I can sympathise with you, you're most definitely not awful feeling the way you do so please don't burden yourself with that thought, I've felt the same without having my own child in the mix but after 7 years of every weekend when we both work full time I've just switched off.  There have been times when I've not even been convinced it's about the actual spending of quality time with SD but more of the taking part in the best parent competition between my SO & BM. 

You aren't wrong at all for feeling this way at all. Couples deserve a break sometimes. I take it that you have tried to discuss this with your DH? Before my DH and me got married SS wanted to come every weekend and BM was all for it this was before BM took him to court. I told DH that if he wanted if he wanted to do that then he could do that without me because couples deserve alone time. I mean BM is getting alone time so we deserve the same. Why are you getting the skids every weekend?

Your not wrong for wanting some couple time but I can also understand their father wanting to see them every weekend.  What if he told you that you could only see your one year old every other weekend?  They are your stepkids but are his kids.

I went from every weekend to every day.  SS15 never sees BM and only spends a night out once a month at most.  So yes I sympathize but can also see your DH side of wanting them.

Don't even suggest this, picture if you were divorced and you only got to spend a few days per week with your child and your new spouse was trying to take that away. Since your a mother, you can relate, just put yourself in his shoes.  I have bios so I would not suggest this to my DH.  

Actually, your schedule isn't that bad....they go home at noon on Saturday?  Get a sitter for Saturday night and go out! Get a hotel room, it's actually great that they are leaving every Saturday, you're lucky they aren't there the whole weekend!

Your schedule actually isn't that bad. I went from being around my step kids only on the weekends to having them everyday. Their BM only sees them once a week for a few hours. They never spend the night out. It's very hard dealing with them on a daily basis and working full time. I love my stepkids but they are very energy draining. They also are not the best behaved sometimes. They throw tantums, are spoiled and not used to being told no, are used to getting what they want, they dont listen often, don't clean up after themselves after they eat even though they are plenty old enough, etc. We have no peace in our house unless it is after 9pm and then both of us are too tired for anything besides sleep. Even when step kids are in bed, they sometimes have problems sleeping, are up all night because they are sick or want daddy, etc. I would love to have your schedule honestly. It would be a breath of fresh air if I could go back to only having them on weekends again. I love them but they are very energy draining.

Since you DH is so hyped at having his kids every weekend, I suggest you let him do EVERYTHING for them. You need to stop doing things for his kids since he's the one who wants them there. I know it's not easy but he doesn't make it easy for you either. You can't always be giving in on what he wants. You will end up being resentful, which I think you are already starting to feel.

Yep. All of this. 

We had an EOWE schedule with a weeknight dinner on the off weeks...but the skids lived close, so DH was often springing them on me. Getting them early, taking them back late, taking an extra day. He would also get upset and tell me that I 'didn't like his kids' if I wasn't jumping for joy about it like he was. 

Thing is...I work MORE than my DH (by a lot) and I was doing all the cooking, cleaning up after skids, etc. I took a huge step back and quit cooking or even grocery shopping on skid weekends. At first, DH whined and was a bit shocked (Him: "What's for dinner?!?! What are we going to feed the KIDS?!?! Me: "I have no idea. This visit wasn't on the schedule and I didn't make any plans for it." or "I have no idea. I've had a super busy week and haven't gotten to the store...and they're your kids. I'll make our dinner. If they need something special you'll have to figure it out." Etc.) 

A couple of things happened: 1.) the skids magically started eating what we were eating, and 2.) DH magically stopped taking so much extra time with them. 

Win-win. 

You have a one-year-old and you work. Of course you're overwhelmed and exhausted. Take care of yourself...do nothing for skids. You aren't an unpaid maid, cook, and babysitter. 

Did you do the math for your husband?  He currently has 2 nights and half a day every week, or 4 nights and 1 day every 2 weeks.  If you switched to every other weekend (say Friday night through Sunday at noon) plus an evening during the week, he'd have 2 nights (with sleepover), 2 nights (without sleepover, but heck, everyone's asleep!), and 1.5 days every 2 weeks.  He'd still see his kids every week.  The time is about the same, except that under the current schedule he has them for more time when they're asleep or no one is home.  

How difficult would it be to change the schedule?  Is this the court ordered schedule?  Would he need to go back to court or can he work something out informally with the BM?  (I guess I'm trying to figure out if the issue is really less time or if it's more hassle).  

Having Saturday afternoon. Saturday night all day Sunday. Monday tues and we’d free 

how is that no couples time.  So you lose Friday night.  I think you should stop and see how good you actually have it.  There are a is a lot of SP who would have your secluded.  The ones who have them 24/7. The one who have every weekend   

It sounds like you are overwhelmed, working full time, having a 1 year old and skids every weekend is a very busy schedule.  I get you wanting a weekend off here and there. Couple time would be nice on the weekends too but your situation really doesn't warrant that now with his visitation schedule.  It's not fair to him to ask him to see his children every other weekend, and it's not fair to you to sacrifice every weekend and your couple time.  Also changing a visitation schedule can be like moving a mountain and if BM was opposed it could cost thousands of dollars for nothing. Working w/in the paramaters of your situation there has to be some way to carve out couple time w/out changing his parenting time.  

With your job is there any way you can work on the days skids are there with their father and be off a few days during the week?  I agree that he should be doing the *work* while his kids are there. Cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. He's the parent so let him parent.  

like other people on here have said ...your situation really isn't as bad as many others out there.

I have been with my partner for 3 yrs now, and we have his children with us EVERY Weekend. At 5pm on Friday we pick them up .. And then we drop them back at their BMs on Sunday nights, 6pm. It's tough going. In the beginning I just accepted that this is just how it has to be .. My partner works mon - fri and would be unable to do any school runs IF we were to have them in the week. The kids BM is lucky enough to have a job that enables her to work flexible hours around the kids. But this schedule is seriously taking its toll on me, and our relationship. I always crave just a small bit of quality time with just my partner... But rarely ever get it. Its sad but I start to feel resentment at times towards my SKIDS and my partner. When I firstly tried to explain my feelings to my partner and suggesting we have them every other weekend and perhaps taking them out during the week for tea instead ...he was against it. Told me he wanted to see his kids every weekend. Don't get me wrong.. I DO understand this. However if he wants to be in a relationship with me, and help him to raise his children, then he also needs to respect my feelings and try put himself in my shoes. With time ..and a few home truths put to him, my partner began to understand. We tried to communicate this new schedule idea to BM.. thinking that she might actually like to spend some weekends of quality time with her kids and having a flexible job to allow her to do so. But no. She just didn't like the idea of me and my partner having quality time together so out of pure bitterness she said no .. And tried to turn the tables and make us look bad for 'not wanting the kids'. The sad thing is, is that the kids have said they would love to have a weekend at their mum's every now and again. So it is them that are also suffering with this current schedule. We even suggested more recently that ONE weekend a month BM has kids. Every now and again she has agreed to have them for a weekend, but on her terms. We thought it might be better for the kids to have a set routine of staying at their mums for say the first weekend of each month. But she claims she can't have them because she works all weekends but we have caught her out to be lieing about this several times. It's very frustrating.

I would LOVE to be able to have at least half a weekend each weekend with just my partner. The schedule that you have could be so much worse! 

It doesn't matter if other people think their schedule is "worse" than yours. It doesn't matter if other people don't mind "blah blah blah." This is your life. If it's not working for you, make some changes. So often we SMs keep accepting crappy situations that make us miserable because other people (even other SMs!) keep telling us how we SHOULD feel. Eff that ess. You feel how you do because this is YOUR LIFE. Take charge of your happiness, darlin. You deserve it.

Hey guys I have a similar situation. My DH and I have been living together for 2 1/2 years now. We have a one year old together. While I was pregnant my stepkids would come over every single weekend from Friday after work and would leave until Sunday night. They would also come over on every single holiday, including any public holiday or any days off they had from school. It was driving me nuts as I am accustomed to silence and well just wanted more alone time with my DH. This never changed they were even there the weekend after I gave birth to our daughter which upset me very much. Nothing changed.. fast forward to now things have gotten worst, they not only come every weekend but are now at the house every single night, from Sunday to Sunday. Their mother apparently needs to go to the gym so she drops them off right after they are done with their online classes and pick them up back every night until 7:30pm. We are supposed to have them every other weekend, most weekend, even when not our turn their mother would leave them at Puebla place to sleep Atleast once.  Now, both DH and I work full time. I have an extremely demanding job and when I get home at 5pm, I need to care for my one year old. With my step kids over every single day I feel I’m losing it. What bothers me most is that I can’t come home to a quiet peaceful place as they are always there making a whole lot of noise and I can’t put my baby to sleep early until they leave. We recently moved to a “tiny home” , super small, and I’m starting to feel overwhelmed woh not having a peaceful haven and space to unwind. I have brought it to my DH’s attention on more than one occasion and it always turns into an argument, my approach isn’t the best either but I’m beyond frustrated and don’t know where to go or what to do to get some quiet time. :( 

If you are the NCP household the answer to EWE is ............ NO!  THe one advantage that the NCP has is that they can refuse visitatio with impunity.  Even with a CO an NCP cannot be forced to take their prior relationship kid.

So... stop.  Your SO needs to grow a pair and invoke boundaries on visitation that protects his marriage and his new family.   

If i were an NCP my stance would be that I pay the CP to care for and raise my kids so that I can have a life beyond my former failed family.  Yes I would have visitation with my prior failed family progeny, but it would be on a schedule that allowed me to have a life beyond my past.

Just my thoughts of course.

No to EWE. With the schedule you currently have, EO Saturday I would forego.  Your SO has to understand that his marriage and his baby motivate this.  Your family needs every other weekend without SKids.

It's only 2 and a half days a week, which seems fair.  I agree you should let him do the bulk of the parenting if your overwhelmed. It shouldn't matter what BM is doing when you guys have kids. I have step kids, bio kids, my DH is SD to my son I had before, so I can see it from both angles.

As others have said, you don't have them as much as a lot on here. My skids have been here 80% of the time and now they don't even go to their dads. BM refuses to say they should go to give me a break as they don't want to and over 18. 
 

Anyway. Your situation is subjective. You both need to sit down and talk properly, you are NOT being unreasonable to have every other weekend off. Everyone gets a bit of time. Hell, I love it when my own kids aren't here. It also gives BM a weekend to herself.

If your husband doesn't agree then you should say ' I'm out, I'm not cooking or cleaning up after them and I'll join you when I feel like it.' He has a one year old who he also needs to spend time with so every other weekend he can have step kids and his own child. Let's see how he deals with that.

I think there is just a lot of expectations that step parents should just put up and shut up otherwise it's the whole 'you knew I had kids' & 'You don't like nor do enough with my kids'

These sentences are designed to deflect from your issues and turn the discussion into something else. If he won't compromise then you need to lay out clear boundaries as to what you are willing to do.

Not cooking for them when they are there is step one. They can wait till the dad comes home exhausted and has to sort them out, cook, clean up after them and wash clothes. He'll soon stop taking you for granted.

I've been a mug for far too long when it comes to all this stuff, should have done it a long time ago. I now  pass anything to do with my partners kids into her. She's just asked me to get sk1 to call who I no longer communicate with. I've said no, if he's not answering his phone or his phone is dead.....That ain't my problem. I'm loving batting everything into her court now, my life is far less stressful.

Good luck.

Thursday after school thru Saturday at noon is NOT a lot of time to have the skids. And as far as quality time goes, you have ALL day starting at noon Saturday, all day Sunday, Mon, Tues & Wed with no skids. If the roles were reversed, would you consider that a LOT of time to spend with your children if they lived with the other parent? If having a full weekend off is the issue I would suggest Wed-Sun alternating weeks and a midweek dinner on the off week. That way he isn't giving up any time and will get a full 5 days every 2 weeks with his kids and you get your time off that you crave. But TBH - you can't use the excuse that you have no time for your family because the kids are there every week if they are gone by Saturday at noon.

See, this is the BS that I don't think anyone sees about stepparents, especially if stepparent also has their own biokids. You, dear, are not getting a break ever and you are entitled to that. Especially seeing as you have a 1-year-old, you're not ever getting a break anyway. You have a full-time career, are a new mom, and have all the kids every weekend (one day includes a Friday which is still a work day) and this is a recipe for burnout. If it were me, at some point, I'd just take my kid and leave the marriage, but I'm not advising you do that. I'm just pointing out how some of us have our breaking point and that would be mine.

Hold your ground. You're entitled to some days of just you, DH, and your child as a family unit, no other obligations. You're not asking to exclude them, you're just trying to find a schedule that works for everyone. Every other weekend plus a weekly dinner, I see that you are trying to prevent the long breaks in between when DH and SKs see each other. Remind him too this is temporary. It will be less work to have them when your child is older and isn't as dependent on you and schedules will change again. Yes, it takes time, but you literally have an infant and you must be exhausted. I think some people are forgetting that you also work full time so under this scenario, you get 1 day off a week. I'd rather have 2 days every other week.

If it still doesn't work, then don't parent his children on the days they are there if they are there every weekend. You're a BM too with an infant who has way more needs. Book mommy and me time somewhere and let him deal with it.

See, this is the BS that I don't think anyone sees about stepparents, especially if stepparent also has their own biokids. You, dear, are not getting a break ever and you are entitled to that. Especially seeing as you have a 1-year-old, you're not ever getting a break anyway. You have a full-time career, are a new mom, and have all the kids every weekend (one day includes a Friday which is still a work day) and this is a recipe for burnout. If it were me, at some point, I'd just take my kid and leave the marriage, but I'm not advising you do that. I'm just pointing out how some of us have our breaking point and that would be mine.

Hold your ground. You're entitled to some days of just you, DH, and your child as a family unit, no other obligations. You're not asking to exclude them, you're just trying to find a schedule that works for everyone. Every other weekend plus a weekly dinner, I see that you are trying to prevent the long breaks in between when DH and SKs see each other. Remind him too this is temporary. It will be less work to have them when your child is older and isn't as dependent on you and schedules will change again. Yes, it takes time, but you literally have an infant and you must be exhausted. I think some people are forgetting that you also work full time so under this scenario, you get 1 day off a week. I'd rather have 2 days every other week.

If it still doesn't work, then don't parent his children on the days they are there if they are there every weekend. You're a BM too with an infant who has way more needs. Book mommy and me time somewhere and let him deal with it. If I were him, I'd see the benefit of having Friday-Sunday every other weekend because it's more free time to spend with them vs working Thursday, Friday, and having them go home Saturday when you finally get the time off to actually spend with the skids.

I read the post and comments and then realised this was from 3 years and 2 months ago.

And this topic is STILL as relevant today as it was 3 years and 2 months ago.

I wonder how the OP is doing now with a 3-year old? How did the marriage counseling go? Did the schedule change? Did things get better or easier?????