his daughter’s shenanigans taking up time between us. This week he has an appt to take his daughter to get shots from some infection they discovered she had before giving her birth control and on Thursday he’s taking her to the orthopedic surgeon so they can determine if she needs surgery. Why isn’t the ex-wife taking her? 2 days after getting shot in the hand she turned 18. At this point I’m sick of the ex-wife who calls about stupid crap just because and the daughter who is nothing but a problem. Am I being unreasonable?
I can hear those banjos all
I can hear those banjos all the way on the other side of the country.
Unfortunately, you moved in with your bf at a transitional time that can be just awful for parents. Kids between the ages of 18 - 22 or so can be a huge pain in the butt. Legally they're adults, but they're still quite immature and their brains haven't finished developing so they say and do the dumbest things. They think they know everything and want respect, but make bad decisions and still expect their parents to bail them out.
You really need to stay detached and as far away from his baggage as possible. Don't get involved, don't express any opinions or interest, and just focus on maintaining a happy, peaceful home with lots of hot sex. Walk around naked, and in general teach your bf that life can be very good when he keeps his problems out of your relationship.
Your bf and his ex created this brat, and while he has obligations as a parent, you don't have to let their drama take up space in your head. Keep yourself busy outside the home, make new friends, and develop interests so you're not twiddling your thumbs brooding while he's helping his kid learn to adult (He is teaching her, isn't he?). You're free to enjoy life! You do have the right to ask your bf to put his phone away when you're together, and to protect you for the drama. Basically you need to train him that life without drama = good stuff, while allowing drama into your home = bad stuff.
Great advice
Lol @ hearing those banjos!!!! That was a good one - thank you for the laugh. It’s so hard to detach myself from the nonsense especially when I feel like a lot of this could be prevented if his daughter listened and if the mother set boundaries. I feel like it’s counterproductive bevsyse whatever he tells his daughter not to do she does anyway because the mother will accept it, lie for her or help keep it from her father. I can tell it’s taking a him emotionally, mentally and physically because he’s gained a ton of weight since the madness has begun. Granted I don’t have any children, but her issues seems bigger to me than the typical teen years stuff. Unfortunately from my end it has started to affect our relationship because I’m starting to see a pattern. I don’t have any children but I’m sure if the shoe was in the other foot he’d feel some type of way about me overinvesting my time in a young adult who is determined to do what they want regardless. I don’t understand why her & her mother cannot see whenever they do things their way it always blows up in their face.
It's a waste of time to wish
It's a waste of time to wish things were different or that the players would behave differently or that the dysfunction didn't exist. You have to deal with facts.
You've partnered up with a man who is part of a dysfunctional First Family dynamic. You can't change that, but you can change how you react to it. These are Other People's Problems, so don't allow them in your head or in your house!