I need opinions/advice about my MIL, update on Navy boy, and really H - where are your priorities??  Trust me, they all tie in together....

So, my MIL and I are very different people.  I can't say anything negative about her really but she and I are almost polar opposites in the way we think, act and speak.  She is not someone I look forward to spending time with.  I don't have any strong negative feelings toward her, but she annoys me in more ways than I can count.  Hope that establishes where I am with her.  She watches the 2 girls H and I have in common, I have to stress, at her request.  I let my daycare situation go after months of pressure from H and MIL.  MIL lives with BIL in his house.  BIL and MIL have a very dysfunctional relationship but it is not my business (or it wouldn't be if MIL would stop complaining to me), goes back to the beginning of time, and BIL isn't exactly my cup of tea either.  Yesterday I call H and ask him to grab a few things from the grocery store on his way home.  He is delayed and when he gets home he tells me he ran into BIL at the store and they talked for a half hour.  BIL is apparently "done" with MIL living with them, he says she is mean to his kids (I know for a fact that MIL singles out one of BIL's kids and badmouths her constantly, to her face, denies her things the other kids get, etc).  I have repeatedly told MIL how I feel about how she treats this girl.  BIL also says MIL does not contribute financially to the house (I know that she does - though I do not know what their agreement is - and she also watches his kids, his soon to be ex step kid, cooks and cleans).  It is safe to say that when MIL and BIL tell the same story, the truth lies somewhere in between.  H then matter-of-factly says that BIL said that MIL is also mean to our girls, pulls them by the arms and yells at them.  He may have said more.  My mom-vision started to go red and then black with rage.  Our girls are 4 yrs old and 20 months old.  They weigh 36lbs and 28lbs.  I do know that my 4 yr old has often told me that her grandmother yells at them a lot.  I also know that both of my kids can be a handful.  I sat on the edge of my seat, ready for H to start talking about what was going to go down, given this information but....

My last blog was that H's son would not be completing bootcamp.  Turns out his wittle leg hurt.  Over a decade of PlayStation fueled sedentary lifestyle followed by 6 days of bootcamp will probably do that to you.  He has been cleared medically, there is nothing wrong with his leg and they were all set to send him back in to the routine when he got a wittle cold and is having "really bad headaches".  That bought him another medical day and he is back to training today (unless he comes up with something else).  

...This is what H starts talking about after telling me BIL said MIL has pulled my toddlers around by the arms and yells at them.  At my damn dinner table I have to listen to how BM called H today and spawn is doing this and spawn said that.  BM was all upset but H told BM she has to be strong for spawn.  H told spawn he has to decide to be a man and work hard to accomplish this.  Blah blah BM.  Blah blah blah spawn.  I let it go on for a bit while I sat listening silently for a minute before asking H what he though about what BIL said about MIL about the girls.  He dismissed it as BIL dislikes MIL and has his own issues.  H is the same person who has told me countless times about how MIL is so permissive as a grandmother, but used to hit him and his brother with belts frequently when they were children.  

I'm so pissed off... pissed at MIL if any of this is at all true.  I do not get physical with my kids and she knows this would not be ok with me.  I am also not a yeller.  My kids respond terribly to yelling.  Pissed at BIL that if it is true that he has never said a word to me about it when he sees me almost every day picking up or dropping off the girls.  Pissed at H for dismissive and nonchalantly bringing up that our toddler girls might be being mistreated (by our standards) and then delving into great concerned detail about poor little adult spawn, who is so big and brave and honorable to have joined the Navy, has a wittle headache and his leg hurts... 

I dropped the girls off this morning and my 4 year old clung to me like crazy, crying and carrying on.  She does it from time to time when I leave her with MIL... but my mind is racing at work.  Part of me wants to pull aside the preteen child of BIL's that MIL has singled out for poor treatment and ask her about MIL and my kids - she is around a lot when MIL has my kids.  The other part of me knows not to rope her into it, she is a child and this is an adult matter.  My 20 month old is not old enough to give account and my 4 yr old is very dramatic and I don't know how much weight to put into her account either.... Help.