My SO, he still thinks his precious daughter SD19 is little miss innocent. Even though while cleaning out her room last January, we found a girly toy, a pipe for smoking weed, a used pregnancy test and a used condom. Added to this that she was/is a compulsive liar. Your DH, aka ostrich, is not doing his precious any favors. She sounds mentally disturbed, as well as enabled. Like she needs REAL help, and not just "oh poor babeeeeee".

She sounds horrid, and like someone you definitely want/need out of your life.

Sounds like it's time someone tells him that while him and BM sstill seem to think the sun shines out of her arse, EVERYONE ELSE - principal - teachers - group home staff - can see she has many issues, and that if he continues to deny that perhaps the issues are in fact hers, she will never get over them.

I see a pattern here. And it is real. To real. These men can not see what is right is front of their face. The truth doesn't matter. Nothing matters but their precious daughters or skids. The reason their children have such problems is because of them. They do not parent them. As children when they do something wrong and you tell them about it you are told you are picking on them. So they grow up with no rules and no manners. Because of this they have problems with people and situations in life. The real world doesn't work that way and our DH's feel sorry for their kids because they still think that they never do anything wrong. Everyone else in this world is wrong. WHY??? I just can't wrap my brain around how stupid these grown a$$ men are. It is just pathetic.

who thinks only one third of the problem is getting the punishment and help they need?

In a better world, this girl's parents would also be receiving intensive, inpatient treatment for their abysmal parenting. They both have serious issues.

She just got kicked out of her group home.  About a week before, she was telling us about some girls that wanted to "jump" her and she was innocent - only defending her friend.  Lo and behold, she got kicked out and the girl who she claims was the instigator didn't.  Hmmm.....right!   She then started her lie about being pregnant which I now think she did cause she knew she was about to get kicked out and hoped we would take pity on her and take her in.  Watch out for these sociopaths.

DH doesn't usually buy the skids' lies but SS17 totally lied to his face and he bought it. SS17 doesn't live with us or BM but he skipped a week of school to go on a trip with a buddy. The school called DH to ask where SS was and SS told DH that he told the principal he would gone all week. At the time SS had 4 Fs all in core classes. The principal said, "SS told me had a Dr. appt. and would be back tomorrow." DH turns to me and says, "Maybe the principal forgot SS told him." Uh huh, DH. The school logged on SS's attendance record, "SS lied about Dr. appt." It was epic. I think about 90% of what comes out of the skids' mouths are lies. It's second nature to them. 

I really hope that your SD is getting some good out of the group home. Her mother and father certainly aren't doing her any favors. 

I work with suspended students in my school district.  If I had a dime for every story I got from kids (and parents) claiming "it wasn't their fault", or "they didn't do anything wrong" or "their actions were justified" , I'd own 12 of my own islands.  One of my favorites was when we had a huge riot at one of our high schools.  20 some kids got suspended and arrested.  The mom of one of the students came to my office crying, telling me she just didn't know what to do, her daughter was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, other people had been bullying her, she did nothing wrong etc. etc.  Usually I'm smarter than a 5th grader and I don't fall for this crap, but this woman was good, I believed her, felt bad for her, actually got a tear in my eye and gave her a hug and told her everything would be OK.  The next day I was talking to my supervisor and he was telling me that the student who instigated the whole riot was going to be suspended for the rest of the year.  I asked him which one that was and .... yep... you guessed it... this woman's daughter!  I told my supervisor how mom came in and gave me a completely different story.. he said nope her daughter instigated the whole thing, they had proof on camera AND on top of that, mom loaded daughter and some cousins in her mini van the night of the riot, and drove around town looking to "settle the score" with the other students involved in the riot. 

Your SD sounds like a master manipulator and usually those master manipulators (like my SD and yours) become masters because people like our DH's roll over and continue to believe lie after stupid lie after stupid lie. So why would they stop?  It works!

There is one common demoninator in all of this. It isn't you, BM, me, the Principal, girls at school, boys at school... it is SD. When Christie Brinkley got divorced for the 4th time she tried to make out like the innocent victim. The judge turned to her and said something like ... You have been married 4 times. The one common denominator in all your marriages that have ended in divorce is you. Think about that before your remarry."

No DH, she is not coming to live here. She is feral and antisocial and lies to get sympathy, attention or a free pass. I am sorry she has nowhere else to go. That is not my problem. You and BM parented her into this person. You deal with it. I will not put up with violence, aggressive behaviour, stealing and lying. When she can hold down the same job for 2 years and stay out of trouble THEN we will re-evaluate things. Until then, no way is she coming into my home.