How am I to talk with my teenage step-daughter?
I've been a step-dad for eight years but last year (when she turned 14) our relationship went negative and she push back so hard that I disengaged. Two months ago I made a big change to change our relationship and it has been moving in a positive direction. I am giving her the attention she needs and she is responding in a positive direction. I made a few mistakes in the last few weeks about interrupting too many times so I took more of a back seat.
The problem is, she has told me that I have to make the first steps in conversations...she won't. She also mentioned that she likes us talking but I came to her too many times. So, now I am in a position in which I am scared to talk to her. Wimping out! The problem is, she is going through a series of problems that I know about and she won't talk to her mom (my wife) or her bio-dad (who is an XXX and doesn't really care about her).
I know she listens to me and does the right thing. I'm just not sure how to talk to her about some of the problems she is having without her telling me where to go, without bugging her, and more importantly...getting her full attention. Any help will be appreciated. I'm a little lost and confused.
Thoughts, help, suggestions, etc. would be awesome!
Teens
Man at her age it gets harder. She's right and EVERYONE IS WRONG.
It's a timeline that a parent has to endure and learn to pick the right battles.
She seems to have a connection with you that matters.
Maybe just let her know that you will listen to her about anything.
Your lucky to have the relationship at the level it is.
She has to understand that when a child comes to the table with a situation listening on both sides is necessary.
Try and be breif in response and direct.
Prove that you are trying to slip her shoes on and making a effort to see thing from her veiw. Keeping in mind that most of their problems are so small but large to them
my dh
addresses my kids with some humor. He maintains a relaxed and easy attitude and jokes around with them about high school and tells them stories about the crazy stuff he did when he was younger. We have maintained an open continuous approach about heavier topics such as sex, drugs, drinking and outcomes which has helped to have heavy conversations with a little humor thrown in at times. It makes it a lot easier when it's time to have a serious conversation and he's great about placing himself in their shoes and saying stuff like" i can understand why you felt you had to do X" . I'm not as great about it, but i am slowly learning to mimic some of his techniques. We try to make dinner a time when we ask "so what drama happened at school today" and each kid seems to look forward to telling their version of school craziness.we don't judge during these stories we respond with amazement. I also learned sometimes that it's easier to have serious conversations while working on a physical project like building something. It kind of makes them more relaxed and then they don't have to make eye contact while talking about it.