He's told me that his daughters will always come before me.

Since his adult daughters come before you, I would leave him to them.

You deserve someone who will put YOU first. Until you find someone who cherishes you and is concerned with your happiness, find happiness with yourself (since you are always alone, anyway) and let his daughter have him. This is no way to spend your life.

My dh divorced be after we were in a relationship for 25 years. The reason, his ds, 47 years old would never leave him alone. It was daily phone calls starting first thing in the morning wanting to spend weekends with him apart from spending time during the week. His ds moved about 5 minutes from us and he ended up going with my dh to his drs, dentist, appointment and also do the grocery shopping with him while I waited at home. A very lonely existence for me.

My Dh allowed this man child to shun me in my own house, raise his voice to me and be extremely rude to me. He could do or say anything that might hurt his ds feelings so he hurt mine instead and divorced me. I never wanted to believe that his ds actually came first. As he is a grown man who should have a life of his own and live independently. My ex paid for his rent, bought him a car, gave him a credit card and gave him a couple hundred thousand dollars.

My ss47 is now living with his df because he went through all the money and job. What they do all day together I can only guess. However, you need to believe what your dh is telling you. His dds do come first and it is a horrible place for you to be. When I was with my dh I was taking 21 pills a day, now I do not take any medication. I have friends and I go out and socialize. When I was with dh I was so miserable and lonely. Having to hear the phone ring first thing in the morning and every 30 minutes after that until my dh answered really affected my nerves as there was never any peace in the house. This man-child used drama as a tool to get his father's attention and because of it drama was constant in our lives. Peaceful vacations for us were out of the question. He would call him even when we were on a ship in the middle of the Atlantic.

My sanity and life are 100 percent better. It is 5 months since I left my ex and guess what he is flying across the country to where I live. He sent me an email saying that he is paying for my son and grandsons to come to see me in April and he is coming with them.

Please believe him, being second will eat at your self esteem and hurt you more than you can imagine, you will never have peace with this woman under your roof. It is not normal for a parent to be as enmeshed as mine was and your dh is with his child.

I will immediately separate finances and stop paying for anything at home. SO can take care of the bills and his adult daughter then.

I will also stop cooking and cleaning, I will simply eat before I go home and say, not hungry .. they can make their own meals and if there's dirt dishes SO will hear about it, he will clean it.

Guess what internet and cable will be cancelled, if SO wants it for his daughter he can connect it on his name alone, I will not contribute 2 cents towards it, SO is enabling his daughter to stay at home and have a wonderful time, you are paying for it, cause all his money is going to the SD... sit back and calculate it carefully, you will see you are supporting her, simply take all your money out of the hat, only give SO a third of the expenses, the rest are on him

What my wife does when my stepkid doesn't want to do anything now is changes the wifi password. You'd be surprised how fast that motivates someone. I'm not sure what kind of stuff your partner is willing to try with their adult, but that's way too old to be acting that way.

The best thing that ever happened to me was getting kicked out of the house I grew up in. I went from couch surfing, to partying, to homelessness, and then to finally hitting rock bottom and getting my life together. The longer someone is able to stay at home and do nothing, the more of their life they'll have squandered away.

Anyways, I feel for you and know it's difficult to do anything as a step parent because our partners think we don't know what we're talking about. I'd find a way to create a less comfortable environment, and if your partner won't agree to work on that I'd probably be wanting to move out at that point.

Gosh Havemore - I came to this site to cheer myself up (with my shitty husband and SS situation) and it sounds like we're in a similar boat. I've been with DH for 17 years and we waited until six years ago to marry when we felt that all of our kids were adults and it wouldn't affect our lives). My three kids have all left home (got good jobs and brought their own places), but his three sons (aged 30, 25 and 22) simply rule our lives - to the point that I've called it a day and am getting out. His eldest is 30 and still lives with mummy and doesn't have a job because his 18 year old girlfriend is at uni 2 days a week and he likes to spend his time with her rather than earning a living. Middle SS lives with us (allegedly working for DH - but doesn't get out of bed til 10am most days and has already had about 4 weeks holiday this year!)The youngest has just got his first job after living on hand outs since he left school at 16. DH gives them all $150 each pocket money each month!! Whilst DH is constantly broke and overdrawn at the bank, SS who works for him has just brought his girlfriend a brand new car and is just about to buy himself a sports car. I asked DH where the money is coming from and he insists its because he works hard and earns every penny!

I also know what you mean about the cosy chats and leaving you out of things. If ever I suggest DH and I go out to dinner or a movie - he invites SS along. I asked DH to join a Cross Fit class with me - thinking it would be good to do an activity together. After the third visit he invited SS to join us - and of course during the class they ask people to pair up. Guess who paired up and who was left as a gooseberry!!

So that was what I lived through every summer, I was off from work.  I didn't understand why I was depressed but now it had to do with me not having any say in my own house. I don't believe things will change for you unless she moves out. My SD now 21 wants to live alone because she wants her privacy.   Life is much better for me now! Wish the same for you.

So that was what I lived through every summer, I was off from work.  I didn't understand why I was depressed but now it had to do with me not having any say in my own house. I don't believe things will change for you unless she moves out. My SD now 21 wants to live alone because she wants her privacy.   Life is much better for me now! Wish the same for you.

SD and SO aside, you've been through a lot. It sounds like you're ready to start considering a move.

More than most of us, you know how precious time is. I think that might be a great motivator for you. Imagine having your own little place, with a room just for your art, peace and quiet, and when you come home to a sink of dishes, they're all yours! (But while you're thinking about that new place, get one with a dishwasher!!!)

Your SO isn't ready to commit. So you have every reason to move on.

I think it's hard for women to move on -- they wonder what's out there for them. They worry about being lonely. But there's no reason to think what's out there isn't better than what you have now. You might look back and wish you had done it sooner!