Child Support Order. So here it is
I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, and BM has been threatening this the entire time, so it has always been a cloud over our heads. It is so ridiculous and unfair and stupid, but we havent exactly been diligent in hiding our happiness. And she is a VERY jealous woman. She hates that we got married, she hates that her children are ok with me, and Munchkin loves me and is happy for us, that we have an active social life, she hates all of it and is going for more blood.
So here is our story, any advice is appreciated. Court date is August 30th, so we have a little time to prepare, and the due date for response is this coming Friday August 17.
BM filed paperwork for Child Support, July 27th, and DH was served last Friday August 10th. She is asking the courts to award $500. She is saying per the paperwork that "CLove takes MY daughter shopping with DH's money, CLove does not work, and SHE, the BM wants to be the one taking Munchkin SD12 shopping for her clothing, bras and panties." This is FALSE. I take Munchkin out with MY money, and have been working the entire time I am with SO, now DH. I used two months of unemplyment time to provide childcare while the two bio parents were working. I used my severance money for a fun trip, with Munchkin. I used my birthday money to buy her painting supplies. I used our wedding present money to do back to school shopping for munchkin. Her paperwork is less about child support and more about difference in lifestyles. She even claimed DH has a gym membersip (FALSE, I do, and he is NOT on it, and I pay with my money)
She is claiming in her paperwork that DH "begged her not to go for child support, because it would cause hardship and we would lose the house and Munchkin and Feral Eldest would lose their childhood home, but since then we have been partying ever other night and taking Munchkin out to dinner and meals all the time, while she only has ramen and eggs and water!!!!" The truth here is at the time we were supporting Feral Eldest and Munchkin. Now its just Munchkin. We have an offer to buy the house from the owner, so our rent becomes a mortgage, which will be even higher. We go out, to free events and a few concerts here and there. She CHOOSES not to go out, but stay home and text her men, and drink and smoke pot. The BM is obese and munchkin is chunky. There is no starvation. There is always food, including CAKE and COOKiES.
She claims that now there is a "change in circumstances" for her, because her boyfriend has moved out. The truth in this change in circumstances is that her hertofore homeless-living-in-a-trailer-got dui-trailor-towed sister has moved into her dirty, trashfilled grungy little 2 bedroom apartment, taking over her daughters room, and the sister and EXBOYFRIEND do NOT get along. He had been paying cell phone and car insurance and helping with money for bills and food. So, to an extent there has been a change. Sister is renting the room out and helping with bills and food, exboyfriend doesnt want the car they bought together, and isnt making payments. Munchkin sleeps on the couch. At our house she has her own room, her own bed and her own furnishings. The kicker is, that she is COMPLAINING about all I have done for HER daughter.
I heard something a week before paperwork, and it chilled me, when exboyfriend told us that she wants the money we spend on Munchkin for HER, so SHE could do things for and with her daughter. Truth is, I gave her free tickets to an airshow, they didnt see any exhibits and left after an hour, she has time with kiddo, but spends it on her phone texting her dudes, and sharing stories of them with Munchkin SD12. She rarely spends quality time with her. Munchkin has cried about it. So, if she gets more money, its likely she wont spend it on kiddo.
I am reading up on child suport processes, how it works, playing around with the calculator. I just feel like I was so stupid, and feel punished for doing good things for a child, I thought I was helping. I did not save receipts, nor did I docment any extra dates. What a tool. SO insisted this would not happen. He is confident that it will be thrown out due to all the false claims, Her change in circumstance is based on a boyfriend that she did not mention in divorce process.
Please help.
Some good info
I just replied on your previous blog about some great info that might be very useful to you... IM me if you want to discuss.
will do.
Thanks.
She can claim anything she
She can claim anything she likes. Boyfriend in or out of home should not effect CS. CS is typically cut and dry. Find your calculator online and plug in numbers. I would definitely keep the paying with your money - quiet. The court does not typically consider your income - do not give them a reason too.
Lawyer consult
Im going to have DH consult with lawyer. I did plug in some numbers to get the rough draft - it is showing money owed. They cannot consider my income as I have been unemployed for 2 months. BUt I do see where less information is more. NO information from me is needed at all, and it is simply the time that is spent with child and incomes. But what about her lies as to her income? Her numbers just do not make any sense and do not add up at all. How can she be even existing on the numbers she pulled out of her butt. And what about the fact that we do transport to and from school daily for past 5 plus years. Pay all back to school expenses. all cell phone expenses. I do not see anything in that darn calculator!!!!
Those types of things aren't
Those types of things aren't included in the calculator for my state, either. It's number of children, income and parenting time. BUT going forward, if BM is receiving CS from you, she'll have more money to spend on those things. (Which, of course, does not mean she will).
Are her income numbers just ones she threw out there, or did she supply tax returns? I would think that she'll need to provide pay stubs and tax returns in court.
She filed a handwritten form
and I did not see tax return or pay stub included. I wonder why they even have these forms at all if there is no proof and these are just written down numbers, guestimations! These are just numbers she threw out there. I dont know what to expect for DH in court. How does that work, and how does he need to respond before court, and during court.
Thats why I am adamant about consulting an attorney right away, someone who KNOWS the system and can give us solid what to expect and what do we need advice.
While the calculator does not
While the calculator does not allow for SParent income ... the Judge will most likely require your income and tax information. This is not to go after your income for CS calculation but to consider if it qualifies the opposition for an income reduction credit. It is my understanding that this usually applies to the income of the spouse of the CP and not necessarily to the spouse of the NCP.
In our case the SpermIdiot received a $1000/mo reduction in his income for CS calculation purposes since as the idiot in the black robe said "StepDad makes a high income and (BioDad) should not be penalized by having to overly contribute to an artificially elevated standard of living for the child."
Good luck.
Our court date is 8/30
Do I need to bring it wilth me? Or should I wait until expressly ordered by the judge? I told DH he will need to bring it, and he seemed surprised. I know this from reading here, and really really want him to consult with an attorney, for guidance on the basics and also strategy. What we can expect stepping into the courtroom. He is in opposition to this idea. His idea is to "give it up to God, and let it fall out". So frustrating. I will research on my own.
I know this isn't what you're
I know this isn't what you're asking nor is it helpful at all in what it is you're asking, but BM appears to have written a paper stating why Dad and Clove should probably have full residential with BM having EOWE visitation. Sounds like this evil lady listed as Clove and the father has provided a stable happy home for the child.
Isn't this the BM who is either drunk on the floor or sometimes still sober enough to beat on her oldest kid and BF? I vaguely recall something about BM taking the oldest kid out shoplifting.
Has you DH thought of going for full custody?
Your memory serves you mostly correct!
- Winona SD19 DID get busted shoplifting a few januaries ago, while shopping with Toxic HC GU BM, but BM claims innocent of knowledge of any wrong doing.
- This is indeed the same person who rolled out of a moving car drunk, and blaming bf for bruises after she woke up the next day, the same person who has pooed, puked and peed herself while drunk, in front of children.
- this is ALSO the very same person who beat her eldest while the youngest was there.
I ask myself and DH the very same thing. He maintains that she would NEVER do that to the younger one, who is afraid of her, and that a "child needs their mother".
However, NOW he is listening to me as to consideration of actually going for full custody with EOW, now that she is continuing to attack.
Re-read your sentence that I
Re-read your sentence that I have quoted below..... YOUR DH IS AN IDIOT!!!!! BM beat the elder kid, she likely is beating the younger one and she is a POS regardless. No kid needs a POS in their lives regardless of who that POS is.
"I ask myself and DH the very same thing. He maintains that she would NEVER do that to the younger one, who is afraid of her, and that a "child needs their mother"."
Really?
BM is a toxic sludge
And DH is a very simple hardworking man. I do have to wonder at what made him stay after he realized what a POS she really is (the skids), and why he married her in the first place (the skids). He has to work so hard to "keep the peace", jump through hoops. He is not a complex creature, he never went to college like I did, and many times I have wondered what keeps us together. But, I agree to my core that BM will eventually lose it on Munchkin SD12. Its unlikely as Munchkin is a people pleaser type more like her father. Her sister, is identical in personality to her mother, and thats probably what caused the altercation. But who the heck cares about LIKELIHOOD.
I would love to see us get full custody. Unfortuately its out of my hands. Its his decision. And now that she is 12, perhaps she can have a say in things as well.
Ye Olde
"the BM would NEVER do thaaaaaaat" and "give the BM the benefit of the doubt" or "we'll take the high road" (as the HCGUBM pushes Biodad and SM off the end of a cliff)
(TM)
I know this isn't what you're
That is exactly how it read to me too.
Has there been CPS case against BM?
If there has might be helpful to provide those/ that info to the court. ( in my experience CPS visits both houses).
As far as your info goes it sounds to me like munchkin will now be taken out to steal for BM and that's why BM wants to "take her shopping".
The rest sounds like the courts will award you custody. I would consult a lawyer just in case.
Nope. No CPS involvement
Thats the kicker, is that things get worse and worse for Munchkin SD12. And she has cried over things that her mother does/doesnt do. Her Auntie took over her room, gets drunk all the time and the ex boyfriend (who peed on the bedroom door at news years eve) in front of Munchkin, he still comes around. But not when she is there. Mom keeps texting all her different boyfriends and enjoys telling her daughter all about them (including photos from facebook).
All this history WOULD be CPS and we should have had FULL custody before now.
DH wants to keep the status quo. This would mean a major shift, to file for full custody - he works slowly and then strikes quicly after the buildup. Im just worried that Munchkin will turn into a monster like her sister, and learn all the bad stuff. Be carbon copy of mother. Winona actually has gone no contact, and is working and independent. Asks for nothing from anyone.
I want to consult a lawyer, and will, but it will be on my own, because DH thinks he has this wrapped up on his own.
What you do in your home with
What you do in your home with your SKid is irrelevent to CS. CS is based on a formula that considers parenting time, each BioParent's income and how many non joint children each of the BioParents have.
Your state uses one of three CS models. The Income Shares model, the % of Income Model or the Melson Model.
Google your State's online CS calculator and run scenerios of what the CS will likely be based on the named variables in the calculator. BM can bitch and moan all she wants but the calculator will generally determine the outcome. If she has no income then your DH needs to request that an imputed income be applied to BM regarding the CS calculations.
Go prepared, document, document, document.... call for a wellness check on her home and get CPS involved so that you can present an official report of the disgusting living conditions at BM's home.
I caution you not to get overconfident as I have never left a family court hearing feeling anything other than anger and the need to take a steaming hot shower to wash the sleeze off of my body. Even when we won, and we always won, I had the same feeling.
Your income should make no different in the CS award.
Go ... good luck.
Exactly- she can say whatever
Exactly- she can say whatever she wants, claim you take SD shopping with DH’s money all she wants (not sure what she is hoping to prove with that one- it shows you take care of her kid). None of that matters. It all comes down to a formula, and her nonsense lies make no difference. BM tried to pull that crap on my SO, when it came to child support, and custody. Stupid accusations and lies- no one even listened to her, CS ended up being what it is despite what she said. Don’t worry about her.
You may have to pay, just because of the way they calculate CS out, but it won’t be because of the stupid crap she says. Honestly, she sounds like an idiot.
BM is indeed an idiot
Plus very lazy, mean, rude, ill-tempered and dirty. Gross. Trailer trashy gross. And she likes trying to push buttons to see which ones will work, to get reactions, to make people feel bad, however she can. I will need to get DH on the calculator with me, So he can understand that he cannot take for granted the fact that she wont get child support because of 50/50 custody.
As long as you're okay with
As long as you're okay with it. If living conditions are so bad there. Go for custody of SD... There BM, now you don't have all the extra child expenses, AND SD gets to live somewhere better....
We have
discussed it. Now that BM's once-homeless sister is lving in the extra bedroom, there is no room for Munchkin SD12. She sleeps on the couch. I think that would be a great idea.