Hello...I am new here and am seeking advice from anyone! I have been step parenting my almost 10 yo SS for 8 years now. We have split custody with his mother and communicate with her via email/text mostly (which is not going to change). We are not friends. SS has ADHD and is medicated daily (which has been a completely positive experience in school and life). We are living 8 hours away from home to be near SS. My husband and I grew up together and our families are back home. We have two small children together now and are moving back home in 2 years. This is happening for many reasons and is not changing. We do not know what will happen custody wise with SS and have not officially talked about it with him or his mother yet. We're going to give it another year or so. We hope to have him for the school year, but may end up with summers/holidays. We are moving near lots of family and into my parents' house which he is very familiar with. We hope not to have a big court battle, but are preparing for the worst.

SS is a tricky kid. He had been overly needy of his mother and father for his whole life (stepmom's opinion, but hubby sees it). He has never been excited about my existence and is basically indifferent to me. Most all questions he asks me are "where's dad". He asks my husband to lay with him nightly and wants to sit on him or touch him most all the time. He constantly tries to contract 1:1 time with him away from myself and the other kids. Now, he wants to sleep with his dad's old t-shirts. He told us that he does sleep with his mom's old shirt at her apartment with her perfume sprayed on it. He pays attention to his little brothers when his dad is paying attention to them. 

Our house is stable. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and together for over 8. His mom has been married and divorced again, with two more llittle boys of her own. Since her last divorce she has had two live in boyfriends and who are younger with no kids or marriages. We have tried therapy for SS but I've learned it's not the best with ADHD kids. His mom has expressed that she doesn't want him in therapy and seems to focus on sports instead. She has sabotaged therapy in the past. We are hoping to start it back up just on our weeks because we really want someone to help with resilience and coping skills for him for when we move. We know he has attachment insecurities from his parents splitting when he was a toddler. DH has soo much guilt all the time that I see him enabling the clinginess from SS.

So sorry this is so long...maybe should have been a blog? But if anyone can relate or give some hope in how moves have gone, it would be wonderful.