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Tried everything

Gis1570's picture

Submitted by Gis1570 on Sun, 04/08/2018 - 6:24am

Hi guys, 

I’m new here, wanted to meet other SP with the same issue. My Husband and I met in the 7th grade and lost track of each other for 25 years, on day we found each other on facebook and dated for 5 months and got married. We both have had past Marriages, i have 3 adult kids and he has one. I should of seen a red flag, since his son didn’t really liked the idea of his Dad proposing to me,  but we decided to get married, So here we are 6 years later and my SS hates my guts. I have done nothing to this kid, now 23 and he hates me. He has bullied and threatend me with telling the cops Im crazy, even though he says Im not. He has told all his Family members from his Dad and Moms side, that my adult kids and I, are just taking advantage of his Dad, that we dont pay anything and we live here for free, even though this kid has a 1 and a half year old baby that he left with his GF and moved to live with us paying anything. I’ve tried since day one, to always give him a smile, never disrespected him and always have treated him like one of my own. Recently, after a second time around he has been harrasing us again, leaving written notes where he knows i will find them, stating that his Dad has been cheating on me with his Mom, stuff like that... his Dad finally believes me after all these years. My SS has been disrespectful to me, my kids and even worse... his Dad. He has threaten us with a restraining order for us not to see his son. We never do!! only when he has brought him to the house. Im just so done and finally had the guts to  ask my husband to make him give us the key after moving back with his GF. he did not want to and we changed the locks. What to do? besides me not wanting any contact, i feel afraid of his behavior. 

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Sun, 04/08/2018 - 6:57am

Get a restraining order on him. If that doesn't work, tell him not to step foot on your property; when he does, call the cops and have him removed for trespassing.

Cutting him off completely seems like the best idea. But I do have to ask - do the other adult children live with you? If so, I think it's time for everyone to launch. It will take a lot of bite out of his venom with extended family if none of the "kids" are living there. It's hard to say "SM and her kids are taking advantage" when the only people who live together are the married couple.

Read up on disengagement and practice it. There is no point in trying to treat him like your own. Be polite and respectful if you must interact, but keep it brief and civil. Start thinking about SS more like the crazy second cousin who just happens to be related versus a kid you need to love and raise. He's made it clear he doesn't want anything from you, so give him exactly that: nothing. No space in your brain, no space in your home, and no space in your life. 

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Sun, 04/08/2018 - 10:27am

Disengage. Tell your husband he is welcome to have a relationship with his kid outside of the house. They are both adults so it’s time they act like it. Don’t let this be a ball that lands in your court. Wash your hands of it all. Disengage from anything and everything SS. You’ve tried the caring route and it doesn’t help so now you need to accept that the manchild is probably a narcissist and stay as far from him as possible. When people bring him up in conversations you say, “oh, that’s nice...” or “good for him” (most people who gossip tend to tell you things they want your opinion on because they know you don’t like that person, so don’t say noncommittals and be disinterested then move on).