No call, no card..nothing
One stepdaughter is a heroin addict and is in rehab. Biomom blamed my husband and me as she sent this daughter to us at age 14 and never came back. Was totally uninvolved in her life. This young lady is in her late 30's and worked a a nurse. She was fired. However, she and her sister and mother blame me! Yes, I don't even work in the facility in which she worked. I've been told by BM that I kept my husband from his children all these years. I took them on vacations and always encouraged him to visit them when they were little and I still do. However, I was also blamed for "taking their father away". Of note, BM married the next day after their divorce decree was final. I had nothing to do with their divorce.
The hate and screaming phone calls Ive received are just awful. I'm a good person. So, I blocked BM from husband's phone and he agreed. Older SD was angry at this and totally ignored us at Christmas. This is the same SD who I invited to our vacation house to spend a week with her kids. After the vacation, she and each kid wrote a personal letter, addressed to "grandpa" but no mention of me was made. And, I was the one who initiated the invitation.
So, I am now totally disengaging. The addicted SD's son now hates me as BM told him I was evil. I just can't win.
Sad.
Eliminate all the trash from
Eliminate all the trash from your life.
Bethany I am sorry you are
Bethany I am sorry you are hurt by the actions of addicts in your life AND by the actions and words of BM.
You have a choice. Keep trying to have a relationship with persons who are not interested OR live YOUR life as abundantly as humanly possible. Filled with JOY, excitement, enthusiasm and peaceful experiences.
There is nothing wrong with living your life joyfully. There is nothing wrong with actually being happy in spite of the decisions dh's kids have made. Addiction IS a decision they made, not yours not dh's.
*A woman and her husband at our parish had an adult son who landed himself in jail AGAIN. It did not take long for word to get around. Well, some of the folks pitched a FIT that mom and dad would not bail him out 'again' and mom and dad totally turned away from their son by cutting ties with him in every possible way.
Our priest actually gently scolded anyone who wagged their fingers at this mom and dad. The Priest told everyone mom and dad have done the right thing.
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It is sad op, very sad. Don't make it your only journey. GO LIVE your life and be happy like we are all designed to. Give back, be gracious and kind. BUT not a door mat. And never ever allow yourself to be used by anyone....dh's kids and all relatives included.
Next time you answer the
Next time you answer the phone and a kid screams at you hang UP and block the number.
After so many years, you know
After so many years, you know who these people are and what to expect and it's not good. Unless you change something, this is how it's going to be. So good for you for changing the dynamic.
When I disengaged, I felt a sense of failure: "How could I not win over SD when I tried so hard? Am I really that awful? I must be." It's hard not to let it get inside your head and make you nuts. Ignore those nagging thoughts. As soon as one enters your mind, shove it out. If you're disengaging, really disengage.
I also have been ignored by my SD in her thank you notes, holiday cards and gift giving, even though I used to drag home gifts for her from all over the world. As soon as you stop putting out effort for the skids, they stop having control over you. The fact is, they don't want to play ball with you, but as long as you keep pitching the ball out to them, the fact that they don't throw it back will control your moods and make you indignant. The first control you can take, the first time you get to call the shots in the relationship is when you stop throwing that ball.
You're on the right track. Disengaging presents some new issues, but for some of us, it's such a relief. I hope it works for you. You've really taken enough from those people. Get your life back in your control and you won't give a fig about them after a while.
Gosh, it's so much easier to
Gosh, it's so much easier to project all your stuff onto someone "bad" and refuse to take responsibility for your issues. Essentially, you have been scapegoated. Avoid any further contact with any of these people is my advice.
I can only imagine the
I can only imagine the horrible things that SS32 and his GF say about me since I have banned them from my life. I so do not care what the trashholes are doing or saying. I have so many wonderful people in my life who actually care about me.