Sd, age 15, has been in a group home for a few weeks now.  The group home is a locked facility.  She has to earn privledges . She was sent by BM because she stole over $2,500 from BM's credit card.  This isn't the first time that she stole from BM.  SD's behavior issues include just some of the following.  Claiming to be raped by a classmate (long story), constantly fighting at school, bullying classmates, lying, cursing BM, BM's parents, siblings, teachers, and the principal, and sending naked pictures on the internet, I could go on and on.

DH says that SD doesn't have any of these behaviors while she is with him.  Well, it is technically true BUT DH only sees SD a few hours every weekend.  She doesn't do overnights with us.  SD's therapist told dh that he isn't with SD enough for him to see these behaviors.  Yep,  SD has been in therpy since she was 7 years old.

Dh has turned into the defensive, overprotective dad who is blaming BM for all of SD's behavioral issues.

SD can call DH EVERY night if she wants. She doesn't call him every night.  She only calls when she is crying and upset because of something SHE did to get into trouble.  She wants DH to SAVE her. "big, bad" group home actually believes in her actions have consequences.  Of course, she doesn't like that at all.  She was involved in a fight and the other girl chocked her.  SD calls dh and she starts crying when she tells him about it.  DH IMMEDIATELY jumps to her defensive without asking any questions about the fight.  He only hears that the other girl choked SD. He promises SD that he is going to sue BM for custody.  Keep in mind that isn't possible and will NEVER happen. DH and I have already had that conversation more than once. Even if he did, the court case wouldn't happen until after SD gets out of the group home.   I am standing firm, my answer is NO. SD is NOT coming to live with us.  I found out that  SD started the fight and the girl did choke her but staff was right there and stopped it. The girl probably had her hands on SD for about 10 seconds and no marks were left on SD.  She lied to DH about the fight. DH bought it hook, line and sinker.  Of course, he will never ever admit that she lied.

When SD doesn't call at night, DH gets all upset and starts ranting about how he hopes SD is fine and hopes she isn't hurt. It is so sickening.  SD didn't call DH for three days because everything was fine.  Last night she calls dh to tell him that she isn't feeling well and the people there are not feeding her.  She tells DH that all she had to eat was a fruit cup and a burger.  DH goes crazy after the call.   He is all upset and going to call and report the place.  I asked him did SD only eat a fruit cup and buger because she wasn't offered any additional food OR was it because she didn't LIKE the other food that was offered.  DH doesn't know.  I try to tell him again for the 1000th time, that he needs to ask questions when she tells him stuff.  He doesn't want to ask questions because he wants her to trust him and believe that she can tell him anything.*shok*

Now DH has gotten into his head that since SD can't come live with us when she gets out of the group home, she can live with his parents (who are elderly, sickly and live 3 states away).  He talked to BM. BM basically told him NO in a long drawn out answer. I heard the conversation.  DH didn't hear it as a no. though.  DH tells SD about his plan.  Keep in mind, according to the CO gave BM FULL custody of SD.  He can't make any decisions at all.  DH is on a mission to SAVE SD from the evil BM.  

In a way, I would love for SD to go to DH's parents and show them the SAME behaviors she shows BM.  Maybe then, DH would see that SD needs consequences for her actions.  I would really hate it for his parents though.  

DH is driving me crazy.  I am just wondering if SD calls tonight with another tall tale.