So sorry hon.  As you know I have two sons of my own but none with SO and we lost 2 pregnancies.  For us having our dogs in common is enough honestly now-but if you're really wanting your own child you have decisions to make.  I also feel adoption w/a step situation may be quite difficult and stressful for many reasons.  

I never wanted kids (except for a brief period after I was laid off permanently from the disappearing industry that I loved). Still, there are times when I definitely feel the pangs of not having anyone truly in my court the way SD at least pretends to truly be in her dad's court.

Because SD could never accept me without hostility, I disengaged. So those days when I'm alone because he's with her are painful. There are times when I wonder who will be there for me when I'm old (my husband is 13 years older than I). But during that brief time when I thought I might want a child, I remember my husband and his brother saying having a kid is no guarantee you will have that kid in your life - they become estranged, addicted, sometimes they die. That said, both men are attached at the hip to their kids, so I didn't totally buy it.

It will be tough for you when his child hits those milestones. But if you can have even just an OK relationship with his child, you can get something from it. If not, there are other perks to not having kids - there's a lot more money and freedom to travel the world (one of my passions), to have too many dogs, and when things get tough with his child, as so many say here, it's not your s*** show.

If you like travel, make it a point to plan and save for that trip of a lifetime. Nothing has been more rewarding to me except having my dog. You are free to pursue other things that take solitude and money to enjoy - earning another degree or taking painting classes; starting a business; more time to develop closer relationships with friends and family.

I know it maybe seems hard right now to see your life without a child, but people with children often long for things people without children have: time, money, freedom. Everything is a trade off.

If you decide to adopt, I see no reason why that would be any easier or harder than bringing a bio into the mix, and I can't think of anything more noble.

I am so sorry, AJ.  It must be very difficult to want a child and be unable to have one.  For that, I am so sorry.  Have you thought about Foster Care?  You could do so much good for children that need help, and maybe even Foster to Adopt.  Please know that "I" know fostering/adopting a child isn't the same thing, and I am not trying to diminish your pain and loss.  My family has fostered children and we have loved it (for the most part).  My family is too large now, but someday I plan on doing it again. 

I watched DH hold a friends adorable 2 y/o son the other day...and laugh and play with him...and I died inside knowing that will never happen for us...but I get to watch dh "pride" in ss, and listen to him talk about "how much he is growing into a teenager" and "my boy" this and that, listen to ss talk about "his mom".....all the "parenting milestones" that we (dh and I) will never get to have together.  SIL was even nice enough to post a picture of Dh and the "beaming toddler" online....yay....

I'm not sure I could have stayed with DH if I couldn't have children.  I battled infertility for 4 years with DH, and I was becoming more and more bitter about SD.  I didn't have any kind of parental role, and she was not the most likeable person at the time (teenager).  I didn't even have any sort of "friend" role, and I don't think DH particularly liked her at the time.

I did go through IVF.  We traveled to the Czech Republic for IVF because it wasn't covered under insurance (MUCH cheaper, even with travel involved!).  When we were sitting in the apartment there, I was crying because they were only able to retrieve 3 eggs, and I was worried that I wouldn't have been able to have a shot at IVF after all that.  DH said to me that we will try it as many times as it takes for me to feel good about it.  That was a magical statement to me.  I knew he was ok with not having any more children, but I resent him more with each passing year.

I was one of the lucky ones who did end up having children, and I will be forever thankful.  My DH was unwilling to adopt, but I personally would have adopted if given a chance.  It's a very personal choice, and only you know what you will be ok with.

I don't wish infertility on anyone, and I especially don't wish it on someone who loves someone who already has a child.  *hugs*

Boo, why can’t you have that proud parenting moment with them if you decide you do want it? 

If you don’t that’s fine too. 

If if you have it a few years down the road with a child you adopted-hey that’s great! 

Theres no right or wrong way here. You have a bunch of open doors. You only have to decide which, if any, you want to walk through. 

Im nearly 30 myself and none I mean NONE of my close friends are anywhere in the same zip code as having kids. They’ve got relationships that are still developing, new marriages, careers that fulfill them or keep them busy enough to not want kids right now or anytime soon. 

You do what feels right for YOU when and only when it feels right. The what if game is an incidious thing to play with yourself. Don’t play “what if I don’t have” play “what if I do ____ and it’s wonderful.”