What do you think?
So DH is still out of work and guess how much he is getting in unemployment after they take out CS $310 every two weeks. Who the hell can live on that? I know the kids have to be taken care of but it just isn't fair. I want to tell DH that he should leave the skids with BM for the summer since I am footing most of the bills right now. Of course if I ask DH to give up his visitation with kids it will be the end of the world for him. Am I wrong to even think to ask him to give up his visitation? Even if I do I know that he won't but I at the same time don't think it's fair to me that I am footing most of the bills and not have a right to ask that?
I also told DH that if OSS mouths off to me or cusses at me or in front of me that I will be telling him that this is his final warning and then his phone will be gone for the whole month he is here for summer visitation. I will no longer put up with disrespect to me or my family.
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You cannot ask your DH to
You cannot ask your DH to give up visitation, and if you do, he'll just do it outside of home where it will be more costly.
What you CAN do is tell him that there is no budget for extras, so he better figure out how to keep them entertained for free.
Your DH being unemployed and you footing the bills is a marriage issue, not a step one. Without kids, you would STILL be footing much of the bills, albeit less. Making DH give up his time is cruel, and this is one of those times where marriage can bite you in the backside.
You can't ask your DH to give
You can't ask your DH to give up visitation, as above, but you CAN close your wallet.
If he can't afford to treat his kids like royalty, that's not your problem.
Thank you guys for being
Thank you guys for being honest with me.
I agree with the others who
I agree with the others who are saying that the fact that your DH's "takehome" is now greatly reduced... that means that there is going to be belt tightening until he gets back to work... and that means that any unnecessary expenses need to stop now. That would mean that the money first and foremost goes to cover his share of household bills. If it doesn't even meet that then he has zero left for extra expenses. Now, that doesn't mean that the kids can't be there but no trips, no meals out... no toys.. nothing because he cannot afford it. You will only provide basic groceries.
I might suggest that you also keep track of how much more you are kicking in while he is out of work. You should be repaid once he regains employment. It might seem petty, but you shouldn't have to support his kids in your home financially... that is his responsibility. So... even if he guilts you into springing for meals out.. that becomes part of the bill you will present him when he gets back to work.
On that front.. any leads for him? Does he expect to be out for a while? I guess worst case is he gets a bit lazy and lets you pick up the tab while he and his boys play xbox all summer.. so be prepared to insert your boot in his tailpipe if it looks like that is happening.
He has had several interviews
He has had several interviews but no one has called back yet. He is actively looking for a job.
Well, I wish him luck. It's
Well, I wish him luck. It's frustrating to be out of a job when you don't realize how long you will be out of work. If you knew.. you could enjoy the time off..haha.
Thank you ESMOD
Thank you ESMOD
Look Up The Book
60 seconds And You're Hired by Robin Ryan. She also has a YouTube video. I have used these techniques personally and also I ALWAYS send a next day mail follow up letter after any interview which thanks them for the interview, brings out a few points that were discussed during the interview, and make sure you remember the names and the faces you spoke with! I have even done this for chef although he is in mostly blue collar industries. I helped land jobs for Chef, my former husband and a variety of friends and relatives giving out these techniques. The book is excellent.
As a side note I feel your pain... Chef pays $185 a week in CS and technically he makes $200 a week. ( on paper)
I think her DH should pay her
I think her DH should pay her back for anything kid-related she purchases, but I don't think he should for general household expenses UNLESS their arrangement prior to him getting let go was that they equally split everything and paid each other back when there was a funds shortage.
Financial hardship due to losing a job, personal/family illness, or other tragedy is part of marriage. It's a messy, not-fun part, but it's part of being in a partnership through good and bad. Making him repay for the gas bill or mortgage is petty, and I think would cause way bigger issues in the long run. Plus, if Tank ever is at a point where she can't pay her portion due to circumstances outside her control, it won't feel great for her to know she is racking up debt despite her DH being able to keep them afloat.
I can see your point on this.
I can see your point on this. But if it's significant and making her curtail things like putting money in savings or other spending that she "needs" but can delay.. it would be nice if she could be repaid.. and that she would be given the same lattitude of "lending" from her DH when and if the time ever came. Both people should be contributing to household expenditures... if this becomes a long term situation.. she shouldn't be expected to tote the higher amount forever.. he should either find some job or they agree as a couple to downsize expenses.
I agree with you that long
I agree with you that long-term unemployment should result in some amount of payback and expenditure-cutting on DH's part. I guess I just can't get behind making someone I am married to pay me back if they are unemployed for, say, 3 months. If I were that uneasy about my money being spent on them, I wouldn't have gotten married. I'm not saying people shouldn't take precautions to protect themselves, but it seems cold to kick someone when they are down by keeping a red ledger, especially someone you have vowed to spend your life with.
Then again, I think Tank's DH is an arse, so I also think, for him specifically, he should pay het back as he doesn't seem to care about how anything impacts her.
Yeah.. I guess I was seeing
Yeah.. I guess I was seeing him insisting on maintaining their spending on restaurant meals etc.. she shouldn't have to pay for the kids.. but then again, if she is ok with rice and beans at home.. her DH shouldn't insist on meals out for himself either.. or the latest video game etc.. which would be for him as well. I have never made my DH pay me back for stuff... but his intent and his contributions are always good whether he is bringing money in or not.
I totally agree here.
I totally agree here.
She should be paying "his share" of household expenses while she can't - sure. Basic groceries. In any family, when household income is reduced, everyone tightens their belt - not just the one who has lost their job. You don't have job-less dad eating ramen noodles while jobby mom eats steak... you have BOTH compromise, and maybe eat hotdogs.
So, Tank, pay for potatoes, pasta, rice, beans... milk, bread etc... but cheaper more filling food temporarily... present your DH with a budget - tell him this is what you are able to afford, tell him the portion that is over your normal budget, and that you expect him to pay you back, because he is taking it away from you so he can show his kids a good time.
He needs to understand that using someone else's money for stupid unnecessary fun activities is just a big giant jerk move, taking advantage.
Married doesn't mean doormat.
It's summer. He could be out
It's summer. He could be out there in neighborhoods offering himself for hire to weed, mulch, etc. Lots of people are desperate for a hard working handyman for a few hours. No it's not a long term solution, but it can be a great bandaid.
Actually he is still healing
Actually he is still healing from two shoulder surgeries so he cannot do anything like that until the doctor clears him but that is a good idea.
Tell him to take his brats to
Tell him to take his brats to do it... they can do the work, he can supervise and help. There's a free activity that might actually bring in a few bucks. He can take them for ice cream with the money they make.
"I also told DH that if OSS
"I also told DH that if OSS mouths off to me or cusses at me or in front of me that I will be telling him that this is his final warning"
No warning. If I cussed in front of my parents, they'd slap my face right off my head. Eff that. Punish him immediately.
Also, DH can work parttime and still collect unemployment. A few hours a week bagging groceries would help the budget.