SD claims she was robbed...again! A word about disengaging...
Husband informed me addcited SD, who is in a rehab apartment, was robbed "in her sleep". She claims they stole "all her credit cards". She has none. We tried to get her a secure card at age 35 to establish credit, but she didn't want to do so. She rented game systems for addicted BF and eneded up sellling the rented items for heroin money. So, I highly doubt she'll ever be able to obtain credit. Prior to gong to rehab, DH had given her 250.00 as a "loan". She claimed she was "robbed at gunpont". I have tried to explain to him that addicts are hightly manipulative. His response was: "but, she has been in rehab over a year, so she is no longer an addict". She has always been a master of manipulation. And, it sounds like she is back wth the same addicted BF. Her son is being cared for by another family. DH has tried to tell her that she needs to get a move on (she has a job now) and get her son back. The people caring for him are elderly. Our fear is she will get pregnant around the holidays as she did get pregnant while on heroin and miscarreid. She has a wharped sense of parenting and we fear the teen son will be ignored if she has another baby as she tends to use her son as a "meal ticket". She never was a good mother--basically laid on the couch when he was little and let all of us do the parenting. If he had any activities, it was us who provided them.
I have disengaged complelrtey. Told DH to call, visit, meet with his daughter and grandson anytime he wants.I do not want them in my home...ever. I will not particiapte in any visits or activities. Grandson has been taught by DH's ex-wife and my SD to hate me. We found all kinds of texts where grandson said awful, untrue things about me while conversing wth DHs ex. His ex encouraged him to say awful things about me, as did SD. It hurt me as I used ot have a wondeful relaionship with my grandson.
I don't deserve the chaos, the hurt or any of this manipualtion. I am a forgiving person. BUT, I have lived a life of hell with all of this.DH finds it unusual that I am sticking to this disengagement. I have to...for my own sanity and well-being. And, I am afraid of SD and her BF. Many people have said she has "crazy eyes" and acts very strangely. I lock my doors when I am home alone. Never did before. I am a very perceptiive person and am also in the psych field. When I sense danger, I am usually correct. Both of these individuals have complex psychiatric issues. BF appears to be a sociopath. And, yes, I am very afraid of him.
So, for those of you who disengage, it is the healthiest thing you can do for your own mental health. Thank you for letting me vent!
Venting + German Shepherd!
I think you also need a fierce guard dog!
I would maybe re-consider on
I would maybe re-consider on the grandson. He's been led astray and he's young and he's obviously had a crap life. Everyone else... the addict daughter? You don't need that in your life.
As for the money - it's gone. My son is only 11 now and it's hard for me to picture him as a heroin addict. But if he were, I'd still probably help him out from time to time. I'd not be able to resist.
Grandson hates me
He has made that very clear. We have provided rent, tons of money, paid in full for a car, and unfortunately grandson is a teen who expects DH to give him money or things everytime he takes him to a movie or a dinner.
You don’t help a recovering addict out from time to time. SD has been enabled her entire life to the tune of thousands and thousands of dollars, rent paid, appliances purchased, you name it. Late 30’s it’s time to cut the apron strings. Grandson feels entitled to “getting” material things and acting upset when he doesn’t get his way. He gets angry if, for instance, we don’t purchase everything on his Christmas list. Sadly, he has his mother’s value system.
"but, she has been in rehab
DH doesn't understand addiction. He needs to. If you and DH live close to SD's rehab place, DH should call and see if they have family meetings. If SD is truly clean, she should not object to DH attending a family meeting. Or he can look online and find a family Narconon meeting to attend. When DH spouts his she's not an addict if she's clean for a year nonsense, the people at the meeting will set him straight. If SD is actually clean, she is a recovering addict. Recovering will last the rest of her life. You are never again not an addict.
Unfortunately the rest of your post suggests relapse.
Damn. Your DH is thick. smh
Damn. Your DH is thick. smh
These people are all sick,
These people are all sick, together. It's a family dynamic, and sadly, your husband's grandson has been warped by the dysfunction and having an addict for a mother. The beat goes on.
These people are all doing a sick dance, together. You've chosen to disengage from the crazy, which is good because you're practicing self care and aren't sick. The last thing addicts and enablers want is boundaries, so your SO will likely continue to push and try to manipulate you to start dancing with them again. Don't discuss, don't fight about his people, and don't allow him to draw you back into the dance. It's okay to say you're not ready to talk about it. Keep fading back from all things related to your SO's relatives. As you gain clarity, you'll know whether you want to stay with your SO.
You are in a sinking boat. 1.
You are in a sinking boat. 1. what proof does dh have that sd reported her AGAIN robbery to police....I bet she did not.
Nothing will change until all family cuts her off. I would make her get a hair folical---and dh can pay for it. THAT would prove a lot.
I dont know how you can stand this Bethany I would say SEE YA!! There is no way I would spend the rest of my life in such a mess.
In our house if your using or think you can use...YOUR not welcome in our home. Dont ask us to bail you out, dont ask for lawyers fees. Heck we find out....we are cutting YOU off.
My husband and I have been thru enough with bm and her kids. We are done.
My parents would have called
My parents would have called the police on us if we were using. I think that it should be a law that parents inform the authorities of illegal drug and alcohol use by anyone in their home.
No coddling, just apply the consequences and let the user feel the discomfort of their choices and deal with the legal fall out.