I need to vent!
SD has been going to theater camp, and at the end of camp they will be putting on a public production. BM had texted SO about it last week, so I asked him this morning when it is and he told me it is on the 30th. That's this Saturday! SO and I were talking last night and we had made plans to get some things done this weekend - clean out the garage, clean the house and finish yard work at my mom's that we started last weekend. Now our entire weekend will revolve around SD and once again, we won't be able to get anything done. Why even make plans if you know you aren't going to be able to fulfill your obligations? I guess he forgot about the play until I reminded him.
I made the comment that I guess I won't be cleaning this weekend and he responded with, "You don't have to go! I haven't seen my daughter in a month!" I will be able to move past the fact that we won't get anything done this weekend and thankfully I hadn't told my mom that he was planning on coming back over. I understand that he hasn't seen his daughter in a month, but he hasn't made any effort to either. I do not get why I always have to prioritize our time with her, but he never does. I am always being accused of not being excited to see her, but he never acts excited when she comes over either. In fact, he's usually grumpy and trying to pick fights with me right before she's dropped off.
I know better than to not go to the play. He will act like I have a choice, but if I don't go, it will cause issues later. I am just tired of constantly being put in this position. My world does not revolve around SD and his doesn't either - until he decides it does for a day or so. What would you guys do?
I'd stay home and do my stuff
I'd stay home and do my stuff - but that's me!
I wouldn't go. I'd stay home
I wouldn't go. I'd stay home and get some stuff done.
I'd stay home, but I'd go and
I'd stay home, but I'd go and enjoy myself out with my friends or something. Infact when he wants to clean out the garage etc I would just be so busy shopping, going to a movie etc that he would have to do it all by himself.
Then I would buy a huge calendar and write all your plans on it for the whole month- then tell him nothing gets changed except in a genuine emergency. If he wants to see SD he plans it and doesn't just wait for her or BM to organise his time (the X used to do this all the time and it was so annoying) and stick to it!
If he doesn't comply with this small and very efficient way of doing things then just disengage and go to lots of parties and picinics, in fact any damn thing you like!
Thanks, Fairyo! I have been
Thanks, Fairyo! I have been wanting to buy a calendar for this very reason and I need to just do it! Your X sounds a lot like my SO. He isn't proactive when it comes to spending time with SD at all. I often have to remind him to text BM to find out when SD is coming over. It drives me insane because I am a planner!
Well, I've got news for him. My weekends will no longer revolve around SD. Since my dad passed, I have been trying to spend more time with my mom and she needs help around the house. That is my priority now.
Excellent strategy!
Excellent strategy!
I would stay home too and do
I would stay home too and do my own thing. DH begs me to do go the skids events. Before there was a CO BM used to try to pull this crap and try to call DH and tell him that SS wanted to come over every weekend and I told DH that if wanted his son to come over every weekend then I wasn't going to stop him but I explained to him that it wasn't fair that BM would get a kid free weekend and us being a new relationship how were we going to get to know each other better when he has his kids every weekend. This all happened before we were married. I had put my foot down.
Hopefully you get to have
Hopefully you get to have some skid free time! We only see SD on Sundays and that is enough! We both work full time and now that we own a house, there's an endless amount of chores. I don't know how other people do it, especially when they have their kids full-time or even 50/50!
I'm just jealous you get a
I'm just jealous you get a whole month without seeing your stepkid.
It's been really nice! And it
It's been really nice! And it's going to be really hard going back to seeing her every weekend...
Love the response, theoldredhen
I totally agree. Take the high road. Not always the easiest but it will break or make your relationship. You set the tone for the relationship. We have more power than we know. Yup, your hubby is a ding dong. They all are even when they are the first husband...lol. GO! Get dressed up, look your sassiest and clap the loudest. Bring a small bouquet of flowers. I promise you, down the road, she will appreciate you. No one will say at your funeral, "and she cleaned the garage/yard on the 30th."
Instead of dreading the visit, make it a fun visit. Go get your nails done with her, get an ice cream, go see a chic flick your hubby would never see with you. I have really worked on this with the girs. Hubby working offshore so we would go get sushi together, yogurt, shopping. We are in Texas and the city shut down for 2 days. We bought chili and made chili dogs, frito pies, brownies, hot chocolate, watched SEVERAL chick flicks......it was nice.
My mother lost her mother when she was 11 years old. Her dad had remarried by then in the states. She came from Mexico, no knowing the language and this stranger was the kindest ever. Till this day my mom's recipes are her stepmom's recipes. I make a dish on the 24th of December, pozole and Mexican Wedding Cookies. The irony is I now make them and the girls love them. My mom and her 2 brothers worshiped this woman and were with her till the end of her life. I saw my mom and her brothers fall apart at her funeral. My mother wailed and remembered how her step mom would take her downtown Chicago, purchased her first pretty dress, bought her contacts when they first came out, taught her how to dress nicely....she was nothing but love.
Be that amazing step mom and this little girl will adore till the end.....
Hugs.