This is all over the place. Please bear with me.

We went to a wedding this weekend (me, husband & SS). I was in the wedding, so I wasn't able to get them ready (thank Christ the kid didn't show up in basketball shorts) or put the fear of god into SS that he'd better behave. I did apologize to the bride in advance for him having a meltdown - she thought he'd be fine because there'd be other kids there. I knew better. He had FOUR tantrums. FOUR instances of crying because he was being bullied or whatever - he wasn't. He was playing with kids HALF his age and he's in there crying like it's the end of the world. When he approached me during meltdown #1, I patted him on the back, said "You're fine. Get some food, sit down and take a rest" and walked away. I did not engage - and I went and told his dad what he was whining about and told him not to engage with his self-brought drama, either. He completely ignored the crying and it was freakin glorious. Because as soon as he realized he wasn't getting 110% of our undivided attention - he stopped. 

The bar ran out of rum early, but at least they had vodka (until that was gone, too). The bartender was someone who used to bartend for me when I used to hit the bars frequently, so she was making drinks for me like I'm not old AF now and I can still hang -- liquor, ice, hint of mixer. 

APPARENTLY, four "mixed drinks" is the amount of drinks it takes to tell my husband that:

• He's a helicopter parent
• Hovering over his kid ain't doing him any favors & that him, his ex-wife, her new boyfriend, his mother, his sister & her husband all coddle - the only adult in this child's life that is trying to mold him into a decent, functional human and raise him right is me. And that's not fair because he is not my child - he deserves both of his parents to be invested in raising a decent human. 
• The kid will get his ass beat going through school/interacting with other kids because he cries like a little bitchass (I tried to not use the word bitchass, I really did, but I lacked a better adjective) when he doesn't get his way
• The kid is exhausting to be around because he is always crying or throwing a tantrum about something
• The kid straight up lies about others' hitting/kicking/punching/throwing a football at his face & saying 'that's what you get' and it's always the wrongest wrong that ever wronged someone to him - there is no middle ground and his drama is fucking annoying
• I dread weekends he's with us & actively avoid being alone with him 
• I've been counting the days since school let out until school starts because I walk on eggshells in my house because I'm tired of tantrums and I want I want I want
• Him (husband) bitching about our friends children being entitled is RICH because everything that those kids were doing (according to my husband, they were screaming, demanding things, getting pissed at other kids when they don't do what they want, tattling, whining & crying) was, according to my husband, awful entitled behavior. And that is what SS does EVERY SINGLE TIME HE IS AROUND PEOPLE. Like...bro...you're gonna bitch about others' kids? Have you met yours?
• The reason we aren't having a baby (this came up because my husband has the baby fever - he brought up having kids no less than a dozen times this weekend, once immediately after the text bitching about our friends kids & repeatedly after holding my goddaughter) is because the almost 9 year old still needs people to wash his face for him and to coddle him to brush his teeth & that he cries more than my 18 month old goddaughter. And that I have to reprimand him more in public than I do a 4 year old. 

Re: the teeth -- fuck that. Yesterday he was watching me brush and I told him that all I can do is provide the toothbrush/toothpaste/mouthwash/floss. I can't make him brush and I won't make him brush. That's up to his dad. I was like "look, brush and floss, don't brush and floss. I don't care. But if you do NOT brush and floss daily, you WILL likely get an infection that spreads to your heart or your brain and you WILL die. That's your call" (anything worth doing is worth being extra, am I right?). Last night, he lied straight to our faces when asked about brushing his teeth. Dude. Your toothbrush is BONE DRY. We JUST talked about this. You brushed your teeth like I crapped out a pile of cash today. Spoiler alert: I did not crap out a pile of cash. So whatever. You do you. Enjoy needing extensive dental work when you're older. Not my mouth, not my problem. 

Anyway, apparently 5 beers was what it took for my husband to hear me. Like...truly hear me. It helped that my friends ex-stepmom was in our vicinity and heard like 2 minutes of our conversation and came over to talk to him to explain WHY you don't want to raise a kid like that (her eldest is just a drain on society) and that the reason the kid is whiny like this is because of him (husband). I was so happy that she intervened because I think it means more coming from another person with an outside perspective. 

But the main thing here, the important thing is that he heard me. He acknowledged that he hovers, that the kid is coddled, that his behavior is abhorrent, that his attitude sucks and that he's spoiled rotten. And that he (husband) needs to have a conversation with his ex-wife about the kid. And that they ALL (him, his ex, his mother, his sister & her husband) need to be on the same page and stop treating this kid like a toddler. 

I realize that a behavior change is not going to happen overnight. It's going to take a lot of work on my husband's part, and a lot of patience on mine. 

I told him if he works with the kid & the kid makes it 90 days without a meltdown/tantrum/whining about wanting things/acting entitled/general assholery then I would get my IUD removed. But if the kid does any of the things that he needs to stop doing, the 90 day counter will be reset. You want another kid, then you need to put some effort into the one you already have. SHOW ME you are putting effort into enriching him as a person. Actions > words, bro. 

90 days is an arbitrary time frame (and I kind of wish I hadn't said it to begin with - I have a feeling that I'm going to get my hopes crushed because I'm allowing myself to hope against hope that SS can rehabilitate his shitty behavior and that I can actually have the life I want, and that's a lot of eggs in one basket). 

I don't plan on re-engaging with SS, either. He has two parents and they need to step up and be parents. Full stop. 

If we do have a baby, I'll reassess things at that point. 

The takeaway from all of this is that we, as a household, should probably drink more. Communication is a lot more open & honest with a couple drinks in you *ROFL*