Not invited
My SO is off with his two sons visiting his mother in a touristy part of the country. I was deliberately NOT invited or rather my son was deliberately not invited because my partner's mother's husband (his SF) doesn't like children and they didn't want my son there (BS11). It's not about his behaviour as he is no worse than SSs - she has only met him once and he was on good behaviour. My SO says that her husband is a grumpy sod and he doesn't feel welcome there either. I saw the email where his mother said she didn't think it would be good for my son to come because of her husband.
I honestly do feel a bit miffed.
On the other hand, Im spending time with my son and that's good. And it's the start of his sports tomorrow which I don't want to miss and back to school shopping, etc etc. I don't want my son to be where he is not welcome. And I do understand that she wants to see her own grandkids as she doesn't see them very often (and frankly I'm not sure how kid friendly she is either). And she had also considered offering us their place for ALL of us - but when they weren't there (the dates didn't work out).
I don't want to let this affect my relationship with my future MIL - she has been nice to me and told me that it was so nice to see her son happy again. I mean she's miles above my last MIL, but still... I have a lingering feeling.
- elkclan's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Deliberately not inviting the
Deliberately not inviting the spouse of another person on vacation, to an event, etc. is just plain disrespectful. Not sure if you wanted to go or talked to your SO about it; but how would your SO feel if you left him behind and he was purposely excluded by your family?
I wasn’t invited on a
I wasn’t invited on a vacation too so I took DD on a vacation and they got so jealous. They are being rude to you.
Would you have left your son
Would you have left your son behind and gone with just your SO and his children?
I find it interesting that the email only mentions leaving your son behind. That leads me to think that MIL would not have objected to you accompanying your SO.
I also think MIL may be using her husband as the scapegoat in all of this. It's possible she wanted a visit with those she views ad her family( her grandkids, son and his future wife). Like many SMs, she may not see the stepchild (your son) as part of her family.
yes - that's what I think,
yes - that's what I think, that's what worries me. I had my son for half the summer - so there were chunks that he wasn't around and I probably would have gone if it happened to be when he was with his dad. My family wouldn't do this. My mom has talked about paying for me and my son to visit - we live in another country, I think that's different. But she wouldn't organise a short trip and not include everyone - and my mom's pretty awful.
SO has independently complained about his mother's husband on a number of occasions before this happened and has felt that his children aren't very welcome there and that he's barely welcome - and he's the kind of house guest you want - he cleans up, he self-entertains or is sociable if required.
I will talk to SO and tell him it makes me a bit uneasy.
Consider it a break
MIL wants just her bio family there and maybe SF is older and a handful. Do things together without them.
I have seen the other side of this. My DDs STBX and his homewrecking GF have 4 kids between them... DD and STBX son, HWGF 2 kids and a baby who may or may not be STBXs (still waiting for DNA confirmation apparently). STBXs parents are retired and will take the kids after school. Every so often MIL just wants to spend time with DDs son her bio grandson. STBX and HWGF pitch a fit and yell and scream at her because she should take all the kids and love them like they are all her grandchildren. MIL cries to my DD that she doesn't know these other kids very well (1 yr - kids are 11 and 5) and not very fond of them.I feel sorry that she is being forced to take all or nothing.
I think grouchy SF/GSF is excusable to family but an embarrassment to anyone else.
She very likely spared your
She very likely spared your son from her obnoxious husband. She was honest about it.
I can't imagine being married to an *sshole, but she sounds as if she is and she acknowledges it. I suppose her own grandkids get no choice in the matter and have to tolerate the old goat... be glad she was upfront and her seemingly slight of your son wasn't personal on her part.
If she sees her own grandkids seldom as it is, there is likely a reason behind that ( aka , her husband).
Perhaps let her know that she ( not necessarily her husband) are welcome to come your way and visit at anytime.
And don't forget, since SO and his kids get a vacation get-away minus you and your son, that turn about is fair game. Feel perfectly free to plan and schedule a mother/son get-away occasionally. And the best part about the mom/son get-away? It won't have to include ill behaved skids nor grumpy old goats!
My friend has a step father
My friend has a step father like this. They try not to bring kids or really limit time as he doesn't like kids. Often she sees her mother alone.
I would take it at face value for now, unless you are constantly not invited or your son is always excluded. Some compromise as time goes on would be needed from MIL.
I'm going to throw out the
I'm going to throw out the possibility that your son isn't as well behaved as you think. Or, his behavior runs afoul of what MIL finds appropriate. It isn't about whether your son is better or worse thans SSs; it's about her ability to tolerate behaviors from non-bio related kids. Just like how parents can tolerate worse behavior from their own kids than a SP can with those same kids.
I wouldn't take it as an insult. I would just accept it for what it is. It's fine if you find it hurtful, but I wouldn't hold it over her head or anything. Your son isn't her family, and she isn't obligated to include him in her family gatherings. She would would have likely extended an invite to you as a courtesy to her son.
Unless she is, in front of your son, purposefully excluding him, I would let it go.
You do know that every time
You do know that every time you say stuff like that it's insulting to me and to my child. Insulting to me by assuming I'm clueless about my son. Insulting to my child as well. I think your comments are well intentioned so please take this as a well intentioned comment too. The way you put it is rude and unhelpful. I get what you're trying to say from the second sentence and I agree with that point.
My child is not your YSS. OK.
Are they staying at their
Are they staying at their house? If they are, I understand why you were not invited. I would not be thrilled about having a stranger stay with us.
Take a trip with your son. Enjoy the start of the year.
They used to run a bed and
They used to run a bed and breakfast...
It always hurts when someone
It always hurts when someone sees us or our kids as anything less than good company but take it for what it is-a sure sign of separation in the sand. Enjoy your one-on-one time with your boy. You have to consider the fact that your MIL loves her grandsons and her SO has no other choice but to accept them (because MIL says so I am sure) however, your son does not fall under that "blood ties" umbrella. It is unfortunate but not unheard of, there are plenty steps here who's parent's don't recognize their skids or their stepgrands because there is no blood ties.