Angst re SS27
SS27 lived with us during the first five years of DH and I married life (married 10 years). It was as an extremely stressful time since SS did not work, had no chores and blew all opportunities we gave him to get a life. He spent less than a year in college out of high school and dropped out. DH is stuck with a huge loan he signed for.
DH finally stuck to a deadline for him to move out and he couch surfed with his mother then aunt.
We retired and moved out of state to be near SS30 who is married. Not even a month later SS27 moved here too and in with that brother. He was working part time and I insisted to DH that he pay a minimal amount towards his loan.
Just learned yesterday from SS30 and wife who came to dinner that they may be moving to another state due to a job opportunity. I asked what SS27 will do and got shoulder shrugs. I had also asked if SS27 was working yesterday since he was invited to dinner too and got a strange look and an I don’t know.
DH has given me his phone code and I haven’t looked in years but just felt something was up.
Sure enough SS27 quit his job.
So I was the only one who didn’t know this.
SS27 is very needy and I’m hoping he moves away too. He recently messaged DH in a panic that the toilet was overflowing and he didn’t know what to do. I was happy to read DH say to call Rooter Rooter. I’m sure DH was expected to run over there 1/2 hour away. He has no problem asking DH to pick him up and bring him to work when his truck isn’t working and DH does and says he doesn’t mind.
Why do you think DH didn’t tell me SS quit? Makes me feel he hides other stuff as well. Not feeling good about our relationship right now.
Thanks for reading. Any helpful advice is welcome.
He didn't tell you because he
He didn't tell you because he's embarrassed about it.
Really, I'd not touch this one. As long as SS doesn't end up back in your house and DH isn't handing over gobs of cash, it's not worth stressing over. SS will either grow into a responsible adult, or he won't. But he needs to make his own decisions.
I know about having a needy SS. Mine didn't grow up until DH stopped enabling him right into self-medication (SS, not DH). DH's tendency is still to rescue him, but SS needs that less and less. I hope your SS wakes up and figures out that taking care of himself and his own business is what a man does.
This is very helpful! Thank
This is very helpful! Thank you!
I'll be honest. I never
I'll be honest. I never expected DH to tell me when SS got fired or evicted. I don't know that he ever quit. I'd just randomly hear that SS was living/working someplace new. But I also never worried about SS showing up on my doorstep. I did not get involved at all in whether he had a job or a place to live. But my SS is a total bottom feeder.
SS is now in his early 30s and lives with a woman who has a house. They have a baby together so maybe she will keep him. None of my concern. I stay out of his life totally.
DH knows I won’t be open to
DH knows I won’t be open to SS staying with us, even for one day! But I still worry. I wish SS would find someone too but he has a new girlfriend every few months. Hasn’t worked out for him, not surprisingly. Thank you for responding!
Believe me, you don't want to
Believe me, you don't want to be in the know about all of ss's escapades because if you are you'll likely be expected to do something about it. ss30 is probably really moving to another state to shed his parasite brother. I'm with the other ladies, stay out of it and make sure ss27 stays out of your house!
Remember that you're DH's wife not ss's nursemaid. Let DH change his man diapers if he wants to but your job is to attend to your own happiness and your marriage.
You are spot on. Your support
You are spot on. Your support really helps. Thank you!
You are spot on. Your support
You are spot on. Your support really helps. Thank you!