This is proof that your "inner voice" is never wrong. It would be easy for me to say "just quit seeing your family," but I realize it is way more complicated than that. Maybe you could start with not being around Drunk Uncle? I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Very interesting post for me to read right now. I just endured a Mother's Day from hell with my parents, also because of a dog!

In a nutshell, my mother's dog runs away ALL THE TIME because she doesn't take care of it. My mother refuses to wear a collar, tags or a leash on it ("that's so cruel"), so when it runs, it's a nightmare. And now, my parents are not young enough to chase after their dog anymore.

So, husband, parents and I drove about an hour away to see a cemetery. On the way, my mother insisted on taking off her dog's leash and collar in the car because it's "SO UNCOMFORTABLE" for the poor dog to have to wear them. Knowing exactly what would happen, I told her at least three times, "You know the dog runs -- put on the leash because I am NOT chasing your damn dog again today." I had my own dog (who sometimes get car sick) in my lap and couldn't reach her dog to put on the leash myself, and I knew if I did, there'd be a big scene and a fight.

Sure enough, we pull into the cemetery, two seconds later, the dog is vanished. Someone opened one of the car doors and she just bolted before they could get the leash on her. The cemetery was bordered by two country highways. My husband and I started looking for the dog; my parents sit down and wait. About a half hour later, we found the dog, which was literally running down the middle of the highway. It was one of those heart-stopping dramatic scenes where the dog is running on the road and I can see cars coming in the distance and every time we get near the dog she bolts farther away from us. How it didn't get killed, I don't know. I was just panicking, screaming and crying because I thought I was going to see this dog killed right in front of me. Finally, my husband grabbed her.

This scene was especially frustrating not only because of the frequency of occurence, but also because my mother is constantly declaring her love for her dog in dramatic statements (her favorite is "I just don't think I can live if anything happens to my dog," as if the dog will live forever). Oh, and the second the dog ran off, instead of panicking, she instantly assigned blame to my 85-year-old father for, you guessed it, not putting the dog's leash on before he opened the door!

In the awkward drive home, I started replaying years of their irresponsibility with our family dogs: the first one, a puppy hit and killed when my mother put it on the porch to eat so her floor wouldn't get dirty; the second one, endlessly wandering around our town (and though a schnauzer, a fairly vicious, aggressive biter) and being brought home by strangers who found her, never spayed, pregnant at 9 years old, delivered 7 puppies no one wanted; third one, I've chased this dog in four cities, two states and they still can't manage to keep the dog in -- every time it happens, "I just don't understand how she got out!" Now that my mother is old, she just calls the police to find the dog when it gets out, something she apparently thinks is a regular service of police officers now: "the police know our dog by name!" she chirps. Thank god I don't live in that town anymore. I'm so embarrassed at the thought of her calling law enforcement every time she breaking the fucking law by letting her untagged dog run loose.

I was so angry on Mother's Day, Mommadukes, I seriously wanted to hit her. I couldn't believe that she would put me in the position to see a dog hit by a car and then have to deal with her histrionics afterward. Nearly 50 years later, she still brings up regularly how guilty she feels for our first puppy getting hit by a car when she put it on the porch, but she changes nothing to prevent it again. She is an absolute narcissist.

I so get what you're writing here. There's a carelessness about dogs in your family and mine that cannot be forgiven. And if they're careless with animals, they're careless with people. They're all out for themselves. My mother never apologized for what happened on Mother's Day. She just kept saying, "She's a good dog. She didn't mean to run away." It's interesting to me that she thought I'd blame her dog for what is clearly her fault.

I hope your little pug is recovering. Pugs are so gentle and small -- what was your drunk uncle thinking letting a pit mix anywhere near a pug????? I know what you witnessed was horrific -- my leashed dogs and I were in a giant field a week before my wedding. Out of nowhere a pit bull bolts from a football field away right toward us, and we see it coming and know what's going to happen, but there was nowhere to get away from it and no one to help us. It was just an open field without even a tree to climb to avoid what was coming. I picked up my smaller dog, but the pit mauled my little 13-year-old terrier nearly to death right before my eyes. The hole in my dog's neck was so big, I could see his teeth through it. It's an awful thing to see that happen to someone you love and you never get over it. I spent my wedding night draining my dog's wound, but he still ended up dying.

Hang in there. I also feel the need to be done with my parents and I also don't know how to do it. I feel as if I've endured a lifetime of this woman's covert narcissism and I'm getting old too. I need some peace and I can't have it (no one can) around my mother. At least it sounds as if your uncle won't be around much longer to make you miserable! One down...so many to go!

So anyway, yea, your shitty family, my shitty family...but at least we have our dogs, right?

I'm so sorry mommadukes.  I recently just posted how I am going no contact with my own BM and have been no contact with my brother for about a year and a half now.  It messes with your mind because it's not how family is supposed to be like.  But what I've come to realize is that family, healthy family, is not supposed to hurt you.  If it's a healthy relationship - it's not supposed to be hard or stressful.  It is not supposed to be traumatic.

And that's why I've gone no contact.  What they get up to is their problem, NOT mine.  I don't have to stick around for the b.s. just because of genetics.

Big hugs to you.  Do what is right and healthy for you. <3

I'm so sorry. I know how helpless it feels when your dog (family member is attacked) and being put in the position of having to make sure your child stays safe at the same time. Its a nightmare. I'm glad your dog wasn't seriously injured. I hope it doesn't make your dog wary of all other dogs now.

Sorry that sucks.  I know they probably didn't mean to not act like they didn't care about your dog.. it's just that they probably WANTED there to be nothing wrong with your dog because it would make the situation not as uncomfortable for everyone.  If they didn't have to admit your dog was hurt.. they could ignore the dust up.

People can be idiots about their animals.. and other people's.  I think I would definitely keep my dog at home where I could control the environment.  Hope your baby is ok though.  It sucks when we have to worry about other people's stupidity.

My head would have spun around as I vomited every hateful thought I'd ever had for those people. Your poor baby. I have a puggle and they are just so loving. I am angry for YOU!!!

What a mess. I'm so sorry.

If you live close to family and moving isn't an option, I think I'd start a campaign of quiet disengagement. No fighting or announcement, just be busy elsewhere, unavailable, etc. Keep phone conversations brief and superficial, be boring (gray rock) , and don't participate in their drama. Just gradually fade back.

I've found that taking online classes (or pretending to if you aren't) offers a great excuse for avoiding certain people and events. It's a conveniently vague, laudable time suck that most people understand.

Damm!t! I hope your sweet furbaby is okay. Poor thing!

I'd like to "rescue" that dog from DU...right after I give DU a Flying Five Fist Monkey Nut Punch, immediately followed by a Flaming Dragon Claw Croth Kick.

Dogs!  I like them, but irresponsible people tick me off.

My mother has, oh, around 5 big 80 lb dogs now - and she breeds them.  One of them was aggressive and bit me once.  I made her keep that dog on a leash, in the house the rest of the trip.  Except once, when it wasn't and it came over and started growling at me as I sat on the couch...called my mother over very quietly and told her to get her dog away from me and leash it.  She first gave it a treat (yay - good dog for growling at a person sitting on the couch!).  Found out from my sister I was NOT the first person it bit.