Wondering if spouse's mother contributed to his divorce.
It has crossed my mind lately if my husbands mother has contributed to his divorce and other problems in his life, such as lack of parenting with his kids. The reason I say this is because
1. He's a mama's boy. If I am not with him, 90% of the time he is with his mom, either at her house having dinner, going to dinner or lunch with her or she's over at our house visiting him and the skids. He spends a lot of time with his mother.
2. He tachnically works for her at the company that she's running, although many do not know and are unaware that is his mother who is in charge.
3. They talk on the phone 6-10 times a day sometimes even late at night.
4. He has pretty much copied all of her opinions about people and all of her political beliefs and if he attempts to disagree with her she will undermine him and shut him out.
5. His sister is also divorced and she moved back in with mom after her divorce. She is nearly 40 and has been living with mom for over 7 years now and has no plans on moving out. His sister's relationship history is full of failed relationships.
6. His mother spoils the skids and critisizes me and my husband if we tell them no or are stricter with them. She undermines my parenting constantly.
7. Whenever we take a family vacation mom always comes along with us.
Im wondeirng if his mothers presence has contributed to his previous failed marriage and caused problems in his relationships with others. What do you think?
Probably yes.
Given your list, I can only assume it's negatively affecting yours as well.
He is definitely sounds like
He is definitely sounds like a mama's boy and, yes, that can cause problems in a relationship.
A friend of mine is going through a divorce because her husband is a big 'ol mama's boy AND an only child. He would not contribute in the raising of their children or anything else, really. He provided financially but that is not all there is to being a partner in a marriage. She finally got fed up, figuring if she was going to do it by herself, she might as well be single.
She admits to seeing some red flags early on, but figured he would step up when they married and had children. Nope.
Talking on the phone 6-10 times a day is, I don't even know what that is! A heavy dose of co-dependency, I guess. She goes on EVERY family vacation with you? Ridiculous.
Sounds like he is getting all of his needs met, except sex, from his mother. Not healthy.
I suppose if he works with
I suppose if he works with her that might explain the speaking on the phone 6-10 times a day, but going on holiday with? that's sad. Undermining your parenting is also a big red flag. My elder daughter's marriage ended partly because her parents in law were too interfering. I recently went no contact on my MIL because she is such a b!tch.
My MIL did
I suspect my MIL contributed, but in a completely different way. She was manipulative and belittling of DH throughout his childhood, so he didn’t realize how bad BM’s behavior (emotional abuse, manipulation, histrionics) was until years after the divorce. MIL also told DH that he was at an age where it was time for him to get married. He was 26 at the time and had only been dating BM for about six months and proposed shortly thereafter.
MIL has also not moved on from DH’s divorce. She told him that when she found out he was getting a divorce it was the “worst day of her life” - apparently worse than when DH’s father died unexpectedly in a car crash. She has also told DH several times that he’s a “terrible father”, that he’s “abandoning his children”, etc.
MIL had a stepmother (married to her father after her mother died, so MIL was in her 30s at the time) whom she hated, so I periodically get to hear about that.
Being married to a divorced man has shown me lots of insights into family dynamics - particularly his family dynamics.