I am still familiarizing myself with all the codes that are used on here, but I think I can get by, please bear with. There is backstory, of course, I'll try to keep it sparse!

I have been in a committed relationship with a man I consider the love of my life for 4.5 years. He is in his mid 40's and I am 9 years younger than him. His best friend is married to my best friend, and I knew about him long before I met him, at their wedding. I knew he had a psychotic BM and two daughters from what I was told. Flash forward a few years, we connect again, but I lived on the west coast, and he on the east. We started talking on the phone, and the next thing I knew, he was asking me to come visit him there. We had a whirlwind week, fell very much in love, and 8 months later, I moved to the east coast.

Now here is where it gets complicated. His 21 yro 'step' daughter was living in the house with him, literally three feet from our bedroom. I shortly found out that both daughters were actually not his kids, nor was he married to the ex, but he actively considers them "his". They were together for 8 years, but had been split up for 7years when we started dating. In fact, I was the first suitor that wasn't actively scared away by the BM after a few dates. (I had also had a scary run in with her years before I dated her ex) She lived 2 blocks away with the 16 year old daughter and current partner and was still actively stalking my partner. Both blood fathers are in the girls live's as well. I will admit this new info took me aback, but I was somewhat relieved, because deep down I still hope for the chance of having my own family.

I had been in two long term relationships with children involved before, which were great experiences. I got along with them,(and their mother's too, come to think of it) and felt extreme loss regarding them when the relationships ended. I came into this relationship being excited for finally having 'girls' I could probably be a mentor to, and enjoy spending time with. I even brought them a huge suitcase of rad clothes. But no, this would not be the case. It didn't take long for me to realize that something was off. The 21 yro woman living in my new home was obviously a junkie and a thief and was taking advantage of the man she claimed was just her 'evil landlord' (my partner) on social media. She was a ghost during the day, and stayed out all night, or brought strangers into our home while we were sleeping, didn't contribute anything to the household, and stole anything that wasn't nailed down at night, including our food and alcohol. She was def using heroin on a regular basis. Her and I were soon butting heads over my disapearing beauty products, clothes, and her continual raiding of my partner's cash stash. Apparently this had been happening for years, and her junkie best friend was also staying in(wrecking) our basement apartment and had let herself move in while my partner was out of town on business for 6 months. She owed my partner 6 months in rent and he didn't have the heart to kick her out. I convinced him to kick out the best friend, which wasn't easy, and she finally left after two months, but abandoned several cats in out basement and left 6000 dollars worth of damage. I personally scrubbed the cocaine and heroin smoke stains off all the walls and bagged up all the cat urine soaked garbage left behind. In fact, SD let BM in the house in the middle of the night and they ripped open all the trash looking for the "friend's things she was too scared to come get." The best friend moved two blocks away into BM's house. So I was quickly becoming The Wicked Witch of the West.

4 months later my partner is desperate to get the junkie SD out of the house too- then there was an incident. SD would refuse to shut the gate behind her at night, so my aged dog got out and was missing. I knocked on her door, literally sobbing to tell her what had happened and to ask if she could help me look for the dog since she left the gate open. She denied it, blew up, screamed at me and slammed the door in my face. I called my partner and he finally kicked her out, but she claimed I openly abused her and was screaming, etc. I did not. She told her mom, who ended up at our house screaming in her bathrobe. Not cute.

SD finally moved out, down the street and into her mom's place(and got clean and got a job-yay!)- and this is only the beginning of the story. BM and I are variably in a similar event production industry and this city is quite incestuous, so I ended up having to work around her on gigs. She made my life a living HELL. She had all her friends who hate my partner haze me.(Sidenote, my partner had to leave the same industry and start over due to her being on every gig)  She would regularly come up to where I was taking a break with my crew or talking to a supervisor and just start screaming at me. Things like, "YOUR BOYFRIEND GAVE ME HERPES!" or "WE DON'T WORK WITH HOMEWRECKERS!!"  "I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS!!!!" It was humiliating, and my partner did absolutely nothing about it because he'd already been dealing with it for so long with other hopeful girlfriends and wasn't willing to get into it with her about it. In fact he told me if she ever showed up at the house, just call the cops.

While all this was progressing, there was also trouble brewing with the SD16 whom had been unseated as my partner's priority(later known to me to be financial jealousy). My partner worships the younger daughter, whom is strikingly different than the older 'junkie' SD. Younger SD is smart, manipulative, and a brilliant pathological liar. She has her sweet lolita talking to daddy voice, and the voice she reserves for me when he is not within earshot, and it was never any different. She has worked hand in hand with my partner's younger adopted brother(24yro sociopath) to alienate Us from everyone that my partner cares about, especially his mother. Little brother is a different story all together, but because of his age and situation, I consider him to be one of these 'Step Step' kids because he was raised like a brother to the girls by my partner's mother(and he still lives in the corner of her bedroom in a 1 bedroom apt). He decided he hated me right away(& I thought we were getting along great, stupid me, but he was falsely befriending me for information), was making plans with the SD's to try to get rid of me, spreading rumors intending to hurt me, my partner, and my reputation- which eventually led to him threatening to maim or kill me(mostly to my MIL), or burn down our house, etc...

Fast forward a few years and a ton of undeserved drama later, there seems to be a huge wedge in my relationship over these two SD's. Even though I know my partner was there and knows all this hate is unjustified and would be directed at any woman he could be with, he definitely blames me for the lessening of their relationship. My partner keeps all interactions with them secret, he sees them and lies about where he was. Will drop anything and everything to go spend money on the younger one, whom has tons of support. She only calls him when she needs something, like calling us at 1am to demand a new iphone(which my partner pays for every month). He treats them both like women he is having an affair with.  He gets caught and flips out. I can't even bring them up or ask how one is doing without him blowing up right away. Problem is I follow them both on social media and know way more about what they do than he does. He was heartbroken because SD now 20 didn't call on Father's day and was supposedly "in the hospital". Nope, she was with her real Dad and SD25 having a great time. She even squeezed money out of my partner for the "hospital" bill. He wouldn't hear it that it wasn't true.

So this long summary is just a tiny fraction of what has happened to me the last 4.5 years. I am desperate, cannot seem to be able to communicate with my partner that I do not care if he hangs out with the kids he claims are his own, I only am hurt that he lies about it. Having trouble with old trust issues. I do worry about how much they take advantage of him, and its hard to watch when they do it to their own dads too. I'm also very insecure of what they say to him thats completely unfounded about me, this person they know nothing about----- because much damage has been done already. My reputation was totally destroyed between them, their mother, and the angry brother.

My relationship seems worth it most of the time, but the baggage has been hell. I am also more isolated than I have ever been, 4 years later, unable to make friends in a new place. I also had to to make an industry switch to get away from the very real psychotic behavior of the ex and her friends. My partner has been no contact with her for 2 years and she finally moved out of the neighborhood, praise be. Also no contact with the sociopathic golden boy brother, which has strained both our relationships with MIL.

Outside advice sorely needed!!!!