No, I did not sign up for this

I need to vent.

I can't stand when people say "well you knew what you were signing up for!" or "love him, love his kid!"

No. This kid is an entitled little douche. And it's because of shit parenting from my husband, his ex wife and the village that is raising this child.

He's going to be the death of my sanity and my marriage. I'm sitting here googling "how to get a divorce" because something so seemingly insignificant is what did it for me.

He does nothing around the house (he's 8, almost 9). No chores. He "dusted" a table once, and he just stood there with a stupid-ass expression on his face waving the rag back & forth (it wasn't even touching the table - like WTF are you doing? Dusting the air?). And then had the balls to tell me we had to talk about how much I'd be paying him as an allowance. He said he wanted $40 to clean the bathroom. My response was "well shit, me too". GTFO of here with "how much am I paying you for an allowance".

He whines and cries like he's being abused when you tell him that it's time to turn off the screens (or if you won't buy him things he wants - he threw a fit in the grocery store the other day because I wouldn't let this 8 year old child go to the in-store daycare for infants because he was told not to ask for anything and he apparently needs a daycare in order to survive a grocery shopping trip). I think we're pretty generous with 2 hours of screen time a day - apparently, that's not enough for this little monster. He wants 2 hours in his room watching YouTube. Then 2 hours in the living room playing PS4. Then 2 hours in the living room watching YouTube. I keep trying to explain that it's not 2 hours PER SCREEN, but it's like talking to a wall and I'm the only adult enforcing this shit. Fuck me for giving a shit that his vision is so bad because of all this time spent glued to a screen, right? And people keep getting him devices with a screen! He had a raspberry pi gaming system - he broke it. So mummy bought him a Nintendo switch. The pi has since been fixed (thank god, because IDK HOW he would have survived with just his smart TV, the living room TV with the PS4, Wii, Nintendo & SNES, his nintendo switch AND the coding computer grandma bought him so he can "hack minecraft") so that's something else I have to keep track of his time on it.

He was away for 10 days (it was a great 10 days for me - so quiet!). He came back, was home for less than 5 minutes and is already starting with the sighing like he's Eeyore and "well I guess I'll just go to bed because I really wanted {sidenote: he 'really wants' everything} to watch youtube videos" (in the living room, where I was already mid-movie). But god forbid I don't get up immediately to coddle this little shit and give him full reign of my living room.

I tried not saying anything. It's whatever. This is not my child, not my circus, not my monkeys. But it's hard because he's a kid and doesn't know any better and it's fucking FRUSTRATING when the other adults in his life bend to his every whim. He is the child, you are the adult - the child doesn't call the shots or run the show, you know?

This morning, he gets up, didn't lift the seat and pissed all over the bathroom. The bathroom that I'm the only one who ever cleans it.

So I text my husband "make sure to reiterate to {kid} that he is to a) lift the seat to pee, b) wipe up any splatter and c) flush - apparently he forgot. And I want him to clean the toilet/surrounding areas, because he pissed all over the place". So what does my dumbass husband do? HE cleaned it up! Like, dude. This is why the kid is the way he is. No fucking accountability or consequences for actions. I'm so frustrated I want to cry.

It's more than just pissing all over the bathroom - it's the complete lack of respect for the rest of the people who live there by just leaving it. And I guarantee that he doesn't care. He's at home with his dad today so nobody's enforcing the screen time (5 hours and counting, per the Verizon app that shows me what devices are connected) but as soon as I get home, I'm the horrible abusive bitch making him shut off YouTube in the living room and "waaaaaah daddy my twoo hourrrssss aren't up".

I hate my life anymore. I dread days off from work. I dread going home after work. I modified my schedule for the summer to spend the least amount of time around this kid as humanly possible. And it's still too much. School starts in 50 days. Not to be overly dramatic, but I don't know if I'll survive.

My husband is talking about a cruise - yeah, no thanks. We can't take a DAY TRIP without the kid having a meltdown/tantrum over something and you want to spend 10 days on a boat? Hell no. I can't swim and I guarantee 10 minutes into this trip I'll throw my ass overboard and make for land.

Between how this kid acts and how his mother is (she's a real piece of work herself), I'm surprised my marriage has lasted this long.

She makes 2x what I make and demands money from us, even though it's a 50/50 split and we buy him more than enough. Nothing we buy is good enough for her and she doesn't care that we have literally no money - gotta give it to her anyway.

I've had to recently try and come to terms that, despite what I may want, I don't get to have a baby because MY childs needs would always be second to my skids WANTS and his bitch-ass mothers demands.

It's bullshit. All I've ever wanted out of life was to be a mom and I don't get to do that because the rest of my life is apparently going to be spent catering to a tiny terrorist and his mother. Woo-hoo.

But why is the rum gone's blog
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SS8 does the same thing -

SS8 does the same thing - pees all over the toilet and floor and just leaves it for the next person to sit/step in. I make DH go in and clean up after him every single time. I don't want to be sitting in his pee nor do I want DS to be sitting in that pee. SO GROSS. It's one of my pet peeves. My four year old almost never pees on the toilet or floor. If he ever does get a drop on the seat for whatever reason - he cleans it up with a clorox wipe. Yes I trained him well!

I so feel where you are coming from. HUGS to you.

You did! I'm still trying to

You did! I'm still trying to get my SS *and* husband to wipe it up with a clorox wipe. Like...I work in an office where I'm greeted by mystery bodily fluids on the seat every time I walk into a bathroom here -- I wipe off more than my fair share of toilet seats in my day to day life (I only do it because one time here, I didn't look/wipe the seat off and when I sat down, the back of my pants touched the front of the toilet and absorbed someone elses' piss -- I had to take an hour lunch to go home, shower and change!). I won't be doing it at home. Because at home, I can pinpoint exactly WHO pissed all over the place. I can't ever identify the culprit at work haha

Do not monitor screen time.

Do not monitor screen time. If he goes blind, sorry, Charlie. Dad doesn't care, why should you? Go on a cruise without the kid if you go. And do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT give BM anything extra that is not specified in the court order.

The thing with the screen

The thing with the screen time is it led to him needing glasses. And mommy doesn't care so she let him pick out $170 glasses. That we had to pay for. Which is why I care. Because it financially affected me.

As far as the cruise, my husband won't hear of not taking him. It took me 4 days to explain WHY I do not want to take multiple vacations a year with this kid - the cruise is something I'll have to figure out a way to put off until the kid is at least old enough to have his own room. If I never have to share a hotel room with him again, it's too soon.

And we don't have a court order. My husband was the primary parent since she up and decided she didn't want to be a mom when he was an infant. She rolled back into his life permanently when he started school and he now lives with her full time during the school year and full time with us during the summer, with EOW and rotating days during the week -- he won't go to court because he feels like a judge is going to grant her full custody and us nothing and he's so afraid of he even taking him to court that he bends to her every whim. He can pay her out of his account. The joint account for household expenses will not give her a dime. Ever.

Let me know

what cruise you're thinking about and I'll just randomly be on the same boat - we can meet on the Lido deck for margaritas at 9am. Hahahaha I want to take a vacation with my stepson about as much as I want to jam an andiron up my a$S.

Agree, for your own sanity

I really feel for you- you've described a lot I can't relate to as my SS was 12 when I got involved with now-DH, but the same general laziness & needless obnoxious attention-seeking b.s. I also 100% relate to your feelings about this (including but not limited to the "You Signed Up For This" and the constant monitoring of what SS is up to via data & phone). In hindsight ('cuz SS just graduated), I should have stopped all the monitoring because it was a big part of me letting this situ eat me alive with stress, frustrstion and outrage. However, I understand the compulsion because left to their own choice, they'd never unplug & join real life. And no one else (Ahem bio parents!) was monitoring, confronting, and correcting. I was caring more than the bio's care, and trying to make up for all of BM's shortcomings, which isn't possible, and the stress & conflict drove me to find this site. The incredible support & honest feedback I've received here are priceless.

Feeling lately like I'd be leaving if I had another 6-8-12 years of what I just went thru. No advice other than be true to yourself & keep sharing here because we get it!

This, right here -- "And no

This, right here -- "And no one else (Ahem bio parents!) was monitoring, confronting, and correcting. I was caring more than the bio's care, and trying to make up for all of BM's shortcomings, which isn't possible, and the stress & conflict drove me to find this site" -- this is EVERYTHING.

This place is seriously the ONLY place I've found where I can vent and not be met with "OMG UR SO HORRIBLE!!11"

No, I'm not horrible. I've just had the life sucked out of me and I'm a husk of a person anymore.

Seasons

Not surprised based on your original post. Turns out there are patterns, and solutions (no quick pill though) that bring relief. I wish they were easy and came with guaranteed happy endings - sometimes it means relationships & marriages end. Sometimes the marriages get stronger. I have no idea how mine will go; DH is on the phone with SS18 right now with some drama story about a girl SS likes (maybe that's why SS hasn't slept at home this week; DEFINITELY time for me to purchase the game camera because if SS tries to bring an underaged or ANY age girl)... Argh!

Glad you found ST!

$40 to clean 1 bathroom??? My

$40 to clean 1 bathroom??? My youngest son is 13. For $10 he'll take everything off the fridge and scrub it. One evening when our internet was out due to a storm, he did the top of the stove and the front of the oven door because he was bored. He didn't ask for anything, either.

I remember, as a kid, from

I remember, as a kid, from around 7+ years old... I would clean my room randomly and go upstairs all excited to show my parents. Literally ONLY to make them happy. I just loved them being proud of me. On the odd chance they'd go out on a date or somewhere together and leave us at home (I had older siblings), I would try to clean the living room or do the dishes or something out of boredom AND out of the desire to see their surprised faces when they get home.

That's the problem with child-centric, divorced (or even not divorced) bioparents, they tend to create kids who don't care about others, just themselves. My house growing up, we were the kids and our parents were the parents. We weren't always first. We weren't allowed to be jealous of eachother, take eachothers stuff, etc. We had chores. We learned how to care for and respect others/their belongings/their feelings. Do skids ever learn this???

I don't think this one has

I don't think this one has learned it. Hell, I don't know that my husband ever learned it. But that's how I was raised, too - we're the kids, the parents are the parents and you learn to care for yourself and respect others/their stuff/their space. Now it seems like the kids call the shots and the parents are helpless. I don't like this new normal.

Yeah he wanted $40 to clean

Yeah he wanted $40 to clean one bathroom. I think the only other time he's made me laugh that hard was the day he wouldn't even let me through the door without screaming in my face DEMANDING the WiFi password. I told him he can have it once he pays a bill. Any bill. I'm not picky.

Sweet kid

I love reading posts like that. Wonderful boy you're raising, sounds like a sweet, thoughtful guy.

SD9 will do it for a dollar..

SD9 will do it for a dollar... Or some nights she'll get in this clenaing mode and just go to town. It's blissful.

Oh my god. I totally

Oh my god. I totally understand feeling like the horrible abusive person when you're the only one enforcing rules! It's the WORST. SD6 literally acts like a wounded puppy sometimes - running away when I come downstairs because she KNOWS damn well her dishes are on the table from breakfast and she hasn't washed her hands. The rule is simple... Put your dishes in the sink, rinse, wash hands, THEN GO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

God forbid I don't want all my furniture covered in whatever SD6 was eating (with her hands, even if cutlery should have been used) and god forbid I don't feel like coming down and picking everything up 5 times a day when I have a baby to take care of. I HATE that. My husband tries his best but 1) he's not always home and 2) he's got bad ADD and doesn't notice half the time.

I literally don't take SD6 anywhere my friends/family will be because she makes me look abusive. It's THAT bad. She runs away when I walk in the room. She looks all scared when I say "SD...." etc. because it's just horrifying following simple, basic rules, right?? Like my own 8-month-old son will be following the same rules as soon as he's walking. And I bet he won't make me feel like a monster for asking him to pick up toys or put dishes in the sink.

Your SD sounds like my SS.

And I hear you on the "I don't take her anywhere because she makes me look abusive" -- this is why I don't want to take trips! I don't need people staring and recording cell phone video because this child chose to have a fucking meltdown and plant his ass on the ground screaming like he's being murdered all because I told him 'NO'.

Basic rules are hard, I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Wow SS has a twin

HI there thank you for this, your SD acts like my SS9, to keep my sanity I have reverted to just keeping quiet and letting him be. I only teach my daughter who is 4 how to do the basics now. One time he screamed his lungs out in public and started shaking and crying when we had to take him home from a mutual friends house, We were at my sisters funeral and as usual BM didn't care what was happening before posting him to us?! our friend whom he was visiting told my husband to stop abusing his son. BM wants to give us full custoday now at this point I feel like moving out and leaving his with his dad he is so uncomfortable when I'm around he even whispers when he speaks to my daugther all of this because he doesn't want to be told what to do to become a normal human being as his own mom lets him do whatever whenever and gives him the world on a silver platter.

Many times

this is the act of passive aggression. YSS 7 shit all over my house on purpose when he didn't get his way.

No. He literally shit??? no

No. He literally shit??? no omg

Yep

and rubbed it into the furniture as well.

Oh this one has passive

Oh this one has passive aggressive down. He flushed my retainers ($300 out of my pocket to replace them because apparently I should have been more careful and NOT left MY things in MY bathroom -- yeah, OK) because he wasn't happy that Netflix counted towards his screen time. He knows exactly what he's doing, too.

Does your H know just how

Does your H know just how unhappy and miserable you are? I can't imagine living another month much less years like this. What are you going to do if this does not change?

I think he knows, but I don't

I think he knows, but I don't know that he cares. And I don't know what I'm going to do if it doesn't change.

Hon, if he doesn't care, it's

Hon, if he doesn't care, it's time for you to get out of this nightmare.

Oh my gosh I'm dying! Not

Oh my gosh I'm dying! Not over your situation. But something about how you wrote this just made me smile. It was completely unfiltered and honest. And I LOVE it.

As for the situation, I'm so sorry you're facing this... I get what it's like to have your DH not enforcing what you think needs to happen, and DH and I have had TONS of fights over it. Especially when he sits there wondering why they're acting a certain way and I just want to slap him upside the head... Or when he tells me I have an "equal part in parenting." yet isn't enforcing rules WE DISCUSSED. It's f***ing ridiculous.

IF you decide to stay, you and your Dh need to get on the same page. Nothing is accomplished when you're arguing over the rules. If they're discussed you both need to enforce and have a combined front. Also it's totally okay to make him the bad guy (IE. "your kid is being a little s***, can you go handle that love?") My DH can have a SUPER short memory. It's happened quite a few times where I'll tell him SD5 is in trouble and he'll come home and play with her anyways. We had a chat... That doesn't happen anymore.

As for the mess he makes. MAKE. HIM. CLEAN. IT. SD5 s*** in the bathtub once, she got to clean it up herself (I supervised, she still did all the work) AND help me loan the laundry after (just because why not!). It hasn't happened since. Your DH definitley shouldn't be cleaning that up for him. And in situations like that, I think it's totally appropriate for you to step in and get him to clean it.

Keep us updated, your SS sounds like a terror. I don't even want to know what BM is like (besides money grubbing, that was obvious in your post)

Haha, hey - if I can't laugh

Haha, hey - if I can't laugh at it, it might kill me. Better to err on the side of humor.

Unfiltered is kind of how I am. I think years of not giving a shit has just turned into whatever is on my mind falling out of my mouth. Or, keyboard.

I've tried to talk to my husband about it and it always turns into HIM whining like a bitch about how I'm so mean and I don't like his son.

Well, obvs we can see where the kid learned THIS behavior from.

I've taken to calmly reiterating what I've already said (who knows, maybe the 9001st time will be the charm & it'll stick -- my husband also has a short memory, it's like having a conversation with Dory from Finding Nemo) and told him that it is HIS child and that HE needs to enforce rules because it's not fair for me to have to be the asshole all the time.

And same with the messes - I told him to have the kid clean it. He did it instead. Next time, I will wait until I'm home from work and supervise the kid doing it myself.

And he is a terror. I like that I can vent here and that people are so understanding. Maybe I'll write about the BM (which is *such* an appropriate acronym for her, because she's the human equivalent of a BM) someday haha

I like it. Unfiltered people

I like it. Unfiltered people are some of the best! I'd rather you let me know what's on your mind than passively sit there and pretend it's all okay! I start cracking innapropriate jokes when i get uncomfortable or nervous... No in a dirty way, just in a, you shouldn't be joking about that way. lol

MY DH sometimes does that... Thankfully it's gotten better with time. i found he thinks he's logical, but he's not. So I've learned to phrase my points in a logical manner than also connects to his emotions. lol. One of my favorite arguments is giving him all these stats, asking if he wants the girls to be successful (That's the emotional tie-in) and then explaining how what I'm saying can effectively accomplish that. It makes it more relateable, but also connects enough logic in that he listens.

He should be enforcing the dang rules. Why the he!! shouls you have to? He needs to be more scared of pissing off his wife than a freaking 7 year old.

I supervise myself. DH would probably clean some of the messes if I didn't just take care of it with them. When they do that there's seriously a dramatic drop in how often they try and pull that crap. I also made SD5 clean up after she had an accident on the bed (she was in emotional distress after talking to BM) She literally hasn't had an accident since. They realize how gross it is when they have to take care of it.

Vent away! LOL

I do the same with the

I do the same with the inappropriate jokes when uncomfortable/nervous - let me tell you, I'm a BLAST at a funeral.

I like the idea of using the emotional tie-in. I'm a very logical person and it doesn't take me long to puzzle something out so it's clear and easy to understand. But he's not so logical, so things that are very black & white to me could be 50 shades of grey to him. I'm going to try that. Thank you! I hadn't considered that before.

LOL I'm sure you are!!

I'm logical too. DH for some reason things I'm the emotional one and he's fully logical. But i can tell he's more emotional than he thinks, he just has this facade of a hardened warrior going on. Give it a try and let me know

Have your cake and eat it too

Have your baby THEN get a divorce!

Sorry JK. That sucks you have such an obnoxious kid as SS, and no bios of your own to love. Me, Im too old to even consider it, and my SD12 Munchkin is very sweet and considerate. The eldest is feral and no longer lives with us, but when she did, Winona SD19, before high school graduation, she was a total b!tch to me all the time (except when her mother beat her in front of her younger sister...) AND a complete and utter dirty girl. For example, when she would get her period, she would brag that the bathroom was a "total bloodbath!", hahahah. And leave her bloody pads in the bathroom trash can open and showing her menstral bloods.

When she stopped living with us, her sister and I cleaned her room up and took out all the furniture. 6 bags of trash! And bloody pads and underwear all over. Ewe. Feral is as feral does.

Take care of YOU! Dont let this feral brat take away your experiencing having a child of your own. Trust this crusty almost 50-year old tomorrow.

Feral. That is the perfect

Feral. That is the perfect adjective. Feral humans.

I'll be 35 this year -- I think that baby ship has sailed. And we're not in a place financially to be able to provide for a child (we might be able to do it if his ex wasn't such a money grubbing harpy) and we don't have a place to put one. We talked about adding onto our house and the kid said "now I can have a boy cave, too!"

No. You cannot. We have an adjoining room off of our bedroom that I use as an exercise room/office and he's been gunning for that since we moved in. You are here 1/2 of the time. You get one room. You will not run me out of the other rooms in my house.

Also - happy birthday!

Thanks!

Yeah, Munchkin tried to get the Feral childs room when she moved on, and I quickly installed a desk, a chari, my clothes, my stuff, and new furnishings, as well as a 55 gallon fish tank for my koi. I talk about it being community use, but the longer I have it, the longer it becomes "mine". I continue helping her make her room nicer, more comfortable and have helped (at her request) make it cleaner and more organized, so she cannot take over any other spaces (we have two living rooms, and no she cannot have an extra room here, she has two bedrooms already).

Yes, FERAL. I saw this on here, and it sooooooo fits. I hope and pray that things change for you so that you can have a child of your own. You sound very level-headed and solid and nurturing. Hard to tell on an anonymous board, but you come across as cheery and quite funy (cursing like a sailor always cracks me up!)

Thank you. I hope things

Thank you. I hope things change, too. I try for level-headed. Sometimes, it doesn't work out for me. But I'm definitely funny. If I can't make something into something to laugh at, I'll take it far too seriously.

I feel your pain!

I’ve had to deal with my SD’s BS since I got here. What pisses me off more is that my husband is not acting as my backbone at all to make sure his devil child is put in check. And he blames me for her being rebellious. God damn. He treats her and her mom as a freakin queen and will not disobey them what so ever. Told him he should just get back with her. Cause I am not bring my child into this world knowing they will have a brat as a role model. Sorry your in this crap too honey!

Right?! Like...you're going

Right?! Like...you're going to seriously sit here and when your ex-wife says jump you're saying how high? She runs our house? Cool. Maybe I don't need to live here, then.

Nip that sh!t in the bud

I once upon a time (started 4 years ago today) had a Toxic High Conflict Golden Uterus BM how high must we jump problem, when SO and I first got together in a "realationship", and he was still jumping through hoops for BM. Firstly because "shes the mother of my children, and I must make certain that kidlings are in a livable space when not with me!" This was when SO would buy groceries for HER refrigerator, because she cried that there was no food when kidlings were at her house, and she would end up eating it all (they have 50/50 custody agreement).

Then it became "we must keep T HC GU BM happy, because she can make things bad for both of us if she wants to..." because SO hadnt YET divorced the raging hippo (sorry, I love hippos! but that is how she acts...) . So we go through the divorce process whereby she tells him she hopes he dies, etc. Divorce is complete, and she is still asking for favors, such as "can I borrow your truck to haul furniture into my tiny dirty, messy apartment? " "Can you hang this heavy mirror for me?" "Can you measure my apartment living room, beroom, etc for me so I can borrow your truck to haul my new furniture?" and on and on. Finally I put my foot down one fine morning, and told him he must tell her "no" period, no made up lame excuses, just "NO". So then he finally todl her "No" and added "Clove doesnt really like it when you ask me to help you and Clove doesnt want me to loan you the truck". Yep, SO thew me under the bus, because he had to look like the good guy so she wouldnt go into attack mode. I said, "whaaaaat?" then said "well its true, but you dont like it either, but I understand that we have 6 more years of HER, and you are doing what you must to keep things nice."

Ugh. yep. 6 more years of keeping the peace with (need a better name for her that T HC GU BM) the toxic sludge of an ex.

Perhaps Ill post a description and ask for opinions on a name for her....

Great post idea!

"Perhaps Ill post a description and ask for opinions on a name for her...."

I think you should!

The only thing I take away

The only thing I take away from all that is that YOU want a baby and you're not going to have one because of your husband's first family. The rest of it is all window dressing. Keep googling "How to get a divorce." There is no way that you should sacrifice such a basic desire for your husband and his skid. You will become more resentful than you already are and you will end up miserable. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to them, either.

You aren't wrong.

All I've ever wanted out of life was to be a mom. But I'll be 35 this year & I think that ship has sailed. I don't think it's fair to anyone, but I do fear that my husband would have a meltdown and cease to be a functional human if he were to be divorced again. IDK what to do. I don't want to hurt him, but I'd also really like to not cry inconsolably every day for the rest of my life.

I don't think the ship has

I don't think the ship has sailed. My grandmother had a baby at 41. My mom had hers at 36, 39 and 41, and didn't even get married until 35. My aunt got married for the first time at 41 and had a baby at 42. One of my best friend's mom had her two kids at 45 and 48 (she was the only one of the one listed who had fertility help). There are plenty of women out there having babies later in life. Not every older woman is lucky enough to be able to have a child at 40, but "late" babies seem to run in my family. I would not assume you can't have one. If you want a baby, make the plans you need to in order to have one so you don't have to live with regrets.

I will be 37 this year. My

I will be 37 this year. My son is 2.

Lady I nannied for was 44

... when her 4th baby arrived; older siblings were 4, 7 & 8. 44 is definitely no 24 and she wasn't wealthy, just a single mom living well with what she had & choosing a nanny over other stuff. She had her masters in psychology & once told me something I respected & to this day embrace as a SM: to never badmouth the other parent because it's wrong & hurts the kids... who will figure it out down the road on their own anyways. She said, My kids need to be able to love their dad for as long as they can. She made sure to be home by 5:30 every day, she had wisdom and insight, and while older, she was a good mom.

I had my youngest at 40...

AND my tubes had been tied! SURPRISE!

If you have always wanted to be a mom, dont let your skid OR your husband hold you back. Their lives are NOT more important than yours.

Divorce him and his spawn.

If I were you, I would get a

If I were you, I would get a divorce and meet a nice CHILDLESS man a few years younger than I. There ARE a good number of childless men who are in their early 30s Then have a baby. The ship hasn't sailed. I had one at 41 and I'm pregnant now with a healthy baby at 43. It's possible. Take care of yourself. This kid sounds like a nightmare that you don't deserve!

Totally relate

I’m the only one who cleans. My husband and stepdaughter don’t give a shit. I ask myself every day if this is what I signed up for... it’s bullshit. I feel like I’m taken for granted every day. I want to just stop doing things, but I know they’ll never pick up the slack. I recently gave birth to my own son, and I still did all the cleaning right after giving birth. Unbelievable.

I didn't have time to read

I didn't have time to read all the responses but:

1) use his pillowcase to clean his bathroom spray, and put it back on his bed

2) let him have all the screentime he wants, at least he's out of your hair

Never met Step-daughter.

I have been married for ONLY 5-months and now my husband wants his 23-year-old daughter to come live with us due to the fact that things aren’t going right for her where she currently lives because she always gets into some kind of trouble. I told my husband I’m not comfortable with this. I just got my 21-year old out into her own home. Now this!!!! He thinks I’m being mean. He says that it’s going to be fine until she gets herself together. She currently has her own place where she is living now but is giving it up to come here. I’ve never met her other than on the phone twice. I just got my comfort and sanity back from my 21-year old moving out. I’m considering leaving him and getting my own because he is not listening to me at all. I can’t deal with another grown woman in my house. No, no, no!!! I moved out of my home to move into a home that was willed to him because it saved us a lot of money. Now it seems that since I’m in his town and his home that I have no say so on his grown daughter coming to live here. HELP ME NOW!!!

I feel your pain

I am basically in the same predicament only difference I don't have to deal with his mom. Dad is a handful. He babies his 11 year old son like he's a new born. Right now I think I am pregnant and it scares the shit out of me. My issue is I didn't sign up for this bullshit because he failed to disclose certain information about his son mental capacity hell mental capacity I swear my partner is bipolar. He says things then deny saying it. The son do things he cleans up behind him etc.. he's lazy the Son's lazy. But I'm so sorry that you are going through this mess. You should not give up on being a mother at times love is not worth the sacrifice. I love my partner but the strain his lack of proper parenting skills have caused I'm out... I rather be alone and happy than with someone and unhappy.

I love this post from the

I love this post from the moment I read it to all the added comments you written in between. I am dealing with a 9 year old going on 10! Nonetheless I'm dealing with the same thing and he is a pain in my ass! Can't say shit cause I get the same "you don't like my son!" Type of commentary, which is bullshit! I care about him but not your bullshit parenting style and lack of structure in this kids life!

But for your sanity I think you should move on and or disconnect from said child! This will help and make your husband clean all his messes and etc., if he complains let him know "it his kid his issue and if he can't rectify it than he is responsible for his son, his mess and his behavior!" Lets see how long he'll deal with it!

Lord i've been there!!!

I can TOTALLY relate to changing your schedule to minimize interaction and having a husband who would just rather do things himself than to tell the child to do it. You constantly feel like an evil witch for feeling perfectly normal feelings about being stuck in a shitty situation. Meanwhile most bio parents wouldn't accept the things we're used to accepting for even a second! You get all of the blame and none of the reward and at the end of the day you just have to hope this person loves you when they grow up and you hope they realize all that you did and sacrificed for them but chances are they won't. This life aint for the weak, that's for sure!